{"id":3000,"date":"2018-08-15T19:19:43","date_gmt":"2018-08-15T19:19:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/?p=3000"},"modified":"2018-08-23T17:18:21","modified_gmt":"2018-08-23T17:18:21","slug":"what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2018\/08\/what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it.html","title":{"rendered":"What Can I Do To Help A Depressed Friend"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"depressed<\/a><\/p>\n

\n

I write my own articles about depression and how you can help someone who is depressed<\/a><\/span>. Occasionally though, I will share an article which hits the right notes with me. This is one of those moments. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAsk Amy\u201d is a Toronto Sun article (August 14, 2018<\/a>). I liked the question that a reader had about depression. <\/span><\/p>\n

What can I do to help a depressed friend? <\/i><\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

That\u2019s a question many people ask me. It\u2019s a question I try to answer. I strongly believe that keeping your personal space healthy and happy is as important as you helping your depressed friend. In other words, you need to keep yourself emotionally healthy and happy to effectively help someone who is depressed.<\/span><\/p>\n

So here’s Amy’s answer to that question.<\/p>\n

Ask Amy<\/h3>\n

Dear Amy:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I have a very close friend who is extremely depressed. She is negative about every aspect of her life: marriage, career and self-image. She posts negative memes on Facebook about how ugly she is, how depressed she is and how bad life is.<\/span><\/p>\n

She is on medication and is seeing a licensed therapist. She is also extremely overweight. None of this is helping. She has tried different meds and has seen different therapists.<\/span><\/p>\n

Every time I talk to her she is negative, depressed and complains constantly. I want to help her but I don\u2019t know what else I can offer her. We have been close for many years and she has always been depressed, but it\u2019s far worse now than ever.<\/span><\/p>\n

She has told me numerous times that I don\u2019t fully know what has happened in her past so I will never understand what she is going through, and then she proceeds to put herself down. Her marriage is falling apart and I know she has many issues going on with her career and her life, but is everything really that bad?<\/span><\/p>\n

What else can I offer besides a listening ear, without getting down myself?<\/span><\/p>\n

What advice can I give her when she is complaining?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Out of Answers<\/span><\/p>\n

Reply<\/span><\/h3>\n

I think that offering advice in this context is a nonstarter.<\/span><\/p>\n

When someone is clearly depressed and so obviously negative, the best thing you can do is to point the person toward therapy and treatment. And so you can respond: \u201cWhat does your therapist say about that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Your friend might respond that she doesn\u2019t disclose a lot of this to her therapist. Many people paradoxically don\u2019t actually disclose the very things that cause them the most pain to their therapists. She might say that she isn\u2019t currently taking her meds. Encourage her to seek and continue to seek treatment.<\/span><\/p>\n

I believe that posting negative or self-hating thoughts on social media can actually perpetuate a negative cycle, but many people reach out in this way to vent, and in turn receive supportive comments and affirmations, which they must find \u2014 otherwise they wouldn\u2019t do it. Try not to judge her harshly for doing this.<\/span><\/p>\n

A huge challenge for friends and family members in dealing with someone with depression is to be present and supportive, while not taking on the burdens of the depressed person.<\/span><\/p>\n

The concept of \u201cself-care\u201d is currently in vogue, but many of us don\u2019t really know how to exercise self-care in our own lives. In your case, it might mean learning to ritualize walking outdoors, reading poetry or listening to a favourite piece of music. If you aren\u2019t feeling strong, you can\u2019t be a supportive presence.<\/span><\/p>\n

Visit me on Twitter\u00a0 @tereziafarkas<\/strong><\/p>\n

Visit my website\u00a0http:\/\/www.tereziafarkas.com<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Heart<\/a><\/p>\n

BUY NOW<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I write my own articles about depression and how you can help someone who is depressed. Occasionally though, I will share an article which hits the right notes with me. This is one of those moments. \u201cAsk Amy\u201d is a Toronto Sun article (August 14, 2018). I liked the question that a reader had about…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":578,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,197,105],"tags":[5,4,12,169,253,6,121],"class_list":["post-3000","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-depression-help-2","category-healthy-relationships-with-terezia-farkas","category-personal-growth","tag-beliefnet","tag-depression-help","tag-emotional-health","tag-self-care","tag-self-love","tag-terezia-farkas","tag-wellness"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat Can I Do To Help A Depressed Friend - Depression Help<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What can I do to help a depressed friend without loosing it? keeping your personal space healthy and happy is as important as helping your depressed friend.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2018\/08\/what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What Can I Do To Help A Depressed Friend - Depression Help\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What can I do to help a depressed friend without loosing it? keeping your personal space healthy and happy is as important as helping your depressed friend.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2018\/08\/what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Depression Help\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"http:\/\/on.fb.me\/1zSE4WB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-08-15T19:19:43+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2018-08-23T17:18:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/files\/2018\/08\/depressed-friend-tell-300x169.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Terezia Farkas\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@tereziafarkas\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"What Can I Do To Help A Depressed Friend - Depression Help","description":"What can I do to help a depressed friend without loosing it? keeping your personal space healthy and happy is as important as helping your depressed friend.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2018\/08\/what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"What Can I Do To Help A Depressed Friend - Depression Help","og_description":"What can I do to help a depressed friend without loosing it? keeping your personal space healthy and happy is as important as helping your depressed friend.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2018\/08\/what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it.html","og_site_name":"Depression Help","article_author":"http:\/\/on.fb.me\/1zSE4WB","article_published_time":"2018-08-15T19:19:43+00:00","article_modified_time":"2018-08-23T17:18:21+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/files\/2018\/08\/depressed-friend-tell-300x169.jpg"}],"author":"Terezia Farkas","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@tereziafarkas","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2018\/08\/what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2018\/08\/what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it.html","name":"What Can I Do To Help A Depressed Friend - Depression Help","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2018\/08\/what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2018\/08\/what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/files\/2018\/08\/depressed-friend-tell-300x169.jpg","datePublished":"2018-08-15T19:19:43+00:00","dateModified":"2018-08-23T17:18:21+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/#\/schema\/person\/d6c2df0b7a25217ed4853f2aec0340c9"},"description":"What can I do to help a depressed friend without loosing it? keeping your personal space healthy and happy is as important as helping your depressed friend.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2018\/08\/what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2018\/08\/what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2018\/08\/what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/files\/2018\/08\/depressed-friend-tell-300x169.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/files\/2018\/08\/depressed-friend-tell-300x169.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2018\/08\/what-can-i-do-to-help-a-depressed-friend-without-loosing-it.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"What Can I Do To Help A Depressed Friend"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/","name":"Depression Help","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Terezia Farkas","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/#\/schema\/person\/d6c2df0b7a25217ed4853f2aec0340c9","name":"Terezia Farkas","description":"Terezia Farkas is an international bestselling author in depression and grief. Terezia is a reiki master, psychic medium, and certified channeller. Visit Terezia Farkas on Twitter @tereziafarkas Website: http:\/\/www.tereziafarkas.com Honours: Alberta Lt. Governor Circle on Mental Health and Addictions award. Bell Let's Talk Social Media Ambassador 2017. CAMH (Canadian Addictions and Mental Health) 150 Difference Makers nominee. 2014 Global Crisis of Depression Summit at Kings Place in London on November 25, 2014, which included speakers Kofi A Anan, the 7th former Secretary General of the UN.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.tereziafarkas.com","http:\/\/on.fb.me\/1zSE4WB","https:\/\/x.com\/tereziafarkas"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/author\/tfarkas"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3000","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/578"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3000"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3000\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3028,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3000\/revisions\/3028"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3000"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3000"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3000"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}