{"id":160,"date":"2015-05-29T02:09:01","date_gmt":"2015-05-29T02:09:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/?p=160"},"modified":"2015-05-01T18:05:30","modified_gmt":"2015-05-01T18:05:30","slug":"fading-away-our-fears","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/2015\/05\/fading-away-our-fears.html","title":{"rendered":"Fading Away Our Fears"},"content":{"rendered":"

I drove by a sign today that read “Live Your Life Fearlessly.” Yes, indeed, I thought. But why the need to state the obvious? What is it we are so fearful of in life? <\/p>\n

The unknown<\/em>, I thought. When we boil it down, most of our fears arise from not knowing what tomorrow will bring. The fear of failure. The fear of not living up to expectations. The fear of rejection. The fear of becoming ill. The fear of being less than perfect. And the ultimate fear – The fear of dying. <\/p>\n

But why do we fear the unknown? The unknown itself is exciting. It’s pure potential. It’s the opportunity to create a new reality. Life wouldn’t exist as we know it without the unknown – It’s the space for our creativity.<\/p>\n

I’m not sure it’s the unknown that we fear. What we really fear, I think, is becoming what we have labeled and judged as bad or undesireable. <\/p>\n

We have labeled failure as bad; rejection as undesirable; sickness as failure. We seek perfection because we view average as weak. We fear dying because we were told about “hell.” <\/p>\n

An interesting thing about our fears is that often they did not originate for us. We have accepted the labels and judgments of others, and they have become our fears. And it is not until we actually encounter that label or judgment that we lose our fear of it. Failing is bad until we do so and learn from it. Rejection is bad until we learn that the opinions of others are of no consequence. Being average is undesirable until we learn that we are all unique and perfect in our own way. When we encounter our fears we are forced to form our own opinions. <\/p>\n

And just like facing down the bully, the best way to get rid of our fears is to look them squarely in the face for what they are – judgments and labels. When we stop judging and labeling our fears will slowly fade away. <\/p>\n

So where does that leave us with dying? If God is the loving sort, even just a little bit, is there really any chance that we could be separated at death? Ask any parent and I think you’ll have your answer. <\/p>\n

Timothy Velner is a husband, father, attorney and author living in Minneapolis. You can follow his daily blog \u2013 a series of discussions between the worry-self and the present-self at – thespiritualgym.me<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I drove by a sign today that read “Live Your Life Fearlessly.” Yes, indeed, I thought. But why the need to state the obvious? What is it we are so fearful of in life? The unknown, I thought. When we boil it down, most of our fears arise from not knowing what tomorrow will bring.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":587,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-160","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nFading Away Our Fears - Cut the Crap Spirituality<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Fading Away Our Fears - Cut the Crap Spirituality\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I drove by a sign today that read “Live Your Life Fearlessly.” Yes, indeed, I thought. But why the need to state the obvious? What is it we are so fearful of in life? The unknown, I thought. 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I remember on those Sundays righteously thinking \u2013 I\u2019ve got my crap together. All my friends are at home sleeping, and when it all comes to an end, I\u2019ll be standing tall. After college I continued to trudge through life dotting my i\u2019s and crossing my t\u2019s \u2013 all on my way toward a supposed happy ending. Through the early part of law school I continued with church every Sunday and even picked up a teaching gig \u2013 Wednesday-night catechism. I was checking boxes and nothing was going to stand in my way \u2013 double-toothpicks would never know the likes of me. As time went on in law school, however, things slowly began to change. Training to be an attorney required that I to pay attention to my words and actions. No more doing things just to do them. Success in law school demanded that I understood why things were said and what they meant. It was a new experience for me \u2013 personal responsibility for my thoughts and actions. Little did I know, however, I was on a crash course with religion. As I continued with church and teaching catechism, things started to unravel. I started thinking about what I was saying. And a lot of it didn\u2019t make sense. In fact, a lot of it seemed quite absurd. How could a loving God condemn someone to hell? If God was all-powerful, why would hell even exist? How could there be one true church when much of religion was determined by geography? But what really got me was the selective adoration of God. If someone was cured of cancer, it was always through the grace of God, but where was God when someone died a tragic death? The religious hypothesis for life failed the consistency test. Too many things just didn\u2019t make sense. But who was I to question religion? Besides, questioning took a lot of work and left a lot of uncertainty - It was much easier to do what I was told, and hope for the best. So I plowed ahead with the prescribed formula \u2013 be nice, go to church, believe in Jesus and maybe dump a little money in the basket. But as the weeks and months went by that formula revealed itself as more and more contrived. It smelled crappy - of humans trying to control each other. I wanted to cut ties, but was scared to leave. I still needed something to help me with the uncertainty of life, and didn\u2019t know where to turn. So I reluctantly continued down the same path. As time proceeded, however, that path became more and more restrictive. I had become a caged bird and was looking for my keeper to open the door. Slowly I began to realize that I was my own keeper. I started exploring other religions, philosophies and spiritualties. I attended churches of different denominations. I spoke to anyone who had an interest in the topic. I took it all in, and it slowly digested. I began listening to my own voice. My keeper was ready to open the door. But one question continued to nag me. What if I was wrong? What if my inner-voice was leading me astray? What if a happy ending really meant holding firm to one certain belief? With double-toothpicks at stake, I needed to be sure. So 1997, I quit my job as an attorney, sold my house and moved to California to attend Divinity School at the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley. It was through that experience that my keeper finally had the courage to turn the key and open the door. I flew free to experience a new world. A world that was always right in front of me but hidden through religious fear. I no longer look at life through the eyes of religion where we are being watched and judged by a father figure. I no longer look at life as something that must be undertaken through a prescribed formula. I no longer look at life as though someone else has the answers for me to follow. I cut the crap from religion, and went rogue. The following blogs will provide some insight into the crap I cut and the change I experienced. I don\u2019t proclaim to have any answers \u2013 only my own experiences that I am willing to share with you. If what I share doesn\u2019t resonate, toss it aside and move on. Finally, if I\u2019m wrong about all of this and end up in double-toothpicks, I\u2019ll just blame it on law school. At least I\u2019ll be in good company with all the other attorneys. Thanks for reading. You can follow my daily blog \u2013 a series of discussions between the worry-self and the present-self \u2013 at: thespiritualgym.me","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/author\/timvelner"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/160","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/587"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=160"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/160\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":219,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/160\/revisions\/219"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=160"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=160"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/cutthecrapspirituality\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=160"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}