{"id":12561,"date":"2020-07-14T06:00:58","date_gmt":"2020-07-14T10:00:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=12561"},"modified":"2020-07-03T10:13:56","modified_gmt":"2020-07-03T14:13:56","slug":"5-upsetting-things-not-to-say-to-your-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2020\/07\/5-upsetting-things-not-to-say-to-your-partner.html","title":{"rendered":"5 Upsetting Things NOT to Say To Your Partner"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>If you are on social media or listening to the news, you know there are a lot of upsetting things being said these days. But what about the upsetting things we say to our partners? For example, I remember arguing with my husband a few years back. In a moment of anger, I said, “You are just like your father….” That hurt him, and it was completely unfair.<\/p>\n

Look, all of us have said a few regretful words. But does that excuse our careless words? Do we carefully think about how our words can help or hurt our relationships? Or do we just let words fly. We should, as words are powerful. And good intentions don\u2019t make up for saying upsetting things.<\/p>\n

Here are 5 upsetting things to avoid saying to your partner:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \u201cI know exactly how you feel!\u201d <\/strong>But do you? No one knows the intimate feelings someone else is experiencing given their unique circumstances and life experiences. Better to say, \u201cTell me what you feel\u201d and then just listen.<\/li>\n
  2. \u201cI was only joking<\/strong>.\u201d This statement raises suspicion. Were you only joking or is there some meaning behind what you said. When you say this because your partner is upset, just say, “That was a bad choice of words. I am sorry.” Don\u2019t try to minimize the impact of insensitive jokes.<\/li>\n
  3. \u201cBut you have such a pretty face.\u201d<\/strong> Ok, this is code for the rest of you needs work. Most of us are sensitive about our weight so I would advise you don\u2019t go there! An overweight person immediately thinks you are telling them they are fat. Think of a better way to compliment your partner.<\/li>\n
  4. \u201cWere you always this annoying or did you just become like this?\u201d<\/strong> Ouch, there is no good way to rescue this awful statement so don\u2019t use it. It\u2019s indirect and mean-spirited. If you are frustrated with your partner\u2019s behavior, say, \u201c I am feeling annoyed and it relates to something you just did.\u201d This gets at this issue without being snarky.<\/li>\n
  5. \u201cYou make me\u2026\u2026\u201d <\/strong>This is classic but in reality, no one makes you do anything or has the power to make you feel a certain way if you don\u2019t let them. Own your feelings. Tie your feelings to something they said or did (a behavior) but say, \u201cWhen you ______I felt disrespected.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Proverbs 18:21 tells us that the tongue has the power of life and death. That is so true when it comes to growing our relationships. Our words matter. Let\u2019s not use them to upset our partners, but rather, use our words to encourage and give life.<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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