My father, recently admitted to hospice care, has declined further.\u00a0 People who saw him just three days ago are shocked at the difference they see today.<\/p>\n
I have been with him all morning and have been in extreme discomfort watching him.\u00a0 I can be with someone when they appear to be relatively peaceful, but when they seem agitated or in discomfort, it is very challenging for me not to get agitated myself.\u00a0\u00a0 I am a fixer!\u00a0 I want to solve the problem!\u00a0 And when I can’t, I feel anxious.<\/p>\n
As I write those words I realize that I want to cultivate inner peace so that it can radiate out to Dad and everyone else around me.\u00a0 The last thing Dad needs is to feel my anxiety, subtle though it may be.<\/p>\n
Today Dad’s arms and legs were experiencing jerky spasms, flying around in an uncontrollable way as he was lying there attempting to rest.\u00a0 I guessed that this was a symptom of Parkinson’s, but when the hospice nurse arrived she gently suggested it could be a result of the body’s chemistry getting out of whack.\u00a0 Apparently as the body breaks down, it is unable to maintain homeostasis and things start to fall apart.<\/p>\n
Fortunately, at one point I browsed through some of the hospice’s literature and I discovered a quotation from a Buddhist teacher.\u00a0 He said something to the effect of:\u00a0 You don’t have to do anything, you don’t have to say anything, simply be present.<\/p>\n
I see the wisdom in those words and there is still a part of me that rebels.\u00a0 I have to fix it!\u00a0 I have to make things better!<\/p>\n
Nevertheless, those words propelled me to investigate further.\u00a0 Here is something I found:<\/p>\n
Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, a revered Tibetan Buddhist teacher, says that when he was a boy he would experience overwhelming feelings of fear and anxiety.\u00a0 He sought advice from his wise father, a master of meditation.\u00a0 His father said, “Each and every moment, we have the opportunity to connect with a timeless awareness that is not affected in any way by the changing conditions of our lives.”<\/p>\n
Ah.\u00a0 timeless awareness.\u00a0 That sounds good.\u00a0 I read further.<\/p>\n
He said, “The only way out of suffering is to move toward it; that the path of true awakening lies in experiencing every single moment, whether pleasant or painful, with complete and unconditional love.”<\/em><\/p>\n Ahh.\u00a0 Can I be present within my discomfort?\u00a0 Can I love myself in the midst of my discomfort?\u00a0 Can I refrain from judging the discomfort as “bad”?\u00a0 Can I refrain from judging myself as flawed because I am not feeling the peace I would prefer to feel?\u00a0 Can I learn not to prefer one feeling over another but to be present with whatever it is I am feeling?<\/p>\n Phew.\u00a0 That sounds like it would be a difficult thing to learn.\u00a0 And it does sound wise.<\/p>\n Rinpoche says further: “As my father taught me so many years ago, all we have to do is embrace each experience with awareness and open our hearts fully to the present moment…. You don\u2019t need to do or say anything. When you are completely at ease with your own being, the ripples of your awareness will naturally spread out in all directions, touching the life of everyone you meet.”<\/p>\n So, perhaps I can practice noticing what I am feeling and refraining from judging it –\u00a0 ie, Now I am feeling sad.\u00a0 Now I am feeling anxious.\u00a0 Now I am feeling distracted.\u00a0 Now I am feeling the need for a break.\u00a0 Now I am feeling hungry.<\/p>\n I will still attempt to bring ease and comfort whenever I can.\u00a0 And perhaps I can attempt to accept how I’m feeling each moment without judging it as good or bad.<\/p>\n The lessons continue.\u00a0 I pray I learn them.<\/p>\n Meanwhile, bless my dear Dad, bless his caregivers, and bless all who are suffering.<\/p>\n And thank you, Rinpoche.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n *Quotations from the following source:\u00a0 http:\/\/www.elephantjournal.com\/2010\/02\/buddhist-teacher-yongey-mingyur-rinpoche-a-losar-letter\/<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My father, recently admitted to hospice care, has declined further.\u00a0 People who saw him just three days ago are shocked at the difference they see today. I have been with him all morning and have been in extreme discomfort watching him.\u00a0 I can be with someone when they appear to be relatively peaceful, but when…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":553,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[477,476,479,473,480,3,474,475,131,472,172,203,20,83,310,143,189,51,416,42,38,478],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-475","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-acceptance","category-anxiety","category-awakening","category-awareness","category-being-present","category-blessings","category-buddhism","category-buddhist-wisdom","category-comfort","category-compassion","category-death","category-discomfort","category-father","category-feeling-overwhelmed","category-hospice","category-learning","category-lessons","category-peace","category-spiritual-practices","category-spiritual-tools","category-unsettled","category-yongey-mingyur-rinpoche"],"yoast_head":"\n<\/h3>\n