{"id":20937,"date":"2023-04-04T09:00:23","date_gmt":"2023-04-04T13:00:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20937"},"modified":"2023-03-25T16:32:52","modified_gmt":"2023-03-25T20:32:52","slug":"stop-the-cycle-of-codependency","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2023\/04\/stop-the-cycle-of-codependency.html","title":{"rendered":"Stop the Cycle of Codependency"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/03\/couple-7836141_1280-scaled.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-20946\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/03\/couple-7836141_1280-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"768\" height=\"512\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">During the <em>MeToo<\/em> movement, several celebrities disclosed their personal battles with codependency. However, codependency is not just a celebrity problem. It can characterize many relationships. While not a mental health disorder, codependency is dysfunctional and unhealthy &#8212; something we need to eliminate in our relationships.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Healthy relationships are built on <em>inter<\/em>dependency, a mutual responsibility to each other. To build that interdependency in a relationship, you must have a sense of self-worth. Our worth is derived from being a child of God and made in His image. It is not dependent on other people nor their opinions of us. Codependency involves being needy and depending on another person to enable your needs.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Codependent relationships involve constantly fixing the other person and responding to their neediness. For example, a parent who allows a child to skip a rehearsal because she doesn\u2019t feel like going, a spouse who makes excuses for a partner\u2019s rude behavior, or a friend who offers an alcoholic a drink.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Here are a few signs of codependency to consider:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\n<li>Always putting your needs aside for another and not expressing your emotions<\/li>\n<li>Assigning blame to others and not taking responsibility, basically making excuses<\/li>\n<li>Accepting mistreatment and \u201csurviving\u201d the relationship<\/li>\n<li>Not having personal boundaries<\/li>\n<li>Emotionally dependent on others to fix, rescue or control<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The cycle of codependency involves one person needing the other, and the other needs to be needed. So how can you stop this cycle?<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Understand your worth<\/strong> is already determined by God. Live in that acceptance and the fact that you reflect His image. Ephesians 2:10 says, <em>For we are God\u2019s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago<\/em>.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Recognize when someone steals your peace<\/strong> and you become mistrustful and needy. These are signs that the relationship is not healthy and needs intervention to break the cycle.<\/li>\n<li><strong>An excessive need to fix someone or enable their behavior<\/strong> is a clear sign of codependency. You need personal boundaries to allow others to work on themselves. Stop giving in to unhealthy behavior like substance abuse and show tough love. Offer to support the person\u2019s change, not do it for them or give in to their unhealthy patterns. This includes stop making excuses for them. Let them feel the consequences of their actions.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Stop needing to be needed.<\/strong> Move toward helping and supporting, but not from a motive of needing to be needed and sacrificing your own self-care.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Deal with feelings of fear and abandonment<\/strong>. These are not healthy motivators in any relationship. God doesn\u2019t give us a spirit of fear. He also doesn\u2019t abandon us. Our intimacy with Him is strengthened by these two facts. And this is a model for a healthy relationship as well. Fear should not be a motivator and abandonment should not be threatened.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being codependent is putting God second because you rely on someone else to meet your emotional needs rather than taking care of them yourself and trusting God. Change isn\u2019t easy, so if you need help ending the codependency cycle, see a Christian therapist who can walk you through the process.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>During the MeToo movement, several celebrities disclosed their personal battles with codependency. However, codependency is not just a celebrity problem. It can characterize many relationships. While not a mental health disorder, codependency is dysfunctional and unhealthy &#8212; something we need to eliminate in our relationships. Healthy relationships are built on interdependency, a mutual responsibility to&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913,914,917],"tags":[3816,3815,972,6999,6996],"class_list":["post-20937","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","category-family-relationships-2","category-friend-relationships","tag-codependency","tag-codependent","tag-couple-relationship","tag-cycle-of-codependency","tag-needy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Stop the Cycle of Codependency<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Codependent relationships involve constantly fixing the other person and responding to their neediness. Time to stop it!\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20937\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Stop the Cycle of Codependency\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Codependent relationships involve constantly fixing the other person and responding to their neediness. Time to stop it!\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20937\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-04-04T13:00:23+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-03-25T20:32:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/03\/couple-7836141_1280-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Stop the Cycle of Codependency","description":"Codependent relationships involve constantly fixing the other person and responding to their neediness. 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Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. 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