{"id":14907,"date":"2021-04-20T06:00:20","date_gmt":"2021-04-20T10:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=14907"},"modified":"2021-04-17T16:54:38","modified_gmt":"2021-04-17T20:54:38","slug":"how-to-deal-with-an-explosive-person","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2021\/04\/how-to-deal-with-an-explosive-person.html","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal With An Explosive Person"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Lisa: “Hey Tim, would you mind taking out the trash on your way to the car?”<\/p>\n

Tim could feel his anger rising. Yes, it was a simple request but he knew he was about to have another attack. He could feel the aggressive impulse building. “I am so tired of being told what to do. I will take out the trash when I feel like it. Stop being so demanding!” Then he hit the table and walked away.<\/p>\n

Lisa had not been demanding. She asked nicely. Then, suddenly Tim was very angry. He flew into a rage for no apparent reason. Lisa was stunned at the intensity of his response. She told me his reaction seemed way out of proportion to the request. This has happened three to four times before. She is worried.<\/p>\n

Tim struggles with a psychiatric disorder called Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). Like the bomb IED, Tim has an explosive anger. His reactions are more than the occasional outburst under stress. Like an IED, Lisa doesn’t \u00a0see it coming.<\/p>\n

Between 1 to 7% of people will develop this disorder during their lifetime. Usually it develops in the teen years, but can be seen earlier or in someone older. While we don’t know exactly why this occurs in some people, we do know there are contributing factors.<\/p>\n

Tim was exposed to verbal and physical abuse as a child. This is a risk factor. He also had a history of trauma as a child, another risk factor. And this disorder appears to run in families. Tim’s father was often described as someone with a very bad temper. In some cases, depression, anxiety and substance are also present.<\/p>\n

Basically, IED presents like an adult temper tantrum. Or think of the Hulk. The person goes into a rage over something that doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. They become irritable, shout, argue, damage things, get into fights, threaten other people, have racing thoughts, chest tightness, tremors and palpitations. The person has trouble resisting those aggressive impulses no matter the cause.<\/p>\n

This disorder falls into a category of psychiatric disorders related to impulse control and disruptive behavior. People with IED don’t usually seek treatment until there are major problems at work or in their relationships. The key feature is the difficulty controlling aggressive impulses. There is also verbal aggression that does not result in physical harm to people, property or animals. But the person can also have at least 3 episodes of damaging or destroying property or physical assault. Basically, the aggression shown is out of proportion to the situation. However, unlike someone who has conduct disorder, the person usually feels bad after the explosive outburst and can express genuine regret. Some, like Tim, feel embarrassed by his behavior after the fact.<\/p>\n

People with IED need treatment to learn better coping for the intense aggressive impulses they feel. They have to learn relaxation techniques and work on changing the way they think, recognizing what triggers their anger. A type of therapy called Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) helps the person reappraise his thoughts that lead to aggression. In addition, using an adult time-out to calm down can be extremely helpful. Sometimes medications are used to reduce aggressive impulses. Finally, avoiding alcohol and drugs, which make a person disinhibited, is recommended.<\/p>\n

When people do not get help, it obviously affects their relationships. Lisa became frightened of Tim and lost all trust in his ability to control himself. This led Tim to feel depressed and use alcohol to calm himself down. Of course, this didn’t help him when his low frustration tolerance was activated. In the end, Tim agreed to work with a therapist. Looking back, his explosive episodes had been a problem for a long time. He didn’t want to scare his wife and be out of control. And he was afraid these outburst may happen at his workplace. So Tim, got help and is doing much better today.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Lisa: “Hey Tim, would you mind taking out the trash on your way to the car?” Tim could feel his anger rising. Yes, it was a simple request but he knew he was about to have another attack. He could feel the aggressive impulse building. “I am so tired of being told what to do.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913,914,917],"tags":[75,1846,5460,5469,1469,5454,5466,1583,5463],"class_list":["post-14907","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","category-family-relationships-2","category-friend-relationships","tag-anger","tag-anger-control","tag-explosive","tag-ied","tag-impulsivity","tag-intermitten-explosive-disorder","tag-lack-of-control","tag-self-control","tag-temper-problems"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Deal With An Explosive Person<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The way you diagnosis IED is to take a good medical and psychiatric history. 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