{"id":2965,"date":"2012-04-18T23:48:25","date_gmt":"2012-04-19T03:48:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/blissblog\/?p=2965"},"modified":"2012-04-18T23:48:25","modified_gmt":"2012-04-19T03:48:25","slug":"easy-to-be-hard","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2012\/04\/easy-to-be-hard.html","title":{"rendered":"Easy To Be Hard"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/blissblog\/files\/2012\/04\/pointing-finger-clip-art1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-2969\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/107\/2012\/04\/pointing-finger-clip-art1-286x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"286\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>This morning I was on the phone with my sister Jan, asking her about a pattern I noticed in both of our lives. We grew up in a home overflowing with love, support, fun, creativity, physical affection and nurturing. We were raised with the idea that we could do or be whatever we set our hearts and\u00a0 minds to&#8230;.and yet, here we are, two seasoned women who are excessively hard on ourselves, at times, lacking in self compassion and acceptance. Where the<strong> heck <\/strong>did that idea come from?\u00a0 We both pondered the question, coming up empty for an answer; except that our father used to say, in an effort to create resilient daughters who could face challenges, &#8220;If that&#8217;s the worst thing that happens to you, you&#8217;ll be ok.&#8221;\u00a0 It could apply to anything from a skinned knee to an emotional boo-boo like a relationship breakup. He hadn&#8217;t intended to minimize our feelings, but the umbilical cord was connected to HIM long after it had been cut at our births that he couldn&#8217;t stand to see us hurting.<\/p>\n<p>We both carry the idea that we need to be the go-to people, the Ms. Fixits, the rocks on which others can lean. I told her that I felt badly, venting to her about a challenging situation in my life, when she is facing more daunting issues in her own life. She said something that surprised me; quite the sage she can be at times. She replied that my issues were my central focus and deserved attention too. There are times when I minimize my &#8216;right&#8217; to receive time and focus from others, since &#8220;after all, my life is pretty darn good and what the heck do I have to complain about? Oy vay!.&#8221;\u00a0 I am uncomfortable with the sense of vulnerability it implies (to me, at least), letting the cat out of the bag that I am not always feeling chippery and cheerful and can whip a walloping internal temper tantrum that would be the envy of a two year old.<\/p>\n<p>There is a poster I saw that said &#8220;The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves Around Here&#8221;. So often I (and perhaps you) harass and abuse myself with incessant choruses of criticism, as if somehow it will make us better people. It has a parodoxical effect and we end up feeling badly about ourselves, which in turn, has us spinning our wheels faster and with greater fervor, as if somehow that will make a difference. It only makes us exhausted, resentful and feeling as if we will never be able to catch up. Or then, maybe that&#8217;s just me. Nah.<\/p>\n<p>I offer classes that focus on self love and compassion because, as the adage goes, we teach what we need to learn. I was speaking with someone tonight on that subject and was amazed how some of what this other person shared so mirrored some of my entrenched beliefs that I thought I had sent packing. Apparently not.<\/p>\n<p>My friend Scott Kalechstein Grace\u00a0waxes humorous about Critiholism which is perfect for those of us with over active inner critics. \u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=VxuYQqR1IScwww.youtube.com\/watch?v=VxuYQqR1ISc\">www.youtube.com\/watch?v=VxuYQqR1IScwww.youtube.com\/watch?v=VxuYQqR1ISc<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; This morning I was on the phone with my sister Jan, asking her about a pattern I noticed in both of our lives. We grew up in a home overflowing with love, support, fun, creativity, physical affection and nurturing. We were raised with the idea that we could do or be whatever we set&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":233,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,19,94,22,4,7,52,38],"tags":[1693,1692,578],"class_list":["post-2965","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-attracting-what-you-desire","category-empowerment","category-family","category-healing","category-inspiration","category-re-creating-your-life","category-recovery","category-transformation","tag-critiholism","tag-inner-critic","tag-scott-kalechstein-grace"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Easy To Be Hard - The Bliss Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2012\/04\/easy-to-be-hard.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Easy To Be Hard - The Bliss Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"&nbsp; This morning I was on the phone with my sister Jan, asking her about a pattern I noticed in both of our lives. We grew up in a home overflowing with love, support, fun, creativity, physical affection and nurturing. We were raised with the idea that we could do or be whatever we set&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2012\/04\/easy-to-be-hard.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Bliss Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/snuggleyoga\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-04-19T03:48:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/blissblog\/files\/2012\/04\/pointing-finger-clip-art1-286x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@EdieWeinstein1\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Easy To Be Hard - The Bliss Blog","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2012\/04\/easy-to-be-hard.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Easy To Be Hard - The Bliss Blog","og_description":"&nbsp; This morning I was on the phone with my sister Jan, asking her about a pattern I noticed in both of our lives. We grew up in a home overflowing with love, support, fun, creativity, physical affection and nurturing. We were raised with the idea that we could do or be whatever we set&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2012\/04\/easy-to-be-hard.html","og_site_name":"The Bliss Blog","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/snuggleyoga","article_published_time":"2012-04-19T03:48:25+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/blissblog\/files\/2012\/04\/pointing-finger-clip-art1-286x300.jpg"}],"author":"Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@EdieWeinstein1","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2012\/04\/easy-to-be-hard.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2012\/04\/easy-to-be-hard.html","name":"Easy To Be Hard - The Bliss Blog","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2012\/04\/easy-to-be-hard.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2012\/04\/easy-to-be-hard.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/blissblog\/files\/2012\/04\/pointing-finger-clip-art1-286x300.jpg","datePublished":"2012-04-19T03:48:25+00:00","dateModified":"2012-04-19T03:48:25+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/#\/schema\/person\/edcd643a643a9ca91adb1e8f9e177386"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2012\/04\/easy-to-be-hard.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2012\/04\/easy-to-be-hard.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2012\/04\/easy-to-be-hard.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/blissblog\/files\/2012\/04\/pointing-finger-clip-art1-286x300.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/blissblog\/files\/2012\/04\/pointing-finger-clip-art1-286x300.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/2012\/04\/easy-to-be-hard.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Easy To Be Hard"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/","name":"The Bliss Blog","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Edie Weinstein","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/#\/schema\/person\/edcd643a643a9ca91adb1e8f9e177386","name":"Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/0d6\/0d6cd7619da51a9a40cc705280e88f9cx96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/0d6\/0d6cd7619da51a9a40cc705280e88f9cx96.jpg","caption":"Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW"},"description":"Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, inspiring transformational speaker, licensed social worker, interfaith minister, editor, radio host, BLISS coach, event producer, Cosmic Concierge, the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary and co-author of Embraced By the Divine: The Emerging Woman\u2019s Gateway to Power, Passion and Purpose. She has also contributed to several anthologies and personal growth books. Edie has interviewed such notables as Ram Dass, Wayne Dyer, Debbie Ford, don Miguel Ruiz, don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. Marianne Williamson, Grover Washington, Jr. Noah Levine, Shirley MacLaine, Dennis Weaver, Ben and Jerry and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. She calls herself an Opti-mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility. Edie is the founder of Hug Mobsters Armed With Love, which offers FREE HUGS events on a planned and spontaneous basis. www.opti-mystical.com.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.opti-mystical.com","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/snuggleyoga","https:\/\/x.com\/EdieWeinstein1"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/author\/eweinstein"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2965","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/233"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2965"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2965\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2973,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2965\/revisions\/2973"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2965"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2965"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/blissblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2965"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}