{"id":20766,"date":"2023-03-14T09:00:41","date_gmt":"2023-03-14T13:00:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20766"},"modified":"2023-03-12T09:00:03","modified_gmt":"2023-03-12T13:00:03","slug":"healing-from-betrayal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2023\/03\/healing-from-betrayal.html","title":{"rendered":"Healing from Betrayal"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Our familiarity with the quote, \u201cBeware the Ides of March,\u201d comes from the Shakespeare play, Julius Caesar.<\/em> In the play, the soothsayer warns Caesar of his assassination that will take place on the Ides of March (March 15). True to the warning, Caesar\u2019s is stabbed by his friend Brutus who has joined the conspiracy against him. Caesar\u2019s response to his betrayal includes another famous line, Et tu Brute<\/em>, meaning, you too Brutus?<\/p>\n

Betrayal, whether by a friend, family member or coworker, cuts deep. A husband cheats, a daughter lies, a co-worker turns on you, a friend goes behind your back…Your heart is broken!<\/p>\n

Our Savior knows the heartbreak of betrayal. His beloved disciples turned against him during his darkest hour. Judas gave Him over to his enemies for money. Peter denied Him for fear of retaliation. Yet, Jesus in his mercy and grace, chose to forgive. The betrayers didn\u2019t deserve it, but that was the point. Grace gives what isn\u2019t deserved.<\/p>\n

Jesus could have fought back. At his disposal were 10,000 angels ready to rescue Him from a death he did not deserve. He could call down an army, wipe out those who came against Him, and win an immediate victory and take care of his betrayers. Instead, He was wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities and the chastisement of our peace was upon Him (meaning the punishment that brought us peace was on Him). Because of his response, our reconciliation to God was made possible.<\/p>\n

What an incredible challenge we see in the response of Christ. Instead of exposing the depth of betrayal, Jesus allowed the betrayal that lead to His death, but also our reconciliation to God.<\/p>\n

If you have been betrayed, consider reconciliation.<\/strong>\u00a0To do so, ask God to give you His heart when it comes to healing from betrayal. Because God\u2019s grace is offered to us when we don\u2019t deserve it, offer it to the person who betrayed you. I know this is not natural, so ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Our model is Christ. He was despised, rejected, and abused. Yet, he had compassion for those who turned against Him and loved the unlovely.<\/p>\n

The first place to begin is a confession from the betrayer<\/strong>. Once they admit to wrong-doing, you can move forward towards reconciliation.<\/p>\n

To heal from betrayal, you must choose to forgive<\/strong> the person who broke your trust. This doesn\u2019t mean you condone the action of betrayal, minimize the impact, or act as if the problem never happened. Forgiveness means you acknowledge the breach of trust and choose not to allow it to fester into unforgiveness and bitterness. Forgiveness is essential for healing to take place.<\/p>\n

During the reconciliation process, you may need reassurance that the person<\/strong> is remorseful and changing their behavior. \u00a0Go ahead and ask them to reassure you when you need it. \u00a0After all, you were fooled by the betrayal, so reassurance from the betrayer that he or she is on the path to rebuilding trust with you, helps.<\/p>\n

Be patient<\/strong> in this healing process. You can\u2019t rush the rebuilding of trust. \u00a0Only time will tell if a person can become trustworthy again. And that is often frustrating for the person who betrayed\u2014they want the relationship to get back to normal, but normal has been disrupted and a breach of trust has occurred. Healing can come, but it may take time.<\/p>\n

During the painful process of working through a betrayal, it may be tempting to reference the betrayal when you are angry or upset. Don\u2019t use a trust violation as a weapon<\/strong> against the person. What is done, is done. Throwing it in the person\u2019s face whenever you feel hurt, will not help. Instead, focus on rebuilding the relationship. Prayer helps tremendously as God is working on healing your heart.<\/p>\n

Next, have a no secrets rule<\/strong>. Relationships built on secrecy do not do well. Betrayal usually begins in secrecy. Honesty is needed to rebuild trust, even when that honesty is painful.<\/p>\n

Also, when you are tempted to be unkind<\/strong> to the person who betrayed you, remember the biblical principle\u2014what you sow, you reap (Galatians 6:7). Returning unkind behavior will come back to you. So, create positive moments in your relationship from which to rebuild.<\/p>\n

Also important is letting go of judgment<\/strong> towards the person. You can choose to forgive but still hold on to judgment. However, releasing judgment is needed to go forward in a relationship. God will judge.<\/p>\n

Finally, <\/strong>if you have trouble rebuilding trust, you may want to see a counselor<\/strong> to help move all parties through the process. That can be very helpful. Find a Christian therapist to be a mediator and guide through the process of repair and reconciliation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Our familiarity with the quote, \u201cBeware the Ides of March,\u201d comes from the Shakespeare play, Julius Caesar. In the play, the soothsayer warns Caesar of his assassination that will take place on the Ides of March (March 15). True to the warning, Caesar\u2019s is stabbed by his friend Brutus who has joined the conspiracy against…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913,914,917],"tags":[1973,6963,201,6966,1271],"class_list":["post-20766","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","category-family-relationships-2","category-friend-relationships","tag-betrayal","tag-betrayed","tag-forgiveness","tag-ides-of-march","tag-reconciliation"],"yoast_head":"\nHealing from Betrayal<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Betrayal, cuts deep. A husband cheats, a daughter lies, a co-worker turns on you, a friend goes behind your back...Your heart is broken!\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20766\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Healing from Betrayal\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Betrayal, cuts deep. A husband cheats, a daughter lies, a co-worker turns on you, a friend goes behind your back...Your heart is broken!\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20766\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-03-14T13:00:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-03-12T13:00:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/03\/woman-4721873_1280-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Healing from Betrayal","description":"Betrayal, cuts deep. A husband cheats, a daughter lies, a co-worker turns on you, a friend goes behind your back...Your heart is broken!","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20766","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Healing from Betrayal","og_description":"Betrayal, cuts deep. A husband cheats, a daughter lies, a co-worker turns on you, a friend goes behind your back...Your heart is broken!","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20766","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2023-03-14T13:00:41+00:00","article_modified_time":"2023-03-12T13:00:03+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/03\/woman-4721873_1280-scaled.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20766","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20766","name":"Healing from Betrayal","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20766#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20766#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/03\/woman-4721873_1280-scaled.jpg","datePublished":"2023-03-14T13:00:41+00:00","dateModified":"2023-03-12T13:00:03+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"description":"Betrayal, cuts deep. A husband cheats, a daughter lies, a co-worker turns on you, a friend goes behind your back...Your heart is broken!","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20766#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20766"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20766#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/03\/woman-4721873_1280-scaled.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/03\/woman-4721873_1280-scaled.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20766#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Healing from Betrayal"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice & Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20766","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20766"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20766\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20811,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20766\/revisions\/20811"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20766"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20766"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20766"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}