{"id":1314,"date":"2016-04-25T06:39:40","date_gmt":"2016-04-25T06:39:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/?p=1314"},"modified":"2016-04-24T21:43:48","modified_gmt":"2016-04-24T21:43:48","slug":"getting-a-man-to-talk-about-depression","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2016\/04\/getting-a-man-to-talk-about-depression.html","title":{"rendered":"Getting A Man To Talk About Depression"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/files\/2016\/04\/Breaking-Down-the-Shame-of-Male-Depression-RM-722x406.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1341 \" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/376\/2016\/04\/Breaking-Down-the-Shame-of-Male-Depression-RM-722x406-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"getting a man to talk about depression | Terezia Farkas | depression help | Beliefnet\" width=\"453\" height=\"255\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Getting a man to talk about depression is tricky. Guys are as emotional as women. Really, they are. Being human means emotions are the same for all genders. It&#8217;s social and cultural conditioning that separates the guys from the gals. \u00a0Manhood is image. It&#8217;s about swagger, toughness, and invulnerability. There&#8217;s a lot of time and effort dedicated to achieving a certain masculinity, a polished look of invincibility and male prowess. Depression is a chip in the polish, a character flaw, something that makes him broken goods.<\/p>\n<p><strong style=\"line-height: 1.5\">Getting a man to talk about depression<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Men suck at talking about depression. They&#8217;re even worse at asking for help. Suicide is the number one cause of death for men under 50. According to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.gq-magazine.co.uk\/article\/depression-symptoms-men?platform=hootsuite\">GQ<\/a>, only 25 per cent of men in the UK seek help for depression but the number of depressed men is about\u00a050 per cent. Suicide is sometimes seen as the only way out if the guy believes he&#8217;s failing to be a man in a bad situation.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Getting a man to talk.<\/strong>\u00a0A man needs a person he can really connect with, face-to-face. It&#8217;s about finding a person he can trust when it comes to talking openly and honestly about his pain. Instead of using the word depressed, it&#8217;s easier for him to talk about &#8220;being stressed&#8221; or being &#8220;overly tired.&#8221; Code words for depression. Talking about the stress or what&#8217;s making him tired can help him open up. Don&#8217;t rush it. He&#8217;s taking a big step by telling you how he feels. For some men, this is as far as asking for help goes. You can point out that you&#8217;ve noticed his behaviour has changed. Don&#8217;t be critical. Just mention it factually, like &#8220;You always seem to get stomach pains before work,&#8221; or &#8220;You haven&#8217;t gone to the gym for months.&#8221; You don&#8217;t need to ask if anything&#8217;s wrong.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Listen.<\/strong> Listening is a skill. You need to listen to and understand what he&#8217;s saying. Don&#8217;t add in your thoughts or insecurities to his message. Don&#8217;t assume he&#8217;s &#8220;really talking about something else&#8221; when he&#8217;s really talking about feeling listless. Men will complain more about <span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><a style=\"color: #0000ff\" href=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2016\/04\/recognizing-depression-in-men.html\">physical pain <\/a><\/span>than emotional anguish with depression. He may not even realize he&#8217;s depressed, just that his body aches and he doesn&#8217;t feel like doing anything. Everyone who is depressed lies. It&#8217;s not just a male thing. A smile doesn&#8217;t mean the guy is happy. Sounding energetic doesn&#8217;t mean he has energy. Listen carefully. There are undercurrents, signals that slip past and let you know he&#8217;s asking for help. If you&#8217;re not certain you&#8217;re reading them right, ask questions. Don&#8217;t be afraid.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Don&#8217;t go into fix it mode.<\/strong> Guys will mask depression with unhelpful or destructive behaviour and attitude. Guys turn to food, sex, drugs, alcohol or work because it makes them happy. They can become obsessed and addicted to the high that comes with that happiness.\u00a0Some guys turn to the gym and become fitness addicts.\u00a0Be understanding of the behaviour but know when to hold him accountable. Don&#8217;t try to fix his behaviour by telling him to see a counsellor. He&#8217;ll only withdraw, blaming you as the reason for his behaviour.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Don&#8217;t shame the guy.<\/strong>\u00a0Depression has lots of stigma. Even though there&#8217;s more talk about depression and what it is and means to be depressed, most people hear the word and they think &#8220;crazy&#8221;, or worse. A man doesn&#8217;t want his boss or co-workers to know he&#8217;s depressed. It takes away from his status, affects the work load he&#8217;s given, and makes him look like broken goods in front of the world. A man might not even want his friends to know he&#8217;s depressed. Don&#8217;t belittle what he&#8217;s told you or shame him for sharing his feelings. Don&#8217;t take away all of his responsibilities and make him feel useless. He&#8217;ll know how much he can or can&#8217;t do.\u00a0Offering to help him is okay.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Don&#8217;t ignore anything said about suicide.<\/strong>\u00a0Death, dying, ending it &#8211; these words might pop up in a conversation. You need to\u00a0acknowledge that you heard the words by repeating them to him. Ask if he has a plan for suicide, or what he&#8217;d consider doing\u00a0to kill himself. Men tend to choose lethal and quick methods for suicide. If the man is working in an environment with access to highly lethal means, he&#8217;ll choose that as a way to end his life. Assess if he&#8217;s at immediate risk. If he&#8217;s not, make sure\u00a0there&#8217;s a commitment by him to check in with you. But don&#8217;t just leave it at that. Call the <em>National Suicide Prevention Hotline<\/em> at 1-800-273-8255.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Depression is one of those illnesses that doesn&#8217;t discriminate. Like cancer, it can get anyone. Depression&#8217;s brutality, victimization and abuse hit men and women equally hard. But guys have this image of what a man should be like, and how he should behave and feel. To get a man to talk about depression means you have to wait for him to open up about it.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Twitter:<\/strong> \u00a0@tereziafarkas \u00a0#MensHealth \u00a0#selfcare \u00a0#suicideprevention<\/p>\n<p>* Click <a href=\"http:\/\/www.depressionhelpfree.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">here to find out more about Terezia Farkas<\/a>\u00a0and Depression help<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re struggling reach out. Here\u2019s a few good places.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><a class=\"vglnk\" href=\"http:\/\/www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><a class=\"vglnk\" href=\"http:\/\/www.activeminds.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">www.activeminds.org<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><a class=\"vglnk\" href=\"http:\/\/www.thetrevorproject.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">www.thetrevorproject.org<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Getting a man to talk about depression is tricky. Guys are as emotional as women. Really, they are. Being human means emotions are the same for all genders. It&#8217;s social and cultural conditioning that separates the guys from the gals. \u00a0Manhood is image. It&#8217;s about swagger, toughness, and invulnerability. There&#8217;s a lot of time and&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":578,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,170],"tags":[5,4,171,40,175,6],"class_list":["post-1314","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-depression-help-2","category-male-depression","tag-beliefnet","tag-depression-help","tag-male-depression","tag-stigma","tag-suicide-prevention","tag-terezia-farkas"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Getting A Man To Talk About Depression - Depression Help<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Getting a man to talk about depression is tricky. Men suck at talking about depression. They&#039;re even worse at asking for help.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Getting A Man To Talk About Depression - Depression Help\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Getting a man to talk about depression is tricky. Men suck at talking about depression. They&#039;re even worse at asking for help.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2016\/04\/getting-a-man-to-talk-about-depression.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Depression Help\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"http:\/\/on.fb.me\/1zSE4WB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-04-25T06:39:40+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2016-04-24T21:43:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/files\/2016\/04\/Breaking-Down-the-Shame-of-Male-Depression-RM-722x406-300x169.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Terezia Farkas\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@tereziafarkas\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Getting A Man To Talk About Depression - Depression Help","description":"Getting a man to talk about depression is tricky. Men suck at talking about depression. They're even worse at asking for help.","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Getting A Man To Talk About Depression - Depression Help","og_description":"Getting a man to talk about depression is tricky. Men suck at talking about depression. They're even worse at asking for help.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2016\/04\/getting-a-man-to-talk-about-depression.html","og_site_name":"Depression Help","article_author":"http:\/\/on.fb.me\/1zSE4WB","article_published_time":"2016-04-25T06:39:40+00:00","article_modified_time":"2016-04-24T21:43:48+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/files\/2016\/04\/Breaking-Down-the-Shame-of-Male-Depression-RM-722x406-300x169.jpg"}],"author":"Terezia Farkas","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@tereziafarkas","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2016\/04\/getting-a-man-to-talk-about-depression.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2016\/04\/getting-a-man-to-talk-about-depression.html","name":"Getting A Man To Talk About Depression - Depression Help","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2016\/04\/getting-a-man-to-talk-about-depression.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2016\/04\/getting-a-man-to-talk-about-depression.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/files\/2016\/04\/Breaking-Down-the-Shame-of-Male-Depression-RM-722x406-300x169.jpg","datePublished":"2016-04-25T06:39:40+00:00","dateModified":"2016-04-24T21:43:48+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/#\/schema\/person\/d6c2df0b7a25217ed4853f2aec0340c9"},"description":"Getting a man to talk about depression is tricky. Men suck at talking about depression. They're even worse at asking for help.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2016\/04\/getting-a-man-to-talk-about-depression.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2016\/04\/getting-a-man-to-talk-about-depression.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2016\/04\/getting-a-man-to-talk-about-depression.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/files\/2016\/04\/Breaking-Down-the-Shame-of-Male-Depression-RM-722x406-300x169.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/files\/2016\/04\/Breaking-Down-the-Shame-of-Male-Depression-RM-722x406-300x169.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2016\/04\/getting-a-man-to-talk-about-depression.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Getting A Man To Talk About Depression"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/","name":"Depression Help","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Terezia Farkas","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/#\/schema\/person\/d6c2df0b7a25217ed4853f2aec0340c9","name":"Terezia Farkas","description":"Terezia Farkas is an international bestselling author in depression and grief. Terezia is a reiki master, psychic medium, and certified channeller. Visit Terezia Farkas on Twitter @tereziafarkas Website: http:\/\/www.tereziafarkas.com Honours: Alberta Lt. Governor Circle on Mental Health and Addictions award. Bell Let's Talk Social Media Ambassador 2017. CAMH (Canadian Addictions and Mental Health) 150 Difference Makers nominee. 2014 Global Crisis of Depression Summit at Kings Place in London on November 25, 2014, which included speakers Kofi A Anan, the 7th former Secretary General of the UN.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.tereziafarkas.com","http:\/\/on.fb.me\/1zSE4WB","https:\/\/x.com\/tereziafarkas"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/author\/tfarkas"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1314","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/578"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1314"}],"version-history":[{"count":26,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1314\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1342,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1314\/revisions\/1342"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1314"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1314"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1314"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}