{"id":829,"date":"2008-01-09T09:45:44","date_gmt":"2008-01-09T09:45:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/melody-beattie-on-boundaries.html"},"modified":"2008-01-09T09:45:44","modified_gmt":"2008-01-09T09:45:44","slug":"melody-beattie-on-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/melody-beattie-on-boundaries.html","title":{"rendered":"Melody Beattie on Boundaries"},"content":{"rendered":"

Melody Beattie<\/a> is a great author to read when you\u2019re having boundaries problems and are letting all sorts of people and their opinions into your core. The following excerpt is from her book, \u201cThe Language of Letting Go\u201d:<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cThere’s a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use,\u201d said one recovering woman. \u201cThe other person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing.\u201d
\nIt’s imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.
\nMuch of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior and the person gets angry and defensive. Then WE feel guilty.
\nGuilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in other people’s best interests. Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.<\/p>\n


\nWe don’t have to let others count on the fact that we’ll always feel guilty. We don’t have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt–earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self-care. Push. Push harder. [She’s talking boundaries.]
\nWe are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on appropriate treatment. We can separate another’s issues from our issues [by the way, “issues” in legal jargon means children…in case you ever get sued], and let the person experience the consequences of his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Melody Beattie is a great author to read when you\u2019re having boundaries problems and are letting all sorts of people and their opinions into your core. The following excerpt is from her book, \u201cThe Language of Letting Go\u201d: \u201cThere’s a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use,\u201d said one recovering woman. \u201cThe other person…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-829","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\nMelody Beattie on Boundaries - Beyond Blue<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/melody-beattie-on-boundaries.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Melody Beattie on Boundaries - Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Melody Beattie is a great author to read when you\u2019re having boundaries problems and are letting all sorts of people and their opinions into your core. 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