{"id":4807,"date":"2013-03-07T08:26:52","date_gmt":"2013-03-07T13:26:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/blissblog\/?p=4807"},"modified":"2013-03-07T08:26:52","modified_gmt":"2013-03-07T13:26:52","slug":"bully-vs-ally","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2013\/03\/bully-vs-ally.html","title":{"rendered":"Bully vs. Ally"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a id=\"overlay_image_anchor_7811449\" href=\"\/photo.php?imageId=7811449&amp;searchId=8d06349c27c515bdcadece7494586d6c&amp;npos=28\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/everystockphoto\/fspid31\/15\/96\/27\/7\/taunting-teasing-gossip-1596277-m.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Tonight in my job as a therapist in a drug and alcohol oupatient treatment center, I facilitated my weekly Women&#8217;s Group. The topic of negative self talk came up and the ways in which it sabotagued their successes and undermined their wellbeing. Some had habitual gloom and doom thoughts,\u00a0envisioning the worst possible outcome. That &#8216;stinkin&#8217; thinkin&#8217; as it is referred to in 12 step reccovery circles could be as addictive\u00a0and insidious as the substances they had used that brought them to treatment. It occurred to me at that moment, that each of us has an inner bully and an inner ally. After writing those words on the white board, I asked the women to call out the attiributes of each. The words <em>controlling, robbing self esteem, loss of respect, damaging, abusive<\/em> came to mind. On the flip side, the words <em>supportive, freeing,\u00a0 safety, got your back<\/em>\u00a0 and by your side were some of what showed up on the ally tally.<\/p>\n<p>In the same way that an external bully can devastate us and perhaps, in some cases, already have, so too can our overbearing (who put you in charge?) persona that can have us cowering in tears in a corner somewhere with just a raise of an eyebrow or a sarcastic comment. The sad part is that we believe the garbage that the bully spews at us, rather than challenging it and saying, hands on hips, &#8220;You&#8217;re not the boss of me,&#8221; in your best, determined to stand- your -ground voice. Remember that bullies are really pretty insecure and immature, who want to have the illusion of control when inside, <strong>they<\/strong> may be quivering in fear.<\/p>\n<p>So how can we turn it around for ourselves and recognize the bully for what it is; the\u00a0scared little kid part of ourselves that just wants to be heard and loved and is demanding attention, and is willing to receive\u00a0 it in negative ways? Chances are, it will go sulking back into its lair. What do your inner bully and ally look like?\u00a0 What do they say to you to both support and sabotague you? Whose voices come out of them?\u00a0 Do the messages sound familiar?<\/p>\n<p>My inner bully sometimes\u00a0 looks and sounds \u00a0like a snide, snarky know it all, garbed in a trim little black suit (not the fashion choice for this gracefully aging hippie who prefers flowing and sometimes colorful accoutrement) looking over her glasses at me, wagging her finger and demanding that I explain myself. She expects me to earn my keep, justify my existence, while encouraging me to play small, since after all, there are many more talented writers and teachers out there&#8230;hmmmmppphhh. My ally IS that gracefully aging Earth Mother hippie with the long hair of my early adulthood who in 1981, had just returned from Outward Bound with a broken pinkie, frostbite on both hands, bronchitis and a sprained ankle who never moved to Vermont as whe had once contemplated&#8230;.after 10 days in the wilds of Maine and New Hampshire, she found it was too damn cold! This enthusiastic, take life by storm ,compact, fiercely independent young woman is now an integrated part of the 54 year old, more curvaceous, laugh lined, seasoned woman. Over the past 30 some years, she has invited kindred spirits to join the party, who believe in her, cheer her on, remind her who she truly is. With them at her side, that bully doesn&#8217;t stand a chance!<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch%3Fv%3DZuzi-yH9VLo\">www.youtube.com\/watch%3Fv%3DZuzi-yH9VLo<\/a> Friends- Elton John<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; Tonight in my job as a therapist in a drug and alcohol oupatient treatment center, I facilitated my weekly Women&#8217;s Group. The topic of negative self talk came up and the ways in which it sabotagued their successes and undermined their wellbeing. Some had habitual gloom and doom thoughts,\u00a0envisioning the worst possible outcome. That&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":233,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[602,1,2,13,19,49,3,22,14,4,51,7,52,38,29],"tags":[519,1467,391,1165,1166,319,4871],"class_list":["post-4807","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-addiction","category-attracting-what-you-desire","category-bliss","category-blissfull-thinking","category-empowerment","category-friendship","category-gratitude","category-healing","category-how-to-invite-bliss","category-inspiration","category-mental-health","category-re-creating-your-life","category-recovery","category-transformation","category-women","tag-12-step","tag-elton-john","tag-friends","tag-maine","tag-new-hampshire","tag-outward-bound","tag-recovery"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Bully vs. Ally - The Bliss Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2013\/03\/bully-vs-ally.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Bully vs. Ally - The Bliss Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"&nbsp; Tonight in my job as a therapist in a drug and alcohol oupatient treatment center, I facilitated my weekly Women&#8217;s Group. The topic of negative self talk came up and the ways in which it sabotagued their successes and undermined their wellbeing. Some had habitual gloom and doom thoughts,\u00a0envisioning the worst possible outcome. That&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2013\/03\/bully-vs-ally.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Bliss Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/snuggleyoga\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-03-07T13:26:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/everystockphoto\/fspid31\/15\/96\/27\/7\/taunting-teasing-gossip-1596277-m.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@EdieWeinstein1\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Bully vs. Ally - The Bliss Blog","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2013\/03\/bully-vs-ally.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Bully vs. Ally - The Bliss Blog","og_description":"&nbsp; Tonight in my job as a therapist in a drug and alcohol oupatient treatment center, I facilitated my weekly Women&#8217;s Group. The topic of negative self talk came up and the ways in which it sabotagued their successes and undermined their wellbeing. Some had habitual gloom and doom thoughts,\u00a0envisioning the worst possible outcome. 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She has also contributed to several anthologies and personal growth books. Edie has interviewed such notables as Ram Dass, Wayne Dyer, Debbie Ford, don Miguel Ruiz, don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. Marianne Williamson, Grover Washington, Jr. Noah Levine, Shirley MacLaine, Dennis Weaver, Ben and Jerry and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. She calls herself an Opti-mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility. Edie is the founder of Hug Mobsters Armed With Love, which offers FREE HUGS events on a planned and spontaneous basis. www.opti-mystical.com.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.opti-mystical.com","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/snuggleyoga","https:\/\/x.com\/EdieWeinstein1"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/author\/eweinstein"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4807","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/233"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4807"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4807\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4812,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4807\/revisions\/4812"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4807"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4807"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4807"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}