{"id":324,"date":"2009-08-20T08:03:00","date_gmt":"2009-08-20T08:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/deaconsbench\/2009\/08\/contemplatingwhat.html"},"modified":"2009-08-20T08:03:00","modified_gmt":"2009-08-20T08:03:00","slug":"contemplatingwhat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2009\/08\/contemplatingwhat.html","title":{"rendered":"Contemplating…what?"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s summer and more of us are letting our minds wander. <\/p>\n

Over at The Anchoress<\/a>, her mind is meandering through the hills of valleys of interior contemplation, and she stumbled upon this beautiful reflection, from a lady pursuing a religious vocation: <\/p>\n

I come to the door of the house, carrying my jar of ointment, still wondering what possessed me to come. As I bribe the doorkeeper \u2014 who knows me \u2014 to let me in, I wonder what He will do when I touch His feet. If He should kick at me, it is only what I deserve, but if He does before I can anoint Him, what then? What then? No answer comes. And now I am already inside, burning under the hostile gaze of everyone in the room. Oh, God, it is a regular dinner party! They all know, they all accuse, they all wonder how I gained entrance. Even the maidservants stare.<\/p>\n

But there He is, and he is not looking at me. He is attentive to a conversation which He has just begun with someone on the opposite side of the table \u2014 almost as though He is deliberately distracting attention from me \u2014 and others are joining in now, too. The oppressive, silent accusation is lifted, and I make my way to Him. As I remove His sandals, he doesn\u2019t flinch, and I begin to weep. He is letting me touch Him! He is letting me touch Him without fuss or ceremony; I didn\u2019t even have to ask! As my tears fall on His ankle accidentally, I realize how dirty these feet are. Whatever water I can, I use; my tears shall cleanse Him even as they cleanse my heart from so much worry, so much shame. All my memories of sin, I pour out of my eyes; all my wishes to begin again as a new woman, become tears to wash away the dust on these precious feet. But what shall I use to dry them? Even my clothes are tainted by my past life \u2014 I cannot dirty these feet anew by using defiled veil or dress. But my hair is mine, God-given from before I fell away from him. Pulling back my veil, I loosen its combs and let its coils tumble down. Gently, I dry away my tears and try to calm the tremors in my stomach and hands. How can He be allowing this? He still has not even looked at me!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Read on. It’s a beautiful piece of prayer. <\/p>\n

But at the other end of the spectrum, we have this<\/a>, from the New York Times, where author Robert Wright goes on a Buddhist retreat and delves into meditation of…I don’t know what: <\/p>\n

By the time I left, eating the food I\u2019d initially disdained ranked up there with above-average sex. I\u2019m not exaggerating by much. When I first got there, I didn\u2019t understand why some people were closing their eyes while eating. By the end of the retreat, I was closing mine. The better to focus on the source of my ecstasy. I wasn\u2019t just living in the moment \u2014 I was luxuriating in it.<\/p>\n

Also, my view of weeds changed. There\u2019s a kind of weed that I had spent years killing, sometimes manually, sometimes with chemicals. On a walk one day I looked down at one of those weeds and it looked as beautiful as any other plant. Why, I wondered, had I bought into the \u201cweed\u201d label? Why had I so harshly judged an innocent plant?<\/p>\n

If this sounds crazy to you, you should hear how crazy it sounds to me. I\u2019m not the weed-hugging type, I assure you.<\/p>\n

And as long as we\u2019re on the subject of crazy, there was my moment of bonding with a lizard. I looked at this lizard and watched it react to local stimuli and thought: I\u2019m in the same boat as that lizard \u2014 born without asking to be born, trying to make sense of things, and far from getting the whole picture.<\/p>\n

I mean, sure, I know more than the lizard \u2014 like the fact that I exist and the fact that I evolved by natural selection. But my knowledge is, like the lizard\u2019s, hemmed in by the fact that my brain is a product of evolution, designed to perform mundane tasks, to react to local stimuli, not to understand the true nature of things. And \u2014 here\u2019s the crazy part \u2014 I kind of loved that lizard. A little bit, for a little while.<\/p>\n

Whether I had made major moral progress by learning to empathize with a lizard, let alone a weed, is open to debate. The more important part of my expanding circle of affinity involved people \u2014 specifically, my fellow meditators.<\/p>\n

At the beginning of the retreat, looking around the meditation hall, I had sized people up, making lots of little judgments, sometimes negative, on the basis of no good evidence. (Re: guy wearing Juilliard t-shirt and exhibiting mild symptoms of theatricality: Well, aren\u2019t we special?) By the end of the retreat I was less inclined toward judgment, especially the harsh kind. And days after the retreat, while riding the monorail to the Newark airport I found myself doing something I never do \u2014 striking up a conversation with strangers. Nice strangers! <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Different strokes? Maybe. But it shows two approaches to essentially the same sort of activity, with strikingly different results.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s summer and more of us are letting our minds wander. Over at The Anchoress, her mind is meandering through the hills of valleys of interior contemplation, and she stumbled upon this beautiful reflection, from a lady pursuing a religious vocation: I come to the door of the house, carrying my jar of ointment, still…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":365,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-324","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-links-r-us","category-prayer"],"yoast_head":"\nContemplating...what? - The Deacon's Bench<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2009\/08\/contemplatingwhat.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Contemplating...what? - The Deacon's Bench\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It’s summer and more of us are letting our minds wander. 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