{"id":917,"date":"2008-02-04T09:49:55","date_gmt":"2008-02-04T09:49:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/thereses-beatitudes.html"},"modified":"2008-02-04T09:49:55","modified_gmt":"2008-02-04T09:49:55","slug":"thereses-beatitudes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/thereses-beatitudes.html","title":{"rendered":"Therese&#8217;s Beatitudes"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Blest are you with IBS Irritable Bowel Syndrome), for you shall be able to eat nachos again.<br \/>\nBlest are you who breastfed, for you shall inherit free implants to repair all the damage.<br \/>\nBlest are you who shop at plus-sizes boutiques, you\u2019ll never have to eat a Jenny Craig dinner again.<br \/>\nBlest are you with preschoolers, Mattel has promised to stop all productions of Barbie movies.<br \/>\nBlest are you with chocolate addictions, Hershey Park shall be yours.<br \/>\nBlest are you who can\u2019t climax, Meg Ryan has recorded her superb imitation and is selling it on a CD that has husbands fooled across the country!<br \/>\nBlest are you who hate your jobs, I don\u2019t really know what to say to you.<br \/>\nBlessed are you who envy your neighbor\u2019s jeep, spouse, and brain, you will be reincarnated as him next life and find out for yourself that they aren\u2019t all that.<br \/>\nBlest are you who are depressed and panic and cry for no reason, you will end up happier and cheerier than the punk who told you to snap out of it. Ha! Go figure!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Blest are you with IBS Irritable Bowel Syndrome), for you shall be able to eat nachos again. Blest are you who breastfed, for you shall inherit free implants to repair all the damage. Blest are you who shop at plus-sizes boutiques, you\u2019ll never have to eat a Jenny Craig dinner again. Blest are you with&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-917","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-inspiration-and-prayer"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Therese&#039;s Beatitudes - Beyond Blue<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/thereses-beatitudes.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Therese&#039;s Beatitudes - Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Blest are you with IBS Irritable Bowel Syndrome), for you shall be able to eat nachos again. Blest are you who breastfed, for you shall inherit free implants to repair all the damage. Blest are you who shop at plus-sizes boutiques, you\u2019ll never have to eat a Jenny Craig dinner again. Blest are you with&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/thereses-beatitudes.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2008-02-04T09:49:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Therese's Beatitudes - Beyond Blue","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/thereses-beatitudes.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Therese's Beatitudes - Beyond Blue","og_description":"Blest are you with IBS Irritable Bowel Syndrome), for you shall be able to eat nachos again. Blest are you who breastfed, for you shall inherit free implants to repair all the damage. Blest are you who shop at plus-sizes boutiques, you\u2019ll never have to eat a Jenny Craig dinner again. Blest are you with&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/thereses-beatitudes.html","og_site_name":"Beyond Blue","article_published_time":"2008-02-04T09:49:55+00:00","author":"Beyond Blue","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/thereses-beatitudes.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/thereses-beatitudes.html","name":"Therese's Beatitudes - Beyond Blue","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#website"},"datePublished":"2008-02-04T09:49:55+00:00","dateModified":"2008-02-04T09:49:55+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#\/schema\/person\/47318cdf8063cc052eccff0c99db4e75"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/thereses-beatitudes.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/thereses-beatitudes.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/02\/thereses-beatitudes.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Therese&#8217;s Beatitudes"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/","name":"Beyond Blue","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Therese J. Borchard","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#\/schema\/person\/47318cdf8063cc052eccff0c99db4e75","name":"Beyond Blue","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/45c\/45c6e619a20a364bd981e9dda64eaa02x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/45c\/45c6e619a20a364bd981e9dda64eaa02x96.jpg","caption":"Beyond Blue"},"description":"Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet.com. She is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression &amp; Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist. You may find her at her personal blog, her website, or you may follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.","sameAs":["http:\/\/thereseborchard.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/author\/tborchard"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/917","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=917"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/917\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=917"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=917"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=917"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}