{"id":888,"date":"2008-01-28T09:45:25","date_gmt":"2008-01-28T09:45:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/marquos-butterfly-fields.html"},"modified":"2008-01-28T09:45:25","modified_gmt":"2008-01-28T09:45:25","slug":"marquos-butterfly-fields","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/marquos-butterfly-fields.html","title":{"rendered":"Marquos: Butterfly Fields"},"content":{"rendered":"

Beyond Blue reader<\/a> and group member Marquos (find his homepage here<\/a>) beautifully expresses this journey of coming to love yourself in his poem, “Butterfly Fields,” which I found on his blog (http:\/\/madspirituality.blogspot.com)<\/a>. He’s a beautiful writer, and I think many of you will be touched by his other posts as well.
\nButterfly Fields<\/strong>
\nI\u2019ve looked for myself in the eyes of the street,
\nSeeking to fill the emptiness
\nI seem to have always known
\nWith a glance, a smile and a nod
\nFrom someone I\u2019ve never known.
\nI look for some reflection
\nOf the me I hope they see.
\nI reach out with my eyes
\nTo touch someone,
\nAsk them to touch me.
\nAnd once in a while the mirror
\nIs bright and shines myself back
\nTo me.
\nMost often though,
\nThe faces just go
\nOn by.
\nAnd I wonder what it is about me
\nThat no one wants to see.
\nPerhaps I really am different,
\nOdd as I\u2019ve always thought.
\nPerhaps it shows in my face,
\nThis worthlessness I feel.
\nEmpty, odd, worthless, lonely.
\nNothing I do, no one I use,
\nNowhere I go seems to satisfy me.
\nI look deep inside and all I can find
\nIs a big black hole,
\nAnd fields of butterflies.
\nPerhaps this fluttering emptiness can\u2019t be filled
\nby anything out there.<\/p>\n


\nIt\u2019s a deep, black hole,
\nNever quite mending,
\nAlways demanding to be filled.
\nNever satisfied,
\nIt changes it\u2019s shape
\nFrom hunger to sadness to euphoria
\nTo anger to anxiety to arrogance
\nTo madness.
\nI\u2019ve sought to feed the Hole
\nWith any thing I could.
\nMy friends, my family,
\nMy youth, my future,
\nMy heart.
\nI sacrificed everything to fill it
\nAnd seemed to only feed the emptiness.
\nAnd the fields of butterflys.
\nNow I\u2019m sure this fluttering emptiness can\u2019t be filled
\nBy anything out there.
\nSo tomorrow I\u2019ll walk down the street
\nand remain inside myself.
\nPerhaps someone might wonder
\nwhat\u2019s up with me for a change.
\nI\u2019ll not look around
\nFor I know what I need can\u2019t be found
\nOut there.
\nFor what I thought was a hole
\nThat needed to be filled
\nIs actually a place,
\nWhere God has lived all along.
\nAll my demons I projected upon him
\nOdd, worthless, angy, mad demons,
\nAnd he has received all this stuff
\nAnd somehow turned it to good.
\nWhat I took for emptiness
\nWas stillness and peace,
\nThings I couldn\u2019t abide.
\nNow when I look deep inside all I see
\nAre these beautiful butterflies.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Beyond Blue reader and group member Marquos (find his homepage here) beautifully expresses this journey of coming to love yourself in his poem, “Butterfly Fields,” which I found on his blog (http:\/\/madspirituality.blogspot.com). He’s a beautiful writer, and I think many of you will be touched by his other posts as well. Butterfly Fields I\u2019ve looked…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-888","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-inspiration-and-prayer"],"yoast_head":"\nMarquos: Butterfly Fields - Beyond Blue<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/marquos-butterfly-fields.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Marquos: Butterfly Fields - Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Beyond Blue reader and group member Marquos (find his homepage here) beautifully expresses this journey of coming to love yourself in his poem, “Butterfly Fields,” which I found on his blog (http:\/\/madspirituality.blogspot.com). He’s a beautiful writer, and I think many of you will be touched by his other posts as well. Butterfly Fields I\u2019ve looked…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/marquos-butterfly-fields.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2008-01-28T09:45:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Marquos: Butterfly Fields - Beyond Blue","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/marquos-butterfly-fields.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Marquos: Butterfly Fields - Beyond Blue","og_description":"Beyond Blue reader and group member Marquos (find his homepage here) beautifully expresses this journey of coming to love yourself in his poem, “Butterfly Fields,” which I found on his blog (http:\/\/madspirituality.blogspot.com). He’s a beautiful writer, and I think many of you will be touched by his other posts as well. Butterfly Fields I\u2019ve looked…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/marquos-butterfly-fields.html","og_site_name":"Beyond Blue","article_published_time":"2008-01-28T09:45:25+00:00","author":"Beyond Blue","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/marquos-butterfly-fields.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/marquos-butterfly-fields.html","name":"Marquos: Butterfly Fields - Beyond Blue","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#website"},"datePublished":"2008-01-28T09:45:25+00:00","dateModified":"2008-01-28T09:45:25+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#\/schema\/person\/47318cdf8063cc052eccff0c99db4e75"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/marquos-butterfly-fields.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/marquos-butterfly-fields.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/marquos-butterfly-fields.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Marquos: Butterfly Fields"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/","name":"Beyond Blue","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Therese J. Borchard","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#\/schema\/person\/47318cdf8063cc052eccff0c99db4e75","name":"Beyond Blue","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/45c\/45c6e619a20a364bd981e9dda64eaa02x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/45c\/45c6e619a20a364bd981e9dda64eaa02x96.jpg","caption":"Beyond Blue"},"description":"Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet.com. She is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist. You may find her at her personal blog, her website, or you may follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.","sameAs":["http:\/\/thereseborchard.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/author\/tborchard"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/888","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=888"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/888\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=888"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=888"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=888"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}