{"id":20361,"date":"2023-01-26T09:00:16","date_gmt":"2023-01-26T14:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=20361"},"modified":"2023-01-21T08:41:29","modified_gmt":"2023-01-21T13:41:29","slug":"coping-with-sudden-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2023\/01\/coping-with-sudden-loss.html","title":{"rendered":"Coping With Sudden Loss"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

In this broken world in which we live, bad things happen that are out of our control. While we don\u2019t like to think about loss, we do need to know how to cope with it when it happens.\u00a0In the past few weeks, I know several people who experienced sudden loss. Loved ones who died unexpectedly, job loss, property loss and devastating family news.<\/p>\n

Sudden loss is different than expected loss in several ways. There is no time to prepare for the unexpected. And the last interaction you had with a person may not be positive, leaving you with guilt and regret. At times, sudden loss can hit you when you are alone, away from a support person or group making it harder to cope. Because it is unexpected, there are more questions, and the shock may last longer. Finally, sudden loss can be tragic, making it difficult to recover.<\/p>\n

When sudden loss occurs, there questions are common:<\/p>\n

Did it really happen?<\/strong><\/p>\n

It takes time for the full impact of the loss to register. The initial reaction is disbelief, shock or numbness. Often it feels like. dream-state that you hope from which you will awake.<\/p>\n

Could I have done something more\u2014or differently?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cIf only\u2026\u201d It\u2019s normal to rehearse various scenarios in our minds as to how we think we could have prevented the loss. Most of time, we could not, and this is a defensive mechanism to process the feeling of no control.\u00a0To make sense of the loss, you might retrace your steps or words to determine if you could have done something differently, but this is not helpful. It doesn’t change anything.<\/p>\n

Am I worthy of living?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did I do to deserve to live?\u201d This is known as survivor\u2019s guilt. When there is a tragedy and someone survives and others die, this is a common reaction.<\/p>\n

Who can I blame?<\/strong><\/p>\n

When we experience anything out of our control, we want to blame someone or something as a way to make sense of it.<\/p>\n

Why can’t medical and legal authorities leave me alone?<\/strong><\/p>\n

At the time of a sudden death, no one wants to deal with questions from police, coroners, doctors, investigators and other officials. We feel they are invading our private moments of grief, and they are. Yet sometimes these intrusive questions are vital to obtaining needed information. We also feel a sense of morbidity when we deal with funeral directors, the county coroner and others trying to make funeral arrangements. These people are accustomed to murder and death. Sometimes they appear insensitive and uncaring.<\/p>\n

Why can\u2019t I talk to him or her one more time?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The last thing said may have been pleasant and loving. Maybe you were able to give a last hug, smile at your child or tell her you loved her. Maybe you had an argument, were hurried that morning, didn\u2019t speak or had to discipline. Regrets and unfinished business are normal. Don\u2019t dwell on them. It serves no purpose.<\/p>\n

God, why?<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s OK to ask this, and you will, many times. There is no easy answer. You may never know, and that\u2019s the toughest part of saying goodbye this way.<\/p>\n

To move through sudden loss:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Acknowledge your feelings<\/strong>. Don’t pretend that because you are a Christian you don’t feel the pain. And people express grief in different ways\u2026some cry, get angry, feel nothing at all, some even smile.\u00a0Sudden loss just feels unfair. So anger does well up and you may blame anyone around you \u2013it\u2019s often not logical, but the anger is protective of the sadness that you can\u2019t bear constantly.<\/p>\n

Embraced the pain.\u00a0<\/strong>The Lord grieved the death of his friend Lazarus even though he knew he would see him again. Jesus wept. He embraced the pain.<\/p>\n

Allow the pain to turn you towards God, not away from Him.\u00a0<\/b>Don\u2019t turn to substances, or other unhealthy distractions. God allowed biblical Job to cry out in pain and even blame him for a world His creation messed up. As Philip Yancey points out, God was not on trial in the book of Job, Job was on trial for his faith. Keep the faith despite the pain. Job 1:21 says,\u00a0 \u201c\u2026the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.\u201d He trusted God no matter what came his way.Faith is what we don’t see. God can take our pain and transforms it for His glory.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Keep your routine as much as possible<\/strong>. It does help to try and keep a sense of normalcy as much as possible. Go about your routine, but if you can\u2019t at first, don\u2019t pressure yourself. Take your time, but try to work back to a routine. Bathe, change your clothes, comb your hair, and get out of bed.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Join a grief group if you need help<\/strong>: Some people may benefit from a grief group like Grief Share<\/a>\u00a0offered in many churches. Grief Share is a Christ centered, video-based support program. It helps to share your journey with others who have experienced loss as well. \u00a0You won\u2019t feel so alone in your grief.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Remember<\/strong>: Psalms 30:5 tells us, \u201cWeeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning\u201d<\/em> Eventually, the intense pain will relent.\u00a0Also, we have the hope of seeing our loved ones again. Until then, Revelation 21:4 reminds us that one day, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes.\u00a0There will be no more death\u00a0or mourning or crying or pain,\u00a0for the old order of things has passed away.\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In this broken world in which we live, bad things happen that are out of our control. While we don\u2019t like to think about loss, we do need to know how to cope with it when it happens.\u00a0In the past few weeks, I know several people who experienced sudden loss. Loved ones who died unexpectedly,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4099],"tags":[510,851,1899,210,6055,6864],"class_list":["post-20361","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stress","tag-death","tag-grief","tag-grieving","tag-loss","tag-sudden-loss","tag-unexpected-loss"],"yoast_head":"\nCoping With Sudden Loss<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In this broken world, bad things happen that are out of our control. 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