{"id":462,"date":"2015-04-20T08:00:35","date_gmt":"2015-04-20T08:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/?p=462"},"modified":"2016-04-28T19:25:27","modified_gmt":"2016-04-28T19:25:27","slug":"10-things-not-to-say-to-someone-who-is-depressed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2015\/04\/10-things-not-to-say-to-someone-who-is-depressed.html","title":{"rendered":"10 Things Not To Say To Someone Who Is Depressed"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I used to wish I had a list of 10 things not to say to someone who is depressed stuffed in my pocket, ready to give to anyone who pushed my sensitivity buttons. Some people would say the stupidest thing, and I mean really stupid, and expect that you\u2019d be happy for the advice. I\u2019d shake my head. \u201cWhy would you say that to someone who\u2019s depressed and suicidal?!\u201d<\/p>\n

True, some people don\u2019t know how to talk to someone who\u2019s depressed. So here\u2019s my list of 10 things not to say to someone who is depressed.<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Snap Out Of It<\/strong> – Depression is a medical illness. It needs medication to bring the body back into balance. You can\u2019t just snap out of depression. It\u2019s like telling a cancer patient to snap out of cancer.<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Cheer Up<\/strong> – A depressed person can\u2019t cheer up because there\u2019s no thing or reason that can cheer you up. Saying cheer up will just make the person put on a fake smile or fake positivity for you.<\/li>\n
  3. It\u2019s All In Your Head<\/strong> – True, that\u2019s where the negative ideas are and where the chemical imbalance is located. But life experiences and personal situations have a big impact on depression. If those aren\u2019t also dealt with, depression can deepen.<\/li>\n
  4. It Could Be Worse<\/strong> – Things in a person\u2019s life could be worse, but depression is about how bad a person feels right now. It can feel like there\u2019s no past or future. You judge life by how crappy you feel in that moment.<\/li>\n
  5. It\u2019s Always About You<\/strong> – In a way it is. There\u2019s so much pain that the depressed person might not see past the pain to appreciate what others are doing to try to help. The depressed person isn\u2019t being selfish. It\u2019s just that the intense pain and sadness prevent being able to focus on anything else.<\/li>\n
  6. It\u2019s Your Fault<\/strong> – We like to judge and put blame on others. Tempting as it might be, saying it\u2019s your fault means you\u2019re judging the person based on partial facts or your bias. Sometimes there\u2019s no real reason for depression. It can be hereditary or environmental, things beyond the person\u2019s control. Making a depressed person feel like a failure won\u2019t help.<\/li>\n
  7. Get Over It<\/strong> – Depression isn\u2019t about self-pity, even if that\u2019s how it looks to you. It can take years to get to a point in life where depression is manageable. It\u2019s not a speed race. It\u2019s an endurance course.<\/li>\n
  8. Don\u2019t You Want To Feel Better?<\/strong> – Of course the person wants to feel better! But the question is how? Medications take a long time to kick in with their effectiveness. Therapy takes time. Energy is gone or low. Friends aren\u2019t visiting. Telling the person go to the gym, take yoga, or meditate is frustrating because if those things worked, then the person would have done it long ago.<\/li>\n
  9. I Know How You Feel<\/strong> – This will get the eye roll and close all communications. Yes, you\u2019re kind for being empathetic. But even if you\u2019re an identical twin, you don\u2019t know how the depressed person feels. There are minute differences in your brain chemistry and how you perceive the world. All you do with this comment is get the person angry.<\/li>\n
  10. Silence<\/strong> – Silence is as bad as saying something wrong. Silence means you don\u2019t care or are afraid to ask. At least that\u2019s what the depressed person will think. Don\u2019t be afraid to talk to the person. Remember, suicidal thoughts love silence.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    * Click here to find out more about Terezia Farkas<\/a>\u00a0and her Depression help and click here to follow Terezia on Twitter<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    I used to wish I had a list of 10 things not to say to someone who is depressed stuffed in my pocket, ready to give to anyone who pushed my sensitivity buttons. Some people would say the stupidest thing, and I mean really stupid, and expect that you\u2019d be happy for the advice. 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