{"id":657,"date":"2006-08-04T17:42:00","date_gmt":"2006-08-04T17:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/bibleandculture\/2006\/08\/humor-for-tired-parents-and-their-offspring.html"},"modified":"2006-08-04T17:42:00","modified_gmt":"2006-08-04T17:42:00","slug":"humor-for-tired-parents-and-their-offspring","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/bibleandculture\/2006\/08\/humor-for-tired-parents-and-their-offspring.html","title":{"rendered":"Humor for Tired Parents and their Offspring"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;Mary&#8221; said the teacher, &#8220;I&#8217;d like you to come up to the map and point out the Falklands.&#8221; Mary dutifully came forward and did so. Then the teacher said &#8220;Very good, now Alexander, can you tell us who discovered the Falklands?&#8221; <br \/>Alexander quickly responded: &#8220;Mary did sir!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>A father lamented the fact that all three of his children were attending college. He kept complaining he was getting poorer by degrees!<\/p>\n<p>Father to Son:  &#8220;Do you know what Abraham Lincoln was doing at your age?&#8221;<br \/>Son to Father:  No, I dont, but I know he was President at your age.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>And in the kids say the darnedest things department I offer the following actual quotes:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;No person really decides before they grow up who they&#8217;re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you are stuck with.&#8221; <br \/>Kirsten&#8211; aged 10<\/p>\n<p>How can a stranger tell if two people are married?<br \/>Demick age 8 says &#8220;You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>What are Dates for?<br \/>Lynette aged 8 says &#8220;Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>And lastly the Homer Simpson quote for today&#8212; &#8220;Don&#8217;t keep blaming yourself. Just do it once and then move on!&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;Mary&#8221; said the teacher, &#8220;I&#8217;d like you to come up to the map and point out the Falklands.&#8221; Mary dutifully came forward and did so. Then the teacher said &#8220;Very good, now Alexander, can you tell us who discovered the Falklands?&#8221; Alexander quickly responded: &#8220;Mary did sir!&#8221; A father lamented the fact that all three&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":199,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-657","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Humor for Tired Parents and their Offspring - The Bible and Culture<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/bibleandculture\/2006\/08\/humor-for-tired-parents-and-their-offspring.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Humor for Tired Parents and their Offspring - The Bible and Culture\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"&#8220;Mary&#8221; said the teacher, &#8220;I&#8217;d like you to come up to the map and point out the Falklands.&#8221; Mary dutifully came forward and did so. 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A graduate of UNC, Chapel Hill, he went on to receive the M.Div. degree from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and a Ph.D. from the University of Durham in England. He is now considered one of the top evangelical scholars in the world, and is an elected member of the prestigious SNTS, a society dedicated to New Testament studies. Witherington has also taught at Ashland Theological Seminary, Vanderbilt University, Duke Divinity School and Gordon-Conwell. A popular lecturer, Witherington has presented seminars for churches, colleges and biblical meetings not only in the United States but also in England, Estonia, Russia, Europe, South Africa, Zimbabwe and Australia. He has also led tours to Italy, Greece, Turkey, Israel, Jordan, and Egypt. Witherington has written over thirty books, including The Jesus Quest and The Paul Quest, both of which were selected as top biblical studies works by Christianity Today. He also writes for many church and scholarly publications, and is a frequent contributor to the Beliefnet website. Along with many interviews on radio networks across the country, Witherington has been seen on the History Channel, NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, The Discovery Channel, A&amp;E, and the PAX Network.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/bibleandculture\/author\/bwitherington"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/bibleandculture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/657","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/bibleandculture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/bibleandculture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/bibleandculture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/199"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/bibleandculture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=657"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/bibleandculture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/657\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/bibleandculture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=657"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/bibleandculture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=657"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/bibleandculture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=657"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}