{"id":19159,"date":"2022-08-02T09:00:37","date_gmt":"2022-08-02T13:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=19159"},"modified":"2022-09-28T11:20:31","modified_gmt":"2022-09-28T15:20:31","slug":"7-ways-to-stop-needing-approval","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2022\/08\/7-ways-to-stop-needing-approval.html","title":{"rendered":"7 Ways to Stop Needing Approval"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

You want to say no to something because you do not think it is the right thing to do. Do you approach it with the thought, \u201cIf I say no, what will other people think?” Or do you say, \u201cI need to stand fast on what I believe?\u201d The first response involves the approval of others. The second one is about challenging yourself to be consistent with your beliefs.<\/p>\n

Letting go of the need to please others<\/em> frees you up to grow. It stops the negative cycle of worrying about what others think. And it certainly stops the anxiety that comes with people-pleasing. Fear of letting others down can keep you stuck and ruin your life.<\/p>\n

So where does this need for approval come from? Is it deeply rooted in childhood? Perhaps, but it can also develop by a weak sense of self in which your uncertainty leaves you overly dependent on others to define your worth or even your actions. Seeking advice or wisdom from others is one thing. But being unable to make decisions for fear of disappointing someone is bondage. What is right for you based on your values and spiritual life may not be approved by others. This is why a strong sense of self is important. Know what you believe, why you believe it and stand firm.<\/p>\n

Here are 7 points to help you stop approval seeking:<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Someone’s disapproval<\/strong>\u00a0is not consistent with your beliefs.<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span>When others question your decisions, listen, but then critically analyze if their opinions are consistent with who you are and what you believe. If not, tolerate their disapproval or disappointment. Don’t give in to it just to please or keep the peace.<\/li>\n
  2. Who\u00a0says they are right?<\/b>\u00a0 When someone criticizes you or disapproves, think of it as feedback or input. Is it legitimate or just their opinion? And who says they are right? We can learn from feedback but the opinions of others are often just that, opinions. You have one authority who determines right and wrong-God. He is the One to please.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Stop telling people what they want to hear.\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0Be honest and authentic about what you think, feel and do. There are too many parrots in our culture–people who repeat narratives with no real understanding of what they are saying. For example, \u201cGo ahead and hook up. It\u2019s empowering.\u201d Is it? Have you talked to people who hook up? Are there negative consequences for this behavior? I can tell you as a therapist, yes. It doesn’t lead to flourishing or improved self-esteem and confidence. Hooking up to \u201cfeel loved\u201d doesn\u2019t work. It is often followed by regret and guilt. And certainly. don’t do it for the approval of others.<\/li>\n
  4. Find your identity in the right place.<\/strong>\u00a0Do not give others the power to define you. Your identity is found first and foremost in Christ. He already approves of you, not because of what you do, how much money you make, who you know or any other material measure you can imagine. He approves of you because He loves you, you are His and made in His image. And God\u2019s love is not earned, it just is!<\/li>\n
  5. Confidence and validation lead to a strong sense of self.<\/strong>\u00a0Where you find confidence and validation matters. Both come from knowing you are a child of God. So quiet the negative voice in your head that is inconsistent with who God says you are. Read God\u2019s word to know what he says about you. You are loved, cherished, desired, affirmed\u2026and so much more. Do your beliefs match what God says about you? If not, that’s not God\u2019s voice in your head.<\/li>\n
  6. Surround yourself with others who find their identity in Christ.<\/strong> \u00a0Keep each other honest. Renew your thinking when the culture tells you otherwise. Our identity is not in our sexuality, gender, wealth or fame or any measure apart from God. It is solidly based on knowing to whom we belong. And we need others to remind us of this because the culture always says otherwise.<\/li>\n
  7. Sop comparing yourself to others.<\/strong> You are wonderfully and fearfully made. A unique creation with your own gifts and talents. Be brave. Be yourself. Do you! But when you do, be consistent with your values and beliefs. Comparisons fall short and lead to anxiety.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    You want to say no to something because you do not think it is the right thing to do. Do you approach it with the thought, \u201cIf I say no, what will other people think?” Or do you say, \u201cI need to stand fast on what I believe?\u201d The first response involves the approval of…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914,917],"tags":[6496,190,4997,6511,1123,3460,3754],"class_list":["post-19159","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","category-friend-relationships","tag-approval","tag-identity","tag-people-pleaser","tag-people-pleasing","tag-self-image","tag-self-worth","tag-validation"],"yoast_head":"\n7 Ways to Stop Needing Approval<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Losing the need to have approval from others, frees you up to grow. 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