{"id":6845,"date":"2014-08-17T06:25:25","date_gmt":"2014-08-17T10:25:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/?p=6845"},"modified":"2014-08-17T06:26:45","modified_gmt":"2014-08-17T10:26:45","slug":"hurt-people-hurt-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2014\/08\/hurt-people-hurt-people.html","title":{"rendered":"Hurt People Hurt People?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"id_53f07ca2e7fa64439358443\" class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\"><span class=\"userContent\">Lately, I have been pondering this conundrum:<\/span><\/div>\n<div class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\"><span class=\"userContent\">Why do people make violence acceptable? I see so many photos and videos of people hurting animals and people, images of abuse that whoever shot the films somehow think is cool. I understand why folks post them so that someone can identify the perpetrators and stop them. As a therapist for decades I have heard the adage that &#8216;hurt people hurt people&#8217;; but I know they don&#8217;t have to. I know that abus<span class=\"text_exposed_show\">e, hitting, striking, shaking,\u00a0spanking, threats to do these things, does psychological, physiological and neurological damage so that judgment is impaired and impulse control is poor. There are studies that validate this and yet it continues.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<div class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\"><span class=\"userContent\"><span class=\"text_exposed_show\">That doesn&#8217;t excuse it. Although I consider myself an optimist (and opti-mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility), there are times when I feel really discouraged about the ways people interact with each other. I know that all I can do is be aware of my own behavior and the ways in which I relate to people in my life. If I am\u00a0loving and &#8216;do no harm,&#8217; then I am doing my\u00a0part to increase the peace. If I allow anger and resentment to get the better\u00a0of me, then I am feeding the collective soup pot with that energy as well.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<div class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\"><span class=\"userContent\"><span class=\"text_exposed_show\">Last night, I was having a conversation with a long time friend. We were both observing relationship patterns\u00a0in our lives.\u00a0Both seasoned women- she is divorced, I\u00a0was widowed. Neither in a long term, committed relationship since our respective\u00a0marriages ended. Although I say I want to be in partnership and (as a friend who studies astrology has told\u00a0me over and over, that since I have so many planets in Libra, I am a relationship magnet- my work is all about relationships, including my\u00a0radio show by that name)\u00a0 I remain (mostly) blissfully single.\u00a0 Part of it is conscious choice, part a\u00a0lingering fear that I may attract what I recently referred to as another &#8216;paradoxical marriage&#8217;. My husband and I loved each other dearly and there were elements of co-dependence and dysfunction that we\u00a0didn&#8217;t have the wherewithal at the time to manage or change. Some of it involved generational wounding.\u00a0 Relationships are not 50\/50. They are 100\/100, as each person brings their history, baggage and beliefs to the table. His was about healing from family of origin addiction, abuse and mental health challenges and mine was about co-dependent &#8216;savior behavior&#8217; and people pleasing. Not a great combination or indicator for a healthy relationship. He was a hurt person. I wanted to kiss the boo boos and make them better. I couldn&#8217;t.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<div class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\">This, by the way, is not to martyr myself or make myself into some kind of hero. I had my own &#8216;mishegoss&#8217; (Yiddish for crazy) going on. I simply want to understand the dynamics and change them for the next round of my life. I desire to be a force for good in all of my relationships and although I have experienced hurt (who hasn&#8217;t?), it is my solid intention to heal my own woundings so that I break the cycle.<\/div>\n<div class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"text_exposed_root text_exposed\"><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Lately, I have been pondering this conundrum: Why do people make violence acceptable? I see so many photos and videos of people hurting animals and people, images of abuse that whoever shot the films somehow think is cool. I understand why folks post them so that someone can identify the perpetrators and stop them. As&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":233,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[602,1,13,1803,3532,19,94,22,4,30,51,16,7,17,38],"tags":[4892,4897,3941,1847],"class_list":["post-6845","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-addiction","category-attracting-what-you-desire","category-blissfull-thinking","category-co-dependence","category-edie-weinstein","category-empowerment","category-family","category-healing","category-inspiration","category-love","category-mental-health","category-my-personal-bliss","category-re-creating-your-life","category-relationships","category-transformation","tag-co-dependence","tag-edie-weinstein","tag-marriage","tag-yiddish"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Hurt People Hurt People? - The Bliss Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2014\/08\/hurt-people-hurt-people.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Hurt People Hurt People? - The Bliss Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Lately, I have been pondering this conundrum: Why do people make violence acceptable? 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She has also contributed to several anthologies and personal growth books. Edie has interviewed such notables as Ram Dass, Wayne Dyer, Debbie Ford, don Miguel Ruiz, don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. Marianne Williamson, Grover Washington, Jr. Noah Levine, Shirley MacLaine, Dennis Weaver, Ben and Jerry and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. She calls herself an Opti-mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility. 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