{"id":310,"date":"2011-08-12T09:33:54","date_gmt":"2011-08-12T13:33:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/dadequate\/?p=310"},"modified":"2011-08-12T11:19:33","modified_gmt":"2011-08-12T15:19:33","slug":"meet-a-dad-tor-constantino","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/dadequate\/2011\/08\/meet-a-dad-tor-constantino.html","title":{"rendered":"Meet a Dad: Tor Constantino"},"content":{"rendered":"

The goal of Meet a Dad<\/em>:<\/strong> Profile a dad and let him share his fatherly wisdom with us. Some of these dads will be well-known in certain circles; others will be largely unknown outside of their immediate circles. Doesn’t matter, because I think just about every father has as much (or more) to share than I do.<\/p>\n

Today’s dad is Tor Constantino<\/a>, a devoted reader of this blog, runner of marathons, and all-around nice guy.<\/p>\n

————<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Tell us who you are and what you do…<\/strong><\/p>\n

For the past 20+ years I\u2019ve worked as a former journalist and current public relations director for a biotech company outside of Washington, DC.\u00a0 I\u2019ve finished five full marathons as well as my first non-fiction book that\u2019ll be available in November. I say all that to tee up the fact that being a dad is the toughest and most important job I\u2019ve ever had<\/em>.<\/p>\n

My wife and I have been married for 16 years and have two girls who are growing WAY too quickly \u2014 the oldest will be ten this fall and the younger just turned seven.\u00a0 Those are great ages to be a dad!<\/p>\n

What is one thing you do that qualifies you for being an above-average dad?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I guess the only thing that comes close is that I try hard to actively engage with my girls. So, if they want to play Barbies I make time for that (I have a sweet, vintage 12\u201d G.I. Joe with eagle-eye action and Kung-Fu grip that I break out) or if they want to play board games or Frisbee, we\u2019ll do it. But I also look for opportunities to engage them in things we can do as a family. We just found a Karate dojo which offers lessons that families can take together. We\u2019ve been attending twice a week for several months and while that doesn\u2019t make me an above-average dad, it does enable me to rock white high-water pajamas cinched with a belt in broad daylight!<\/p>\n

What is one thing you do that results in eye rolls and\/or exasperation from your kids?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Probably when I tell them how beautiful they are on the outside AND on the inside. My wife and I want them to grow up being comfortable in their own skin \u2013 not needing external validation from some random guy. So we strive to normalize them to the idea that being pretty is fine, but true beauty that endures comes from the inside out and is enhanced by our faith in God. There\u2019s simply no amount of makeup or plastic surgery that can transform a girl into a Proverbs 31<\/a> woman.<\/p>\n

What is the most challenging aspect of fatherhood for you?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The toughest thing for me is \u201cfalse attribution error.\u201d In other words, I\u2019ll see someone engage in a behavior and arbitrarily assign them motives that aren\u2019t necessarily there. Regarding my girls, we may be running late for church and the youngest decides she has to make an emergency bathroom break that can\u2019t wait until we get to the church which is three blocks away.<\/p>\n

In that situation I\u2019m tempted to think that she\u2019s doing it to be funny, spiteful, or rebellious because she may not want to attend church that day. I may then concoct some fictitious intent, completely excluding the fact that she may simply have too much fluid in her bladder.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the biggest challenge for me, because once I\u2019ve ginned up a motive it\u2019s easy for me to overreact or get angry over inconsequential stuff. It\u2019s an internal battle that I continue to fight, but with God\u2019s help it\u2019s gotten much better since the girls have been born \u2013 compared to when my wife and I were first married.<\/p>\n

What is your absolute favorite thing to do with your kid?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019d have to say general indoor \u201crough housing\u201d or \u201c horseplay\u201d \u2013 the type of stuff I used to get banished outside for as a kid. We\u2019ve got a fairly large, finished basement where the girls and I will go for pillow fights, dodge ball, monkey-in-the-middle\u2026what have you. The great equalizer is that I have to play all those games on my 42-year-old-knees. Thank God for pile carpet and deep foam padding beneath.<\/p>\n

What’s the best advice you ever received about fatherhood?<\/strong><\/p>\n

While my wife was pregnant with our first, we found out we were having a girl so I bought a book by Dr. Kevin Leman titled What a Difference a Daddy Makes<\/em><\/a>. There were so many excellent insights in that book, but the one that still lingers is that a child\u2019s relationship with the opposite gender parent is the single most important relationship for their life. It creates a filter by which they\u2019ll view every other opposite gender encounter. That forces me to be loving, fun, present, authentic, vulnerable yet strong, responsible, disciplined and consistent.<\/p>\n

If another father asked you for one piece of advice about being a dad, what would you tell him?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Be sure to administer tons of love for no reason, but be willing to apply consistent discipline for warranted reasons. I was raised in a home that had lots of love and discipline. That combination tends to produce the best results in kids. High love\/low discipline produces self-centered neurotics; high discipline\/low love tends to produce uncaring automatons while low love\/low discipline results in scads of antisocial behavior. High love\/high discipline wins. I also think it\u2019s important to be a \u201clifelong learner,\u201d seeking out new information. If you don’t mind me saying so, www.dadequate.com<\/a> is a great source for new and veteran dads.<\/p>\n

Please indicate any blog or social media links if readers would like to connect with you online.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I tweet @torcon<\/a> and have a blog that is updated regularly at torconbooks.com<\/a> where I\u2019ll share insights about faith and family \u2013 occasionally it\u2019s even funny.<\/p>\n

————<\/p>\n

Previous dads:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Kristian Mattila<\/a><\/p>\n

Bryan Allain<\/a><\/p>\n

Rob Stennett<\/a><\/p>\n

Scott McClellan<\/a><\/p>\n

Ken Grant<\/a><\/p>\n

Rob Tucker<\/a><\/p>\n

Trace Bundy<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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