{"id":10994,"date":"2019-08-15T06:00:54","date_gmt":"2019-08-15T10:00:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=10994"},"modified":"2019-08-09T07:18:31","modified_gmt":"2019-08-09T11:18:31","slug":"are-you-being-taken-advantage-of","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2019\/08\/are-you-being-taken-advantage-of.html","title":{"rendered":"Are You Being Taken Advantage Of?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-large wp-image-10997\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2019\/08\/beautiful-2910261_1920-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"beautiful-2910261_1920\" width=\"1024\" height=\"683\" \/>When we were in Cozumel Mexico on a vacation with our children, our son wanted to buy a little trinket for a friend. He was browsing in the store and the shop owners were following him and talking <em>about<\/em> him in Spanish. The only reason we knew this was because my husband was with our son and he is fluent in Spanish having grown up in Latin America. The shop owners didn\u2019t know this\u00a0and were having conversations about how they were going to take advantage of this American teen and charge him more money than the item was worth. They were laughing about this na\u00efve American kid until at checkout, my husband started speaking perfect Spanish and they realized he had heard their conversations!<\/p>\n<p>Perhaps you have experienced something similar\u00a0in the workplace:\u00a0Someone needs help with an email, needs to you to take over the phones for a while, asks\u00a0you to run an errand, \u2014you always do it and the person knows it, so asks often and is taking advantage of your willingness.\u00a0There are many times in life when we feel we are being taken advantage of and as a result, feel disrespected. If you are a people pleaser, a genuinely kind person who wants to help, or naive in a situation, being taken advantage of\u00a0can happen.<\/p>\n<p>Some people allow themselves to be doormats because of their own insecurities and low self-worth. They fear rejection, so they allow their personal boundaries to be violated by others in hopes they will be appreciated and loved. They are trying to gain validation by given in to unreasonable requests, in effect, getting their validation from others instead of relying on God to affirm them.<\/p>\n<p>There is nothing wrong with saying no, setting limits, being assertive, or developing self-respect. In fact, doing all these things keeps you from becoming\u00a0resentment. Work on being more assertive and setting limits with other people so you don\u2019t find yourself \u00a0in a resentful position. There is a fine line when it comes to helping people and being disrespected or taken advantage of.<\/p>\n<p>We should stop feeling guilty for appropriately saying No. Sometimes, we are enabling irresponsibility of others and that is not helpful. Fear that is rooted in a desire for others to love, appreciate, or need us, can lead us to rescue those who should experience their own consequences. That is called enabling \u2013not a healthy type of help.\u00a0When you set appropriate boundaries, it prevents resentment and forces others to take responsibility for their actions. When asked to violate a boundary, be empowered to take a stand with a polite \u201cno.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Doormats are generally people who are afraid to say \u201cno\u201d when they need to. If this is you, recognizing why you\u00a0are afraid to say no can be a big step in overcoming this problem. It is usually fear. Then deal with the fear which is almost always rooted in a need to be loved or please others. Instead, work on pleasing God, not man.<\/p>\n<p>The Bible calls us to be good stewards of our resources\u2014that includes both our time and our money. We need to manage both, pay our bills, take care of our responsibilities, rest and have time to be with God. We don\u2019t need to drop everything in order to all do things for people who can do for themselves. There is a balance and that is really the issue\u2014when you are being used, people it is OK to set boundaries.<\/p>\n<p>If it happens that someone does take advantage of you, we are not to retaliate. Being a doormat is weakness, but choosing forgiveness is strength. \u201cA person\u2019s wisdom yields patience; it is to one\u2019s glory to overlook an offense\u201d (<a href=\"https:\/\/biblia.com\/bible\/esv\/Prov%2019.11\">Proverbs 19:11<\/a>). God is always looking at the heart. So if we help someone out of a pure motive to help, that is a good thing. But when we do it because we feel pressured, fearful or need to please, that is problematic.<\/p>\n<p>The biggest lesson my husband taught our son during that event of being taken advantage of was to be gracious. When he opened his mouth to speak Spanish, the salesperson knew what he had done. There was no need to rub it in or be rude back. If you are someone who easily gives in to others and then feels bad that you did, be gracious. Find a coach or mentor who \u00a0can give you honest feedback and help you stop this pattern. Continue to help others, but do so from a motive of love, not pleasing or feeling pressured.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When we were in Cozumel Mexico on a vacation with our children, our son wanted to buy a little trinket for a friend. He was browsing in the store and the shop owners were following him and talking about him in Spanish. The only reason we knew this was because my husband was with our&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[917],"tags":[4470,4405,1279,4469,4468],"class_list":["post-10994","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-friend-relationships","tag-being-used","tag-disrespect","tag-giving-in","tag-guilty","tag-taken-advantage"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Are You Being Taken Advantage Of?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2019\/08\/are-you-being-taken-advantage-of.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Are You Being Taken Advantage Of?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When we were in Cozumel Mexico on a vacation with our children, our son wanted to buy a little trinket for a friend. 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The only reason we knew this was because my husband was with our&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2019\/08\/are-you-being-taken-advantage-of.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-08-15T10:00:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2019-08-09T11:18:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2019\/08\/beautiful-2910261_1920-1024x683.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Are You Being Taken Advantage Of?","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2019\/08\/are-you-being-taken-advantage-of.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Are You Being Taken Advantage Of?","og_description":"When we were in Cozumel Mexico on a vacation with our children, our son wanted to buy a little trinket for a friend. He was browsing in the store and the shop owners were following him and talking about him in Spanish. The only reason we knew this was because my husband was with our&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2019\/08\/are-you-being-taken-advantage-of.html","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2019-08-15T10:00:54+00:00","article_modified_time":"2019-08-09T11:18:31+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2019\/08\/beautiful-2910261_1920-1024x683.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2019\/08\/are-you-being-taken-advantage-of.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2019\/08\/are-you-being-taken-advantage-of.html","name":"Are You Being Taken Advantage Of?","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2019\/08\/are-you-being-taken-advantage-of.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2019\/08\/are-you-being-taken-advantage-of.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2019\/08\/beautiful-2910261_1920-1024x683.jpg","datePublished":"2019-08-15T10:00:54+00:00","dateModified":"2019-08-09T11:18:31+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2019\/08\/are-you-being-taken-advantage-of.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2019\/08\/are-you-being-taken-advantage-of.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2019\/08\/are-you-being-taken-advantage-of.html#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2019\/08\/beautiful-2910261_1920-1024x683.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2019\/08\/beautiful-2910261_1920-1024x683.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2019\/08\/are-you-being-taken-advantage-of.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Are You Being Taken Advantage Of?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice &amp; Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10994","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10994"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10994\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10998,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10994\/revisions\/10998"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10994"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10994"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10994"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}