{"id":2673,"date":"2008-10-22T07:59:00","date_gmt":"2008-10-22T07:59:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html"},"modified":"2008-10-22T07:59:00","modified_gmt":"2008-10-22T07:59:00","slug":"how-the-other-half-dies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html","title":{"rendered":"How the other half dies"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>At a time of skyrocketing health costs and difficult end-of-life decisions, some lucky souls are living it up right up until the end.  <\/p>\n<p>This odd slice-of-death story comes from the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2008\/10\/22\/nyregion\/22carlyle.html?_r=1&amp;hp=&amp;oref=slogin&amp;pagewanted=print\">New York Times<\/a>: <\/p>\n<blockquote><p> <a href=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/_0DySLTT4PWo\/SP8VwQYoV0I\/AAAAAAAADMA\/-4SQpGORfcI\/s1600-h\/22carlyle.650.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" style=\"float:left;margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer;cursor:hand\" src=\"https:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/_0DySLTT4PWo\/SP8VwQYoV0I\/AAAAAAAADMA\/-4SQpGORfcI\/s320\/22carlyle.650.jpg\" border=\"0\" \/><\/a>Marie-Dennett McDill loved the Carlyle Hotel.<\/p>\n<p>Mrs. McDill, who grew up in society and had an active life in Vermont, learned she had cancer in August and spent her last weeks at the Carlyle, at 76th and Madison.<\/p>\n<p>She stayed there whenever she was in New York, and adored the regular entertainers like Bobby Short and Eartha Kitt at the Caf\u00e9 Carlyle, and the pianist Loston Harris in the lively Bemelmans Bar. She loved the uniformed elevator men and bellmen and the family of longtime staff. She loved that Central Park was only a short block away.<\/p>\n<p>So when Mrs. McDill, who grew up in society in Washington and was enjoying an outdoors life in South Woodstock, Vt., learned she had terminal cancer this summer, her family immediately booked her a suite on the eighth floor for an open-ended stay, but one they sadly knew would not be open-ended enough.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe family came to me and said, \u2018We want to check her in till the very end,\u2019 \u201d said Alexandra E. Tscherne, director of residences at the Carlyle. \u201cIt was a unique request, one I\u2019ve never had previously. They wanted her set up in one of her favorite places, and they didn\u2019t know how long it would last.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It lasted 10 weeks. Mrs. McDill died in her sleep in the Carlyle last Wednesday.<\/p>\n<p>Mrs. McDill was youthful and full of energy at 71 and spent her days outdoors gardening and painting, so it was shocking to her three children when she learned at the beginning of August that she had a fast-spreading cancer.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt wasn\u2019t a fight for life anymore, but a matter of time,\u201d said her son Thomas Gardner.<\/p>\n<p>The family hired 24-hour hospice care, but Mrs. McDill, at least until the very end, was in sufficient mental and physical shape to enjoy her final stay at the Carlyle. The hotel, at Madison Avenue and 76th Street, is one of New York\u2019s most luxurious, with a long list of celebrities, presidents and royalty who have stayed or lived there.<\/p>\n<p>Even as she was dying, she would take walks in Central Park in the daytime, and in the evening sit in a back booth in Bemelmans Bar, looking at the whimsical illustrations of New York City on the wall by the artist Ludwig Bemelmans, best known for the Madeline children\u2019s books, and listening to Mr. Harris play. She loved Cole Porter, and she would pass requests to the waiter.<\/p>\n<p>The family hired Mr. Harris to play Mrs. McDill\u2019s favorite songs at her memorial service at St. Bartholomew\u2019s Church on Park Avenue on Saturday. It was a sophisticated, poignant and kick-up-your-heels affair, almost like something out of a Cole Porter song. Mr. Harris played \u201cJust One of Those Things\u201d and \u201cI\u2019ve Got You Under My Skin.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Month-to-month suites at the Carlyle are always expensive, but less so during the summer months, when they cost about $17,000 a month.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt wasn\u2019t a search for extravagance, but a search for comfort. It wasn\u2019t the inexpensive option, but it was the greatest comfort we could afford, so of course we would do that for her,\u201d said Mr. Gardner, chief executive of the Motley Fool, a financial information company he founded with his brother, David Gardner.<\/p>\n<p>Staffers helped her with chores related to her impending death, said Ms. Tscherne, who agreed to sign as a witness to Mrs. McDill\u2019s will and even ran across the street to get a notary public.<\/p>\n<p>The family hired two attendants from Brooklyn to care for Mrs. McDill: Rose Marie Moore and her sister Shirley Innis. In the evenings, Ms. Moore would sing spirituals for Mrs. McDill.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe would put her head back and close her eyes and ask me to sing \u2018Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.\u2019 She\u2019d say, \u2018Give me the long version, Rose,\u2019 \u201d said Ms. Moore, who took the subway from East New York to stay in the Carlyle with Mrs. McDill.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt was like low class to high class, going in there,\u201d she said. \u201cI would call her my queen, my majesty, and she called me her princess, and treated me like one.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p> There&#8217;s more at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2008\/10\/22\/nyregion\/22carlyle.html?_r=1&amp;hp=&amp;oref=slogin&amp;pagewanted=print\">the link<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>At a time of skyrocketing health costs and difficult end-of-life decisions, some lucky souls are living it up right up until the end. This odd slice-of-death story comes from the New York Times: Marie-Dennett McDill loved the Carlyle Hotel. Mrs. McDill, who grew up in society and had an active life in Vermont, learned she&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":204,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19,20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2673","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-links-r-us","category-this-and-that"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How the other half dies - The Deacon&#039;s Bench<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How the other half dies - The Deacon&#039;s Bench\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"At a time of skyrocketing health costs and difficult end-of-life decisions, some lucky souls are living it up right up until the end. 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Mrs. McDill, who grew up in society and had an active life in Vermont, learned she&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Deacon&#039;s Bench\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2008-10-22T07:59:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/_0DySLTT4PWo\/SP8VwQYoV0I\/AAAAAAAADMA\/-4SQpGORfcI\/s320\/22carlyle.650.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Deacon Greg Kandra\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How the other half dies - The Deacon&#039;s Bench","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"How the other half dies - The Deacon&#039;s Bench","og_description":"At a time of skyrocketing health costs and difficult end-of-life decisions, some lucky souls are living it up right up until the end. This odd slice-of-death story comes from the New York Times: Marie-Dennett McDill loved the Carlyle Hotel. Mrs. McDill, who grew up in society and had an active life in Vermont, learned she&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html","og_site_name":"The Deacon&#039;s Bench","article_published_time":"2008-10-22T07:59:00+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/_0DySLTT4PWo\/SP8VwQYoV0I\/AAAAAAAADMA\/-4SQpGORfcI\/s320\/22carlyle.650.jpg"}],"author":"Deacon Greg Kandra","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html","name":"How the other half dies - The Deacon&#039;s Bench","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/_0DySLTT4PWo\/SP8VwQYoV0I\/AAAAAAAADMA\/-4SQpGORfcI\/s320\/22carlyle.650.jpg","datePublished":"2008-10-22T07:59:00+00:00","dateModified":"2008-10-22T07:59:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/#\/schema\/person\/5a7b3c6e9d155e382842aa310ff9b1ee"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/_0DySLTT4PWo\/SP8VwQYoV0I\/AAAAAAAADMA\/-4SQpGORfcI\/s320\/22carlyle.650.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/_0DySLTT4PWo\/SP8VwQYoV0I\/AAAAAAAADMA\/-4SQpGORfcI\/s320\/22carlyle.650.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2008\/10\/how-the-other-half-dies.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"How the other half dies"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/","name":"The Deacon&#039;s Bench","description":"Where a Roman Catholic Deacon Ponders the World","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/#\/schema\/person\/5a7b3c6e9d155e382842aa310ff9b1ee","name":"Deacon Greg Kandra","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/114\/1144d939be636f641ea021e1d347f9fdx96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/114\/1144d939be636f641ea021e1d347f9fdx96.jpg","caption":"Deacon Greg Kandra"},"description":"A Roman Catholic deacon serving the Diocese of Brooklyn, New York, Greg Kandra is News Director for the diocese's cable channel, NET (New Evangelization Television.) Prior to that, Deacon Greg worked for 26 years as a writer and producer for CBS News, where he contributed to \"The CBS Evening News with Katie Couric,\" \"60 Minutes II,\" \"48 Hours,\" (Emmy Award, Writers Guild of America Award) and \"Sunday Morning.\" He was co-writer for the acclaimed documentary \"9\/11,\" hosted by Robert DeNiro. (Emmy Award, Christopher Award, Peabody Award, Writers Guild of America Award.) His radio essays were featured in the bestselling book \"Deadlines and Datelines\" by Dan Rather. He's also a two-time winner of the Catholic Press Association Award. Other places you may find him: AMERICA, U.S. CATHOLIC, CATHOLIC DIGEST, REALITY (Redemptorist Communications) and THE BROOKLYN TABLET. He also contributes homiletic reflections to the parish resource CONNECT!, published by Liturgical Publications. In November 2009, he began serving a three-year term as a consultant to the Communications Committee of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB). Deacon Greg grew up in Maryland (Go Terps!) but he and his wife today live in the beautiful borough of Queens, New York. You can contact Deacon Greg at dcngreg@gmail.com.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/author\/gkandra"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2673","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/204"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2673"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2673\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2673"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2673"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2673"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}