{"id":9487,"date":"2018-12-18T23:14:19","date_gmt":"2018-12-19T04:14:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/?p=9487"},"modified":"2018-12-18T23:14:19","modified_gmt":"2018-12-19T04:14:19","slug":"minimize-or-criticize","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2018\/12\/minimize-or-criticize.html","title":{"rendered":"Minimize or Criticize?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I was speaking with someone today about her quite active inner critic. As I am intimately familiar with mine, I nodded knowingly as she went on to describe the ways in which hers puts her down, deprecates, denies her strengths and shines a spotlight on her perceived faults. I call mine Perfectionista who looks at me all judgmentally over her glasses, pointing a wagging finger and reminding me, &#8220;You should know better. You&#8217;re a therapist. How come you still have insecurities and self-doubt?\u00a0 Wouldn&#8217;t you think that with all the tools at your disposal, you would be farther along on your path?&#8221; She is merciless, that one. A while ago, I decided to give her an essential job to do; that of keeping me structured and on-task. I am not naturally organized and tend to be easily distracted&#8230;ooooh, look, a squirrel! With the multiple hats I wear and crazy-busy schedule I keep, she is my secretary who documents scrupulously, takes notes, returns phone calls. She helps me pack for trips and plugs the addresses into the GPS, making sure the gas tank is full. She is also the one who reminded me to jot down this title as a writing prompt when I erroneously thought I would remember it. This person and I continued our conversation and the words, &#8216;minimize or criticize&#8217; came out.<\/p>\n<p>We both acknowledged our tendency to minimize our successes as we criticize ourselves for missing the mark. It reminds me of the poster I saw by the time clock where I worked at one point. The tongue in cheek words?\u00a0 &#8220;The beatings will continue until morale improves around here.&#8221; We erroneously believe that by putting ourselves down, we will somehow lift ourselves up. It never works, and yet, we keep trying to elevate ourselves with hard work. I am all for putting my heart and soul into everything I do. There are times, despite my best efforts, that the outcome is not as I hoped it would be. If results were commensurate with my intention, commitment and follow through, I would be on top of the world and uber-successful, by my standards. I am learning to let go of the insistence on burning the candle at both ends until there is no more wax left.<\/p>\n<p>Another person I know had an intimate relationship with his own inner critic. He referred to his\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/books\/NBK262332\/\" target=\"_blank\">anxiety<\/a>\u00a0as being like a gang of bullies surrounding and taunting him, \u201cYou\u2019re going to fail anyway, so why bother trying?\u201d \u201cNothing is ever going to work for you.\u201d \u201cWhat if everything falls apart?\u201d These inner demons echoed some of what he came to believe when he was in middle school \u2014 a period which seems to be the bane of the existence for many teens. It tends to be a point in their development when they cross an invisible line into their own personal hell. I can vouch for that in my own life and would not choose to relive those years from 7th-9th grade.<\/p>\n<article id=\"post-50518\" class=\"post-50518 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-anxiety category-general category-happiness category-psychotherapy category-relaxation-and-meditation category-self-esteem category-self-help tag-anxiety tag-bullying tag-personal-growth tag-posttraumatic-stress tag-ptsd tag-trauma tag-worry has_thumb\">\n<div class=\"entry-content\">\n<p>I reminded him that despite his apparent successes, such as graduating high school, preparing to go to college, finding a job he enjoys, having a small circle of reliable friends, as well as loving parents who believe in him, he would still\u00a0fall prey to those self-sabotaging thoughts.<\/p>\n<p>It made sense to him to treat these thoughts one at a time, like a line of individuals waiting for customer service.\u00a0He agreed to run each one through validation filters.\u00a0<em>Was it true and knowable that he would fail?<\/em>\u00a0Of course not.\u00a0<em>Was it true nothing would ever work?<\/em>\u00a0No, he had successes that proved otherwise. And yes, sometimes things do fall apart, but then much of the time they can be put back together. He recognized that he was not Humpty Dumpty.<\/p>\n<p>Neither am I. Not sitting on a wall, afraid of toppling off.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I was speaking with someone today about her quite active inner critic. As I am intimately familiar with mine, I nodded knowingly as she went on to describe the ways in which hers puts her down, deprecates, denies her strengths and shines a spotlight on her perceived faults. I call mine Perfectionista who looks at&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":233,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2,13,3532,19,3,14,4,16],"tags":[4704,1192,5393,621],"class_list":["post-9487","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-attracting-what-you-desire","category-bliss","category-blissfull-thinking","category-edie-weinstein","category-empowerment","category-gratitude","category-how-to-invite-bliss","category-inspiration","category-my-personal-bliss","tag-anxiety","tag-gps","tag-humpty-dumpty","tag-self-esteem"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Minimize or Criticize? - The Bliss Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Minimize or Criticize? - The Bliss Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I was speaking with someone today about her quite active inner critic. As I am intimately familiar with mine, I nodded knowingly as she went on to describe the ways in which hers puts her down, deprecates, denies her strengths and shines a spotlight on her perceived faults. I call mine Perfectionista who looks at&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2018\/12\/minimize-or-criticize.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Bliss Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/snuggleyoga\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-12-19T04:14:19+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@EdieWeinstein1\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Minimize or Criticize? - The Bliss Blog","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Minimize or Criticize? - The Bliss Blog","og_description":"I was speaking with someone today about her quite active inner critic. As I am intimately familiar with mine, I nodded knowingly as she went on to describe the ways in which hers puts her down, deprecates, denies her strengths and shines a spotlight on her perceived faults. I call mine Perfectionista who looks at&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2018\/12\/minimize-or-criticize.html","og_site_name":"The Bliss Blog","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/snuggleyoga","article_published_time":"2018-12-19T04:14:19+00:00","author":"Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@EdieWeinstein1","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2018\/12\/minimize-or-criticize.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2018\/12\/minimize-or-criticize.html","name":"Minimize or Criticize? - The Bliss Blog","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/#website"},"datePublished":"2018-12-19T04:14:19+00:00","dateModified":"2018-12-19T04:14:19+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/#\/schema\/person\/edcd643a643a9ca91adb1e8f9e177386"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2018\/12\/minimize-or-criticize.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2018\/12\/minimize-or-criticize.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2018\/12\/minimize-or-criticize.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Minimize or Criticize?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/","name":"The Bliss Blog","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Edie Weinstein","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/#\/schema\/person\/edcd643a643a9ca91adb1e8f9e177386","name":"Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/0d6\/0d6cd7619da51a9a40cc705280e88f9cx96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/0d6\/0d6cd7619da51a9a40cc705280e88f9cx96.jpg","caption":"Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW"},"description":"Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, inspiring transformational speaker, licensed social worker, interfaith minister, editor, radio host, BLISS coach, event producer, Cosmic Concierge, the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary and co-author of Embraced By the Divine: The Emerging Woman\u2019s Gateway to Power, Passion and Purpose. She has also contributed to several anthologies and personal growth books. Edie has interviewed such notables as Ram Dass, Wayne Dyer, Debbie Ford, don Miguel Ruiz, don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. Marianne Williamson, Grover Washington, Jr. Noah Levine, Shirley MacLaine, Dennis Weaver, Ben and Jerry and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. She calls herself an Opti-mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility. Edie is the founder of Hug Mobsters Armed With Love, which offers FREE HUGS events on a planned and spontaneous basis. www.opti-mystical.com.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.opti-mystical.com","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/snuggleyoga","https:\/\/x.com\/EdieWeinstein1"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/author\/eweinstein"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9487","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/233"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9487"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9487\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9491,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9487\/revisions\/9491"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9487"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9487"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9487"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}