{"id":823,"date":"2008-01-06T18:11:38","date_gmt":"2008-01-06T18:11:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/selfesteem-forum-exhibit-a.html"},"modified":"2008-01-06T18:11:38","modified_gmt":"2008-01-06T18:11:38","slug":"selfesteem-forum-exhibit-a","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/selfesteem-forum-exhibit-a.html","title":{"rendered":"Self-Esteem Forum: Exhibit A"},"content":{"rendered":"

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\nI was going to wait to publish some of the letters, but, well, unlike Holly<\/a>, I did not resolve to become more patient this year. Harnessing my chocolate addiction is challenging enough. <\/a>
\nSo here is Exhibit A from our Self-Esteem Forum last Wednesday night.<\/a> Larry and Joni have graciously given me permission to publish Larry’s affirmation letter to Joni on Beyond Blue<\/a> and on the “self-esteem forum” discussion thread at Group Beyond Blue at the Beliefnet Community site.<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Joni:
\nI was secretly glad when I got you for my \u201cSelf-Esteem File\u201d letter assignment, because I thought it would be easy.
\nIn fact, it\u2019s pretty hard to pick and choose from your remarkable personal qualities. So my apology in advance for violating Mark Twain\u2019s saying that, \u201cIf I\u2019d had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.\u201d
\nFirst of all, you are a SURVIVOR. Given the personal experiences you have been through (and yes, if we are honest, some of which were of your own making, at least in part), the people who lie, cheat and steal from each other on tropical islands on CBS are pikers. You overcame profound suicidal tendencies and anxiety in the process. (And you\u2019ve lost large amounts of weight, too!!!)\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

<\/p>\n

Second, you acknowledged your addiction and found a spiritual solution. And you embrace your (fairly) new faith in Christ. I\u2019m known as the board\u2019s resident skeptic (which is only partially true \u2013 I\u2019m skeptical of organized RELIGION, but I am profoundly spiritual, a trait I guess in the ultimate sense you actually share). But the fact of the matter is, Bill Wilson and Bob Smith discovered something profound when they started Alcoholics Anonymous and, thus, the spiritual recovery movement. You have tapped into this for healing in your own life (and I use \u201chealing\u201d intentionally). And you have overcome the most difficult of addictions \u2013 when I watch the TV show \u201cIntervention,\u201d meth is more potent a high (because it has a psychological as well as physical component) than alcohol, cigarettes \u2013 I know you smoke, but progress, not perfection — marijuana, cocaine\/crack, even heroin.
\nThird, you have a built-in support network because your husband has joined you in recovery. Neither of you could have succeeded unless either you both had committed, as you did \u2013 or, alas, you had separated\/divorced. It almost doesn\u2019t matter at this point if he convinced you to join him in recovery or the other way around. Instead, you both overcame your pasts with each other\u2019s help, and set an example of fidelity in the process. (Even through some difficult health times for both of you recently!)
\nFourth, while \u2013 in honesty \u2013 an outside observer must note that it is likely your children suffered some neglect as a result of your (and your husband\u2019s) addictions, you never lashed out with the ultimate abuses you suffered, particularly sexual abuse, on them. As so many other people so victimized have tragically done, extending the cycle of abuse. And simply raising two sons while addled by addiction, to guide them to adulthood in any way, shape or form (even if one has some of the same struggles \u2013 sigh) \u2013 and to now have a grandchild! — shows remarkable strength and devotion in the midst of your own weakness as well.
\nFifth, you truly do G-d\u2019s work in caring for those with Alzheimer\u2019s. (And you have enough of a human ego to admit it, which I love about you!) I cannot tell you what a horrific experience my last visit with my grandfather before his passing was \u2013 in his rage and confusion, he literally thought I was a monster attacking him. Frankly, I don\u2019t know how you even begin to care for Alzheimer\u2019s patients just physically and logistically \u2013 let alone the emotional strength it must take. All recovery programs say one must \u201cgive back.\u201d You do in spades. (Even if it\u2019s not the best-paying job in the world and you have to fight through a bit financially as a result.) Of course \u201ccaring\u201d is your word of the year \u2013 you LIVE it.
\nSixth, you acknowledge your contradictions and struggles \u2013 and limitations. In addition to the harrowing facts of your life that you have shared, I love what you said in your profile about being a \u201ccautious and emotional\u201d person. And you are sensitive yet have a social anxiety shell around you. But of course you are \u2013 you have mental illness. And never forget that the (underlying, undiagnosed) depression, or more likely post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety\/panic attacks, caused your addictions, not the other way around. (Most scientific studies about addiction say if you had had the willpower not to take that first meth hit you were offered so many years ago, it still would have channeled itself in alcoholism or some other, perhaps more socially acceptable drug dependency.) Now that you have conquered one demon (ODAT, of course, ODAT), you are battling another, bravely. And you choose your battles wisely, as in giving up long-distance driving \u2013 you can\u2019t win them all! (Remember, I don\u2019t drive, either.) But don\u2019t, in the process, be afraid to embrace the different facets of your personality. As Walt Whitman said, \u201cDo I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.\u201d
\nSeventh, you have jumped into your new membership in Beyond Blue (and Out of the Box) with a relish and enthusiasm. (And you admit it\u2019s a bit of a \u201chigh\u201d itself \u2013 no problem, it certainly is for me!!) You use the same personal testimony of your own addiction\/depression to empathize with others, and you use the same enthusiasm and empathy that allows you to care for the most confused of people in an Alzheimer\u2019s ward (maybe because you have been in that state of confusion in drug abuse?) to comfort them. Do you realize how much courage it takes, in this cynical world, to say to someone, \u201cYou\u2019re wonderful\u201d? Never underestimate yourself. (Not that, given what you\u2019ve overcome, I think you do.)
\nEighth, you have managed to somewhat repair your relationships with their parents despite the horrific experiences you suffered as a child \u2013 yet keep enough distance to stay in your recovery. I wish I could live out your \u201cforgive but not forget\u201d philosophy in its truest sense; I run into some problems with that myself, as you might read on BB on occasion \u2026
\nNinth, you acknowledge your weakness of social anxiety \u2013 the self-honesty required in recovery. It is my hope that your online musings on Beliefnet will give you the courage to venture out into the larger world IRL (\u201cin real life\u201d). In your new faith and recovery, you will meet positive people, not the destructive influences who have followed you for much of your life \u2013 that I can promise. And speaking of friends \u2026
\nTenth and last (but not least), you have wonderful taste in Beliefnet friends. (And not just me, LOL, or on Beyond Blue in general.) Butterfly (Janie) in particular is a remarkable woman (though we all, including if not especially you, have gone through amazing life journeys) \u2013 if you have linked up with her, you\u2019re golden in my book.
\nI hope you will realize, through seeing all these (yes) wonderful traits reflected back to you, that you ARE loved unconditionally.
\nAnd not just by Christ and your family ?
\nBlessings, Larry<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was going to wait to publish some of the letters, but, well, unlike Holly, I did not resolve to become more patient this year. Harnessing my chocolate addiction is challenging enough. So here is Exhibit A from our Self-Esteem Forum last Wednesday night. Larry and Joni have graciously given me permission to publish Larry’s…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-823","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-inspiration-and-prayer"],"yoast_head":"\nSelf-Esteem Forum: Exhibit A - Beyond Blue<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2008\/01\/selfesteem-forum-exhibit-a.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Self-Esteem Forum: Exhibit A - Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I was going to wait to publish some of the letters, but, well, unlike Holly, I did not resolve to become more patient this year. 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