{"id":2037,"date":"2007-11-04T21:12:00","date_gmt":"2007-11-04T21:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/deaconsbench\/2007\/11\/the-colbert-retort-be-kind.html"},"modified":"2007-11-04T21:12:00","modified_gmt":"2007-11-04T21:12:00","slug":"the-colbert-retort-be-kind","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2007\/11\/the-colbert-retort-be-kind.html","title":{"rendered":"The Colbert Retort? “Be kind.”"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>This is irresistible, courtesy Diane over at The Word: Catholic Colbert<\/a>. <\/p>\n

It’s a little tidbit from a taping of The Colbert Report, from a blogger who was there and described this story that My Close Personal Friend Stephen Colbert<\/a> told before the show. <\/p>\n

He was asked about his short-lived run for the White House and someone wanted to know what his first executive order would be. Stephen replied: “Be kind to each other.” And here, he explains. <\/p>\n

(Backstory: as many of you may know, MCPFSC teaches CCD at his parish in New Jersey.)<\/p>\n

Anyway, the story continues, below: <\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t teach Sunday school last year, because he was too busy with the show; but he substituted, and he was subbing on the last day before summer vacation \u2014 when the kids didn\u2019t really want to learn anything. And Pope Benedict had just been elected, so they decided to hold a mini papal election.<\/p>\n

He and his daughter made a paper-mach\u00e9 miter, with a glitter cross, and then he \u201cvery seriously\u201d locked the door, put the key in his pocket, and told the kids, \u201cOkay, nobody leaves here until we elect a Pope.\u201d<\/p>\n

They started by making a list of qualities that you should have to be a Pope: \u2018knows the Bible\u2019, \u2018good person\u2019, etcetera. \u201cAnd nobody said \u2018must be a man\u2019, which made me happy.\u201d Then it came time to vote, but one kid said \u201cHey, I\u2019m gonna vote for me,\u201d and another said, \u201cI\u2019m gonna vote for me!\u201d, and it looked like trouble.<\/p>\n

(Stephen digressed at this point to speculate that all the cardinals probably do this on the first round. \u201cHey, might as well, who knows, there could be a groundswell\u2026\u201d)<\/p>\n

Daughter to the rescue: \u201cDad, make everyone vote twice.\u201d That way they would all vote for themselves and someone else. The winner was a kid named Gregory (and his daughter had predicted \u201cIt\u2019s gonna be Gregory, because he always knows all the answers in class.\u201d Stephen\u2019s daughter sounds like such a cool kid).<\/p>\n

So they brought Gregory up to the front, put the miter on his head and the cloth over his shoulder, and said, \u201cNow that you\u2019re the Pope, you need to pick a name; what name are you going to have?\u201d<\/p>\n

And the kid goes, \u201cUrban III.\u201d (\u201dHe really knows his stuff!\u201d)<\/p>\n

What will be his first papal injunction? Gregory holds up his hands (here Stephen holds up his own for a moment, to demonstrate, and then brings the mic back to his mouth), and says, \u201cBe kind to each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

At which Stephen went, \u201cAll right, that\u2019s it, we\u2019re done, everybody go home!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

There it is: Deus Caritas Est<\/i> for grade-schoolers. B-16 would be impressed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is irresistible, courtesy Diane over at The Word: Catholic Colbert. It’s a little tidbit from a taping of The Colbert Report, from a blogger who was there and described this story that My Close Personal Friend Stephen Colbert told before the show. He was asked about his short-lived run for the White House and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":365,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2037","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stephen-colbert"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Colbert Retort? "Be kind." - The Deacon's Bench<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/deaconsbench\/2007\/11\/the-colbert-retort-be-kind.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Colbert Retort? "Be kind." - The Deacon's Bench\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This is irresistible, courtesy Diane over at The Word: Catholic Colbert. It’s a little tidbit from a taping of The Colbert Report, from a blogger who was there and described this story that My Close Personal Friend Stephen Colbert told before the show. 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