{"id":746,"date":"2016-03-31T02:36:27","date_gmt":"2016-03-31T02:36:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/?p=746"},"modified":"2015-12-28T00:16:44","modified_gmt":"2015-12-28T00:16:44","slug":"cats-in-the-cradle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/2016\/03\/cats-in-the-cradle.html","title":{"rendered":"Cat&#8217;s In the Cradle"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I remember when I was in high school, I used to listen to Harry Chapin&#8217;s song &#8220;Cat&#8217;s in the Cradle&#8221; and contemplate that I don&#8217;t want that to be me:  &#8220;I don&#8217;t want to be too busy to enjoy my family.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The lyrics of the song tell a familiar story:<\/p>\n<p>My child arrived just the other day<br \/>\nHe came to the world in the usual way<br \/>\nBut there were planes to catch, and bills to pay<br \/>\nHe learned to walk while I was away<br \/>\nAnd he was talking &#8216;fore I knew it, and as he grew<br \/>\nHe&#8217;d say, &#8220;I&#8217;m gonna be like you, dad<br \/>\nYou know I&#8217;m gonna be like you.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>And the cat&#8217;s in the cradle and the silver spoon<br \/>\nLittle boy blue and the man in the moon<br \/>\n&#8220;When you coming home, dad?&#8221; &#8220;I don&#8217;t know when<br \/>\nBut we&#8217;ll get together then<br \/>\nYou know we&#8217;ll have a good time then.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>My son turned ten just the other day<br \/>\nHe said, &#8220;Thanks for the ball, dad; come on, let&#8217;s play<br \/>\nCan you teach me to throw?&#8221;<br \/>\nI said, &#8220;Not today, I got a lot to do.&#8221;<br \/>\nHe said, &#8220;That&#8217;s okay.&#8221;<br \/>\nAnd he walked away, but his smile never dimmed<\/p>\n<p>And the cat&#8217;s in the cradle and the silver spoon<br \/>\nLittle boy blue and the man in the moon<br \/>\n&#8220;When you coming home, dad?&#8221; &#8220;I don&#8217;t know when<br \/>\nBut we&#8217;ll get together then<br \/>\nYou know we&#8217;ll have a good time then.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Well, he came from college just the other day<br \/>\nSo much like a man, I just had to say<br \/>\n&#8220;Son, I&#8217;m proud of you. Can you sit for a while?&#8221;<br \/>\nHe shook his head, and he said with a smile<br \/>\n&#8220;What I&#8217;d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys<br \/>\nSee you later; can I have them please?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>And the cat&#8217;s in the cradle and the silver spoon<br \/>\nLittle boy blue and the man in the moon<br \/>\n&#8220;When you coming home, son?&#8221; &#8220;I don&#8217;t know when<br \/>\nBut we&#8217;ll get together then, dad<br \/>\nYou know we&#8217;ll have a good time then.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ve long since retired, and my son&#8217;s moved away<br \/>\nI called him up just the other day<br \/>\nI said, &#8220;I&#8217;d like to see you if you don&#8217;t mind.&#8221;<br \/>\nHe said, &#8220;I&#8217;d love to, dad, if I could find the time<br \/>\nYou see, my new job&#8217;s a hassle, and the kid&#8217;s got the flu<br \/>\nBut it&#8217;s sure nice talking to you, dad<br \/>\nIt&#8217;s been sure nice talking to you.&#8221;<br \/>\nAnd as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me<br \/>\nHe&#8217;d grown up just like me<br \/>\nMy boy was just like me<\/p>\n<p>I use that song often to remind me to soak up ever minute with my kids &#8211; To not look for tomorrow, but to live today.  It&#8217;s not easy, but I&#8217;m glad I have my reminders.<\/p>\n<p>Another reminder is advice from my old boss who didn&#8217;t say much, but I&#8217;ll never forget his advice:  &#8220;Life goes by really fast &#8211; Don&#8217;t miss out on your kids.&#8221;   Remember &#8211; &#8220;Life is what happens when you are planning for it.&#8221;   He told me stories over and over of dad&#8217;s regretting missing out on their kids lives.  He was my boss.  He wasn&#8217;t worried about my work life.  We as worried about me missing life because of my work life.  I&#8217;m so grateful for his advice.  <\/p>\n<p>So simple, but yet so hard.  And yet so important.<\/p>\n<p>The present is all there is &#8211; don&#8217;t miss it looking forward.  The present is all there is &#8211; Don&#8217;t miss it by looking back.<\/p>\n<p>Thank you Harry Chapin for that Wonderful Song.   Thank you to everyone for the reminders &#8211; They are so important.<\/p>\n<p>So simple, so hard, but yet so important.  Let&#8217;s all keep reminding each other.<\/p>\n<p>DON&#8217;T MISS OUT ON LIFE BY NOT BEING &#8211;  IN THE PRESENT &#8211; It&#8217;s ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS.<\/p>\n<p>Timothy Velner is a husband, father, attorney and author living in Minneapolis. You can follow his daily blog \u2013 a series of discussions between the worry-self and the present-self at &#8211; <a href=\"http:\/\/thespiritualgym.me\" target=\"_blank\">thespiritualgym.me<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I remember when I was in high school, I used to listen to Harry Chapin&#8217;s song &#8220;Cat&#8217;s in the Cradle&#8221; and contemplate that I don&#8217;t want that to be me: &#8220;I don&#8217;t want to be too busy to enjoy my family.&#8221; The lyrics of the song tell a familiar story: My child arrived just the&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":587,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-746","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Cat&#039;s In the Cradle - Cut the Crap Spirituality<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/2016\/03\/cats-in-the-cradle.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Cat&#039;s In the Cradle - Cut the Crap Spirituality\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I remember when I was in high school, I used to listen to Harry Chapin&#8217;s song &#8220;Cat&#8217;s in the Cradle&#8221; and contemplate that I don&#8217;t want that to be me: &#8220;I don&#8217;t want to be too busy to enjoy my family.&#8221; The lyrics of the song tell a familiar story: My child arrived just the&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/2016\/03\/cats-in-the-cradle.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Cut the Crap Spirituality\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-03-31T02:36:27+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-12-28T00:16:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"timvelner\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Cat's In the Cradle - Cut the Crap Spirituality","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/2016\/03\/cats-in-the-cradle.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Cat's In the Cradle - Cut the Crap Spirituality","og_description":"I remember when I was in high school, I used to listen to Harry Chapin&#8217;s song &#8220;Cat&#8217;s in the Cradle&#8221; and contemplate that I don&#8217;t want that to be me: &#8220;I don&#8217;t want to be too busy to enjoy my family.&#8221; The lyrics of the song tell a familiar story: My child arrived just the&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/2016\/03\/cats-in-the-cradle.html","og_site_name":"Cut the Crap Spirituality","article_published_time":"2016-03-31T02:36:27+00:00","article_modified_time":"2015-12-28T00:16:44+00:00","author":"timvelner","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/2016\/03\/cats-in-the-cradle.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/2016\/03\/cats-in-the-cradle.html","name":"Cat's In the Cradle - Cut the Crap Spirituality","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/#website"},"datePublished":"2016-03-31T02:36:27+00:00","dateModified":"2015-12-28T00:16:44+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/#\/schema\/person\/3c1ce828b3e2f85a8f07fe387a320e7b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/2016\/03\/cats-in-the-cradle.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/2016\/03\/cats-in-the-cradle.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/2016\/03\/cats-in-the-cradle.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Cat&#8217;s In the Cradle"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/","name":"Cut the Crap Spirituality","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Timothy Velner","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/#\/schema\/person\/3c1ce828b3e2f85a8f07fe387a320e7b","name":"timvelner","description":"I grew up religious, attended Catholic grade school and recall being scared to death of dying and going to \u201che-double toothpicks.\u201d The fear of double-toothpicks played a central role in my life \u2013 so much so, that during college I went to church every Sunday when I should have been at home recovering with my friends. I remember on those Sundays righteously thinking \u2013 I\u2019ve got my crap together. All my friends are at home sleeping, and when it all comes to an end, I\u2019ll be standing tall. After college I continued to trudge through life dotting my i\u2019s and crossing my t\u2019s \u2013 all on my way toward a supposed happy ending. Through the early part of law school I continued with church every Sunday and even picked up a teaching gig \u2013 Wednesday-night catechism. I was checking boxes and nothing was going to stand in my way \u2013 double-toothpicks would never know the likes of me. As time went on in law school, however, things slowly began to change. Training to be an attorney required that I to pay attention to my words and actions. No more doing things just to do them. Success in law school demanded that I understood why things were said and what they meant. It was a new experience for me \u2013 personal responsibility for my thoughts and actions. Little did I know, however, I was on a crash course with religion. As I continued with church and teaching catechism, things started to unravel. I started thinking about what I was saying. And a lot of it didn\u2019t make sense. In fact, a lot of it seemed quite absurd. How could a loving God condemn someone to hell? If God was all-powerful, why would hell even exist? How could there be one true church when much of religion was determined by geography? But what really got me was the selective adoration of God. If someone was cured of cancer, it was always through the grace of God, but where was God when someone died a tragic death? The religious hypothesis for life failed the consistency test. Too many things just didn\u2019t make sense. But who was I to question religion? Besides, questioning took a lot of work and left a lot of uncertainty - It was much easier to do what I was told, and hope for the best. So I plowed ahead with the prescribed formula \u2013 be nice, go to church, believe in Jesus and maybe dump a little money in the basket. But as the weeks and months went by that formula revealed itself as more and more contrived. It smelled crappy - of humans trying to control each other. I wanted to cut ties, but was scared to leave. I still needed something to help me with the uncertainty of life, and didn\u2019t know where to turn. So I reluctantly continued down the same path. As time proceeded, however, that path became more and more restrictive. I had become a caged bird and was looking for my keeper to open the door. Slowly I began to realize that I was my own keeper. I started exploring other religions, philosophies and spiritualties. I attended churches of different denominations. I spoke to anyone who had an interest in the topic. I took it all in, and it slowly digested. I began listening to my own voice. My keeper was ready to open the door. But one question continued to nag me. What if I was wrong? What if my inner-voice was leading me astray? What if a happy ending really meant holding firm to one certain belief? With double-toothpicks at stake, I needed to be sure. So 1997, I quit my job as an attorney, sold my house and moved to California to attend Divinity School at the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley. It was through that experience that my keeper finally had the courage to turn the key and open the door. I flew free to experience a new world. A world that was always right in front of me but hidden through religious fear. I no longer look at life through the eyes of religion where we are being watched and judged by a father figure. I no longer look at life as something that must be undertaken through a prescribed formula. I no longer look at life as though someone else has the answers for me to follow. I cut the crap from religion, and went rogue. The following blogs will provide some insight into the crap I cut and the change I experienced. I don\u2019t proclaim to have any answers \u2013 only my own experiences that I am willing to share with you. If what I share doesn\u2019t resonate, toss it aside and move on. Finally, if I\u2019m wrong about all of this and end up in double-toothpicks, I\u2019ll just blame it on law school. At least I\u2019ll be in good company with all the other attorneys. Thanks for reading. You can follow my daily blog \u2013 a series of discussions between the worry-self and the present-self \u2013 at: thespiritualgym.me","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/author\/timvelner"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/746","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/587"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=746"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/746\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":759,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/746\/revisions\/759"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=746"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=746"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=746"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}