{"id":1127,"date":"2016-01-26T20:40:39","date_gmt":"2016-01-26T20:40:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/?p=1127"},"modified":"2018-07-04T02:21:09","modified_gmt":"2018-07-04T02:21:09","slug":"dear-future-boyfriend-im-bipolar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/depressionhelp\/2016\/01\/dear-future-boyfriend-im-bipolar.html","title":{"rendered":"Dear Future Boyfriend, I’m Bipolar"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"carrie<\/a><\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

People with bipolar disorder can have relationships. It’s scary and tough telling the guy or gal on the first date that you have bipolar disorder. I have friends who are bipolar and married. They always tell me they are grateful for their partner’s love and patience.<\/h3>\n

This letter by Shelby Manoukian<\/a>,\u00a0originally posted in\u00a0TheMighty<\/a>,\u00a0perfectly sums up how it feels to like someone, then\u00a0wonder if you should tell the person you have bipolar disorder.<\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear future boyfriend,<\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s only so many times I can sneakily take pills in front of you without you noticing. At brunch when our friends are taking selfies, or at dinner when you\u2019ve gotten up to go to the bathroom.<\/p>\n

Or what about when someone asks me to take a shot of vodka with them? I don\u2019t want to say, \u201cNo, because my antidepressants mixed with booze will make me black out.\u201d<\/p>\n

Or when you spend the night with me for the first time, and I desperately try to hide all of my medications under my bed in hopes you don\u2019t see them.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know how to tell you that I was diagnosed with bipolar II<\/a>, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder<\/a> at 23. I was away at school, and never felt more alone than I did in that moment sitting in my car out side of the psychiatrist office, looking down at a looming list of prescriptions with funny names, to treat an illness I had only ever heard bad things about.<\/p>\n

A million questions \u2014 like, when do you tell a significant other about it?<\/em>\u00a0Do my friends find me exhausting? Are my parents embarrassed? Are people afraid of me? Will anyone ever accept me for what I am?<\/em> \u2014 have paraded endlessly through my mind since. All I\u2019ve craved is acceptance. But how could I ask for acceptance when I\u2019m so afraid to admit I have mental illness? So I\u2019ve lied to my bosses about doctor appointments, lied to my friends when I lose weight, faked illnesses like the flu when I\u2019m actually so depressed I can\u2019t even get out of bed.<\/p>\n

By nature I\u2019m energetic and outgoing, but I can rarely keep this facade going for longer than a week before I get pulled down by my illness. Sometimes I just want to be alone, and other times I need so much encouragement and reassurance from my friends as I fall apart. In the same week, I can love my life with my whole heart, and then wish it was over.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s pretend\u00a0you meet me in a local restaurant, and you ask me out. What am I supposed to do? Say, \u201cJust so you know, I have bipolar type II \u2014 can you pass the butter?\u201d as we sit down for our first date? Is there really ever an ideal way to drop news like that? My illness does not define who I am, but it does matter to some people.<\/p>\n

But this is me, take it or leave it. If you do decide to continue this relationship with me, I have a couple requests:<\/p>\n

1.<\/strong> If I\u2019m having a really rough week at work, know what brightens my mood. Buy my sunflowers and take me for a hike. Since I can\u2019t really go out and drink the working gal blues away, I need you to be my drink.<\/p>\n

2.<\/strong> If I\u2019m having trouble getting out of bed, understand this is my depression. Don\u2019t let me isolate \u2014 make me breakfast and eat it in bed with me.<\/p>\n

3.<\/strong> If I wake you up in the middle of the night from tossing and turning and crying out because of nightmares, don\u2019t tell me to wake up and stop. Just hold me a little bit tighter.<\/p>\n

4.<\/strong> If I\u2019m grumpy or saying hurtful things to you for no apparent reason, tell me I\u2019m being hurtful and let me apologize.<\/p>\n

5.<\/strong> If I\u2019m losing too much weight, tell me I look beautiful no matter what size I am.<\/p>\n

6.<\/strong> When I question my existence in this life, show me how life would be if I wasn\u2019t here. Tell me I should stay.<\/p>\n

7.<\/strong> Cheer for the little victories. Make a big deal out of them.<\/p>\n

8.<\/strong> Never give up on me.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t understand mental illness, just know it\u2019s not our fault. I\u2019ve tirelessly fought through my recovery, and I\u2019ve done it alone because even though it\u2019s so hard, I know I\u2019m worth it. Being rejected because of a chemical imbalance is quite possibly the most humiliating experience. Dealing with nightmares, night sweats, reactions to medication, numerous doctors, therapists, while maintaining a full-time job, is actually pretty damn hard, and we are doing the best we can.<\/p>\n

Just know that rooting for me, supporting me when I\u2019m broken and loving me when I\u2019m unlovable is the best gift I could ever receive.<\/p>\n

Sincerely,<\/p>\n

Shelby<\/p>\n

P.S. To the people with mental illness: You are not alone. I know how scary it is to sit in the psychiatric unit alone, wondering what someone you knew would think if they saw you there. But you don\u2019t have to go through this journey alone. We are stronger together.<\/p>\n

If you or someone you know needs help,\u00a0please visit the\u00a0National Suicide Prevention Lifeline<\/a>. You can also reach the\u00a0Crisis Text Line\u00a0<\/a>by texting \u201cSTART\u201d to 741-741.\u00a0Head here<\/a>\u00a0for a list of crisis centres around the world.<\/em><\/p>\n

Twitter: \u00a0@tereziafarkas \u00a0#bipolardisorder \u00a0#bipolardepression \u00a0#depression<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  People with bipolar disorder can have relationships. It’s scary and tough telling the guy or gal on the first date that you have bipolar disorder. I have friends who are bipolar and married. They always tell me they are grateful for their partner’s love and patience. 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