{"id":10176,"date":"2018-05-23T06:00:09","date_gmt":"2018-05-23T10:00:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=10176"},"modified":"2018-05-18T18:49:41","modified_gmt":"2018-05-18T22:49:41","slug":"are-you-commitment-phobic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/05\/are-you-commitment-phobic.html","title":{"rendered":"Are You Commitment Phobic?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-10179\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2018\/05\/fear-2530719_1920-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"fear-2530719_1920\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" \/>Kirstin was being pressed to say, \u2018Yes\u201d to a dating proposal. She didn\u2019t know why she struggled to make this basic commitment\u00a0to date a really nice man in her singles class at church. She wants to eventually get married and have children. \u00a0She will never meet the right person if she doesn\u2019t take a chance. \u00a0As she talked with me more, it was apparent that commitment to anything was hard for her. She was afraid to make a wrong choice.<\/p>\n<p>John had a similar issue, but it was related to accepting a new job. Everything about the job looked promising, but fear about leaving a good job for a better one took over. He couldn\u2019t commit to the change and later regretted his decision.<\/p>\n<p>Alison was afraid to commit when it came to signing up to serve in her church. What if she had conflicts with the times? What if she didn\u2019t like what she was doing? What if\u2026the list was long. Instead of deciding to just do it, she languished in worry about the negative possibilities.<\/p>\n<p>These people are not alone in their commitment phobia. A number of people have problems committing to doing things and more importantly, committing to a relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Here are 6 questions to consider in order to determine if you have commitment phobia?<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Do I have a history of short-term relationships? Have I had difficulty staying in a relationship and working it through?<\/li>\n<li>Do I wait until the last minute to commit? Am I the type of person who wants to see all options or wait for a better opportunity, thus, I avoid saying yes?<\/li>\n<li>Do I say, \u201cMaybe\u201d more often than \u201cYes\u201d or \u201cNo\u201d based on fear that I could make a wrong decision?<\/li>\n<li>Do I use the words, \u201cI might,\u201d \u201cperhaps\u201d \u201cprobably\u201d rather than making decisions because I want options?<\/li>\n<li>Do I have close friends or only\u00a0acquaintances?<\/li>\n<li>Am I unpredictable? Do I think that if people don\u2019t know what I am doing, they won&#8217;t\u00a0be let down.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If commitment phobia is a problem you self-diagnose, try to get at the root of this issue. Usually some type of fear is the culprit. Consider your original family and how stable you felt growing up. Then look at your previous relationship history. Was it problematic? Next, name the fear and face it.<\/p>\n<p>Finally, make sure your relationship expectations are realistic. You won\u2019t find a perfect person or situation. In life and relationships, hurt and rejection can happen. You will\u00a0make mistakes and sometimes you lose out. But the positive side is that your risks can pay off and bring you closer to your life goals. The key is to not allow fear to drive your lack of decision making or block a potentially satisfying relationship.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Kirstin was being pressed to say, \u2018Yes\u201d to a dating proposal. She didn\u2019t know why she struggled to make this basic commitment\u00a0to date a really nice man in her singles class at church. She wants to eventually get married and have children. \u00a0She will never meet the right person if she doesn\u2019t take a chance.&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913,914,917],"tags":[4214,4215],"class_list":["post-10176","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","category-family-relationships-2","category-friend-relationships","tag-commitment-phobia","tag-fear-of-commitment"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Are You Commitment Phobic?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/05\/are-you-commitment-phobic.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Are You Commitment Phobic?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Kirstin was being pressed to say, \u2018Yes\u201d to a dating proposal. She didn\u2019t know why she struggled to make this basic commitment\u00a0to date a really nice man in her singles class at church. She wants to eventually get married and have children. \u00a0She will never meet the right person if she doesn\u2019t take a chance.&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/05\/are-you-commitment-phobic.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-05-23T10:00:09+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2018-05-18T22:49:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2018\/05\/fear-2530719_1920-200x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Are You Commitment Phobic?","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/05\/are-you-commitment-phobic.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Are You Commitment Phobic?","og_description":"Kirstin was being pressed to say, \u2018Yes\u201d to a dating proposal. She didn\u2019t know why she struggled to make this basic commitment\u00a0to date a really nice man in her singles class at church. She wants to eventually get married and have children. \u00a0She will never meet the right person if she doesn\u2019t take a chance.&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/05\/are-you-commitment-phobic.html","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2018-05-23T10:00:09+00:00","article_modified_time":"2018-05-18T22:49:41+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2018\/05\/fear-2530719_1920-200x300.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/05\/are-you-commitment-phobic.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/05\/are-you-commitment-phobic.html","name":"Are You Commitment Phobic?","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/05\/are-you-commitment-phobic.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/05\/are-you-commitment-phobic.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2018\/05\/fear-2530719_1920-200x300.jpg","datePublished":"2018-05-23T10:00:09+00:00","dateModified":"2018-05-18T22:49:41+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/05\/are-you-commitment-phobic.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/05\/are-you-commitment-phobic.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/05\/are-you-commitment-phobic.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2018\/05\/fear-2530719_1920-200x300.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2018\/05\/fear-2530719_1920-200x300.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2018\/05\/are-you-commitment-phobic.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Are You Commitment Phobic?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice &amp; Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10176","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10176"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10176\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10180,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10176\/revisions\/10180"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10176"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10176"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10176"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}