{"id":349,"date":"2015-12-24T01:20:41","date_gmt":"2015-12-24T01:20:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/?p=349"},"modified":"2015-12-27T23:48:23","modified_gmt":"2015-12-27T23:48:23","slug":"trophies-for-all","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/2015\/12\/trophies-for-all.html","title":{"rendered":"Trophies for All"},"content":{"rendered":"

I recently overheard someone comment that they really dislike sports nowadays because everyone gets a trophy.   He said:  “What are we teaching our kids if everyone gets a trophy?   Trophies lose value if everyone gets them.”<\/p>\n

It’s hard to disagree with that comment.   I have a son, however, who has some developmental challenges and will likely have a very difficult time earning trophies the old-fashioned way.<\/p>\n

It led me to think about what trophies represent.   Are we praising our kids for the results or the effort?<\/p>\n

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the results.  I certainly do, especially with my daughters who are swimmers.  I’m right there pumping my fist each time they go faster and finish higher up the list.<\/p>\n

But at the end of the day for me there nothing like seeing my son give it everything he has, pouring his heart out and coming in last place.   I’ll take that any day of the year over a first place that comes easily.<\/p>\n

Timothy Velner is a husband, father, attorney and author living in Minneapolis. You can follow his daily blog \u2013 a series of discussions between the worry-self and the present-self at – thespiritualgym.me<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I recently overheard someone comment that they really dislike sports nowadays because everyone gets a trophy.   He said:  “What are we teaching our kids if everyone gets a trophy?   Trophies lose value if everyone gets them.” It’s hard to disagree with that comment.   I have a son, however, who has some developmental challenges and will likely…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":587,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-349","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nTrophies for All - Cut the Crap Spirituality<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/2015\/12\/trophies-for-all.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trophies for All - 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Timothy Velner","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/#\/schema\/person\/3c1ce828b3e2f85a8f07fe387a320e7b","name":"timvelner","description":"I grew up religious, attended Catholic grade school and recall being scared to death of dying and going to \u201che-double toothpicks.\u201d The fear of double-toothpicks played a central role in my life \u2013 so much so, that during college I went to church every Sunday when I should have been at home recovering with my friends. I remember on those Sundays righteously thinking \u2013 I\u2019ve got my crap together. All my friends are at home sleeping, and when it all comes to an end, I\u2019ll be standing tall. After college I continued to trudge through life dotting my i\u2019s and crossing my t\u2019s \u2013 all on my way toward a supposed happy ending. Through the early part of law school I continued with church every Sunday and even picked up a teaching gig \u2013 Wednesday-night catechism. I was checking boxes and nothing was going to stand in my way \u2013 double-toothpicks would never know the likes of me. As time went on in law school, however, things slowly began to change. Training to be an attorney required that I to pay attention to my words and actions. No more doing things just to do them. Success in law school demanded that I understood why things were said and what they meant. It was a new experience for me \u2013 personal responsibility for my thoughts and actions. Little did I know, however, I was on a crash course with religion. As I continued with church and teaching catechism, things started to unravel. I started thinking about what I was saying. And a lot of it didn\u2019t make sense. In fact, a lot of it seemed quite absurd. How could a loving God condemn someone to hell? If God was all-powerful, why would hell even exist? How could there be one true church when much of religion was determined by geography? But what really got me was the selective adoration of God. If someone was cured of cancer, it was always through the grace of God, but where was God when someone died a tragic death? The religious hypothesis for life failed the consistency test. Too many things just didn\u2019t make sense. But who was I to question religion? Besides, questioning took a lot of work and left a lot of uncertainty - It was much easier to do what I was told, and hope for the best. So I plowed ahead with the prescribed formula \u2013 be nice, go to church, believe in Jesus and maybe dump a little money in the basket. But as the weeks and months went by that formula revealed itself as more and more contrived. It smelled crappy - of humans trying to control each other. I wanted to cut ties, but was scared to leave. I still needed something to help me with the uncertainty of life, and didn\u2019t know where to turn. So I reluctantly continued down the same path. As time proceeded, however, that path became more and more restrictive. I had become a caged bird and was looking for my keeper to open the door. Slowly I began to realize that I was my own keeper. I started exploring other religions, philosophies and spiritualties. I attended churches of different denominations. I spoke to anyone who had an interest in the topic. I took it all in, and it slowly digested. I began listening to my own voice. My keeper was ready to open the door. But one question continued to nag me. What if I was wrong? What if my inner-voice was leading me astray? What if a happy ending really meant holding firm to one certain belief? With double-toothpicks at stake, I needed to be sure. So 1997, I quit my job as an attorney, sold my house and moved to California to attend Divinity School at the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley. It was through that experience that my keeper finally had the courage to turn the key and open the door. I flew free to experience a new world. A world that was always right in front of me but hidden through religious fear. I no longer look at life through the eyes of religion where we are being watched and judged by a father figure. I no longer look at life as something that must be undertaken through a prescribed formula. I no longer look at life as though someone else has the answers for me to follow. I cut the crap from religion, and went rogue. The following blogs will provide some insight into the crap I cut and the change I experienced. I don\u2019t proclaim to have any answers \u2013 only my own experiences that I am willing to share with you. If what I share doesn\u2019t resonate, toss it aside and move on. Finally, if I\u2019m wrong about all of this and end up in double-toothpicks, I\u2019ll just blame it on law school. At least I\u2019ll be in good company with all the other attorneys. Thanks for reading. You can follow my daily blog \u2013 a series of discussions between the worry-self and the present-self \u2013 at: thespiritualgym.me","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/author\/timvelner"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/349","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/587"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=349"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/349\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":799,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/349\/revisions\/799"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=349"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=349"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=349"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}