{"id":10510,"date":"2018-11-26T06:00:24","date_gmt":"2018-11-26T11:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=10510"},"modified":"2018-11-24T08:16:48","modified_gmt":"2018-11-24T13:16:48","slug":"what-are-your-relationship-expectations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/11\/what-are-your-relationship-expectations.html","title":{"rendered":"Are You Discussing Relationship Expectations?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-9906\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2013\/08\/couple-divorec-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"couple divorec\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" \/>John and Sue have never had a conversation regarding their relationship expectations. This came to a head when Sue admitted she was disappointed in the way their relationship was going and was considering ending it. John was shocked and had no idea Sue was so unhappy.<\/p>\n<p>Relationship expectations make a difference and need to be discussed. When expectations\u00a0are positive, it helps a relationship grow. When you don\u2019t know what the expectations are, it causes problems. And when relationship expectations aren\u2019t met, it leads to distress.<\/p>\n<p>People have interesting approaches to deal with relationship expectations. Some, like John and Sue, never\u00a0discuss them. Others\u00a0think that if you expect little in a relationship, you become pleasantly surprised when an expectation is met. But studies show that people who have low relationship expectations tend to be treated poorly, but\u00a0the reverse is also true.<\/p>\n<p>Even if\u00a0you have high expectations, they need to be reasonable. For example, do you expect your partner to understand you without ever having to explain yourself? While being understood is a good expectation, this is an example of a relationship expectation that needs to be adjusted and made more realistic. You can\u2019t be understood if your feelings and needs aren\u2019t communicated. You have to talk about how being understood will happen&#8211;usually that means communicating well. Thus, healthy communication is an expectation.<\/p>\n<p>Here are a few relationship expectations to discuss in order to decide what is reasonable:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>How much time should your partner spend with friends versus you?<\/li>\n<li>Are your demands too high\u2014name a few and get the reaction of the other person.<\/li>\n<li>Do you see conflict as a normal part of every relationship?<\/li>\n<li>How much do you compare your relationship to people you see on social media?<\/li>\n<li>Do you\u00a0have to have the same interests? If not, is that an issue?<\/li>\n<li>What are expectations around your sexual relationship?<\/li>\n<li>How important is trust in the relationship?<\/li>\n<li>Do you expect to be loved unconditionally or are there strings attached to love?<\/li>\n<li>Do you expect the other person to fix all your wounds from childhood?<\/li>\n<li>Do you expect a relationship free from any type of abuse?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Discussing expectations like the ones above can prevent problems. And this type of discussion may make a difference as to whether or not you pursue a relationship or stay in one.<\/p>\n<p>Once you put expectations on the table, you can decide if they are reasonable or up for negotiations. But if you never talk about them and they don\u2019t get met, you can build anger and resentment towards the other person.<\/p>\n<p>Most people in a loving relationship will do their best to meet reasonable expectations. The problem is not making those expectations known. So, verbalize your relationship expectations and see where you have agreement. On points of disagreement, talk about how your expectations formed and how your family handles differences. While these conversations can be difficult to have, working through differences can make or break your relationship health.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>John and Sue have never had a conversation regarding their relationship expectations. This came to a head when Sue admitted she was disappointed in the way their relationship was going and was considering ending it. John was shocked and had no idea Sue was so unhappy. Relationship expectations make a difference and need to be&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914],"tags":[747,4319,4320,53],"class_list":["post-10510","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","tag-expectations","tag-healthy-relations","tag-relationship-expectations","tag-relationships"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Are You Discussing Relationship Expectations?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/11\/what-are-your-relationship-expectations.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Are You Discussing Relationship Expectations?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"John and Sue have never had a conversation regarding their relationship expectations. This came to a head when Sue admitted she was disappointed in the way their relationship was going and was considering ending it. John was shocked and had no idea Sue was so unhappy. Relationship expectations make a difference and need to be&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/11\/what-are-your-relationship-expectations.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-11-26T11:00:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2018-11-24T13:16:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2013\/08\/couple-divorec-300x200.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Are You Discussing Relationship Expectations?","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/11\/what-are-your-relationship-expectations.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Are You Discussing Relationship Expectations?","og_description":"John and Sue have never had a conversation regarding their relationship expectations. This came to a head when Sue admitted she was disappointed in the way their relationship was going and was considering ending it. John was shocked and had no idea Sue was so unhappy. Relationship expectations make a difference and need to be&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/11\/what-are-your-relationship-expectations.html","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2018-11-26T11:00:24+00:00","article_modified_time":"2018-11-24T13:16:48+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2013\/08\/couple-divorec-300x200.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/11\/what-are-your-relationship-expectations.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/11\/what-are-your-relationship-expectations.html","name":"Are You Discussing Relationship Expectations?","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/11\/what-are-your-relationship-expectations.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/11\/what-are-your-relationship-expectations.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2013\/08\/couple-divorec-300x200.jpg","datePublished":"2018-11-26T11:00:24+00:00","dateModified":"2018-11-24T13:16:48+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/11\/what-are-your-relationship-expectations.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/11\/what-are-your-relationship-expectations.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/11\/what-are-your-relationship-expectations.html#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2013\/08\/couple-divorec-300x200.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2013\/08\/couple-divorec-300x200.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/11\/what-are-your-relationship-expectations.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Are You Discussing Relationship Expectations?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice &amp; Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10510","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10510"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10510\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10516,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10510\/revisions\/10516"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10510"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10510"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10510"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}