{"id":10347,"date":"2018-08-30T06:00:02","date_gmt":"2018-08-30T10:00:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=10347"},"modified":"2018-08-25T09:07:23","modified_gmt":"2018-08-25T13:07:23","slug":"process-forgiveness-healing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/08\/process-forgiveness-healing.html","title":{"rendered":"The Process of Forgiveness For Healing"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-10361\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2018\/08\/business-3230025_1920-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"business-3230025_1920\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" \/>In my 30 years of working with people, I have seen the power of forgiveness set people free. An adult child who was sexually abused, a wife betrayed by a husband, a teen whose addicted father beat him, a parent who lost a child from a drunk driver&#8230;the list could do on and on. Was it easy for \u00a0people to forgive? Not at first. It isn&#8217;t our instinctual reaction. But the way forgiveness affects your body, soul and spirit is powerful and leads to freedom.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Forgiveness is usually a process. Emotions often need to catch up to the head decision to forgive. It takes time to emotionally work through an offense or wrong doing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Forgiveness researchers Enright and Fitzgibbon<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\"> outline \u00a0four stages of the forgiveness process: 1) The uncovering stage in which you realize how you have been affected by the offense. You are thinking about what happened and gathering information. During this first stage, you realize what happened and how it affected you. Basically, who did what to whom. It helps to ask questions like, how is unforgiveness affecting my health? How much space is unforgiveness occupying in my life? Am I avoiding a necessary part of my healing? <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">2) Next is the decision phase. You make a decision to forgive, recognizing that not doing so will cost you more pain. What has been stopping you from letting go? What has blocked you from choosing to forgive? <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">3) The third phase is the working phase. We do the work of forgiveness, dealing with our emotional reactions, trying to apply empathy and compassion to others and moving through difficult feelings. This part of forgiveness work cannot be rushed or demanded. It is the hardest part of the work because we can make a decision to forgive without working through the emotions internally. Overcoming negative feelings changes you in terms of motivation, your thoughts and eventually your behavior. When you truly work through the emotional process with forgiveness, you begin to consider the other person and feel empathy. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u00a04) Finally, there is a deepening phase in which we feel release and give meaning to the importance of forgiveness and confront suffering. When forgiveness is worked through on a deep level, it promotes health. It combats stress, hostility and rumination. It aids the healing process.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Our culture often focuses us\u00a0on revenge, hanging on to offense and cutting people who bother us out of our lives. But forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It doesn&#8217;t require reconciliation or apology. It moves you out of resentment and bitterness to a place where the person who harmed you no longer has power over you. The offense was real, but you choose not to let it steal your joy. You can&#8217;t change what happened, but you can change how you respond to life.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In my 30 years of working with people, I have seen the power of forgiveness set people free. An adult child who was sexually abused, a wife betrayed by a husband, a teen whose addicted father beat him, a parent who lost a child from a drunk driver&#8230;the list could do on and on. Was&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913,914,917],"tags":[4266,201,4267],"class_list":["post-10347","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","category-family-relationships-2","category-friend-relationships","tag-emotional-healing","tag-forgiveness","tag-steps-to-forgive"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Process of Forgiveness For Healing<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/08\/process-forgiveness-healing.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Process of Forgiveness For Healing\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In my 30 years of working with people, I have seen the power of forgiveness set people free. An adult child who was sexually abused, a wife betrayed by a husband, a teen whose addicted father beat him, a parent who lost a child from a drunk driver&#8230;the list could do on and on. Was&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/08\/process-forgiveness-healing.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-08-30T10:00:02+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2018-08-25T13:07:23+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2018\/08\/business-3230025_1920-200x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"The Process of Forgiveness For Healing","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/08\/process-forgiveness-healing.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"The Process of Forgiveness For Healing","og_description":"In my 30 years of working with people, I have seen the power of forgiveness set people free. An adult child who was sexually abused, a wife betrayed by a husband, a teen whose addicted father beat him, a parent who lost a child from a drunk driver&#8230;the list could do on and on. 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Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. 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