{"id":988,"date":"2008-02-26T09:45:30","date_gmt":"2008-02-26T09:45:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/theories-about-the-origins-of.html"},"modified":"2008-02-26T09:45:30","modified_gmt":"2008-02-26T09:45:30","slug":"theories-about-the-origins-of","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/theories-about-the-origins-of.html","title":{"rendered":"Theories About the Origins of My Bipolar Disorder"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"owl.jpg\"
\nSpeaking of the day you were born. Have you ever wondered what happened the moment you were conceived????
\nI\u2019ve often contemplated the origins of my bipolar disorder.
\nI\u2019m thinking that on that fateful day when my dad\u2019s swimmers caught up with my mom\u2019s egg, an accident happened similar to the day I drove Eric\u2019s swimmers to his urologist to see if we got the green light to go for it without any form of birth control.
\nFor those who have never bought their husbands two packages of frozen corn and pees, this is how a vasectomy works: after surgery, your male gets to clean out his swimmers 25 times. You, or the lucky person who gets the job, takes the 26th batch to the urologist to see if the healthy guys are now paralyzed, disabled swimmers who couldn\u2019t catch an egg if they tried.
\nYou have two hours from the time he squirts his stuff to the hour the nice nurse behind the counter takes your brown bag and says, \u201cThank you.\u201d
\nThat\u2019s where I went wrong. I waited, of course, an hour and a half before taking the batch of Special Olympics swimmers to the doctor. So with a half hour to go, I was frantically looking for a paper bag.<\/p>\n


\nNo bags. Just the one that had been made into an owl puppet, a stupid crafts project I did with the kids after reading an article that said good moms make puppets. So I plopped Eric\u2019s guys in the owl bag and rushed to the doc.
\nThey are supposed to call within 72 hours. It had been 98. No call.
\nSo I called them. \u201cLook,\u201d I said over the phone, \u201cI dropped the guys off like five days ago. Did they swim away? They were the bad boys in an owl bag.\u201d
\n\u201cSo sorry, Ma\u2019am, but we seem to have lost that batch.\u201d
\nI made my lovely husband produce yet another school of fish, who made it safely to the home of the Terminator and were officially declared defective!!!!
\nWhat does this crazy story have to do with my conception??
\nI believe that at the moment my mom\u2019s egg was fertilized God thought he had the owl bag, the formula of wisdom, but accidentally dumped the genes of the Cuckoo Bird into my mom. Either that or my twin sister, with whom I shared the womb, stole all the good stuff and left me with the waste.
\nThat\u2019s just one theory. I have plenty of others.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Speaking of the day you were born. Have you ever wondered what happened the moment you were conceived???? I\u2019ve often contemplated the origins of my bipolar disorder. I\u2019m thinking that on that fateful day when my dad\u2019s swimmers caught up with my mom\u2019s egg, an accident happened similar to the day I drove Eric\u2019s swimmers…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-988","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"\nTheories About the Origins of My Bipolar Disorder - Beyond Blue<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/theories-about-the-origins-of.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Theories About the Origins of My Bipolar Disorder - Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Speaking of the day you were born. Have you ever wondered what happened the moment you were conceived???? I\u2019ve often contemplated the origins of my bipolar disorder. 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