{"id":6338,"date":"2012-01-20T06:30:07","date_gmt":"2012-01-20T11:30:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/?p=6338"},"modified":"2012-01-07T21:09:27","modified_gmt":"2012-01-08T02:09:27","slug":"ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/01\/ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments.html","title":{"rendered":"Ronald W. Pies M.D.: Getting Detached from Our Unhealthy Attachments"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>The following is a guest blog from one of my favorite psychiatrists, Dr. Ronald W. Pies, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Tufts University School of Medicine.<\/em><\/p>\n

An old eth\u00adnic joke tells the story of the grand\u00admother who is walk\u00ading on the beach with her young grand\u00adson. Sud\u00addenly, she looks around and sees the boy a hun\u00addred feet out at sea, flail\u00ading his arms and tread\u00ading water. The woman screams for help, and a middle-aged beach\u00adcomber quickly sizes up the sit\u00adu\u00ada\u00adtion, leaps into the surg\u00ading waves, and brings the boy safely back to his mother. The grand\u00admother thanks the man for his hero\u00adism, but looks a bit annoyed. She turns to the man and says, \u201cI hate to men\u00adtion it, Mis\u00adter, but when the boy went in, he was wear\u00ading a hat!\u201d<\/p>\n

Now, the joke is usu\u00adally told to illus\u00adtrate the Yid\u00addish con\u00adcept of chutzpah\u2014roughly, \u201cnervi\u00adness\u201d or gall. But the story may also be read as a para\u00adble of what the Bud\u00addhists call \u201cattach\u00adment\u201d. The Zen teacher, Ezra Bayda, defines \u201cattach\u00adments\u201d in this way:<\/p>\n

\u201cAttach\u00adments are sim\u00adple beliefs\u2014fantasies, in fact\u2014that have become solid\u00adi\u00adfied as \u201ctruth\u201d in our mind. They also par\u00adtake of the energy of desire, which is based on the under\u00adly\u00ading belief that with\u00adout some par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar per\u00adson or thing, we can never be free from suf\u00adfer\u00ading. Attach\u00adment also takes the form of avoid\u00adance; we believe we can\u2019t be happy as long as a par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar per\u00adson, con\u00addi\u00adtion, or object is in our lives. To expe\u00adri\u00adence neg\u00ada\u00adtive attach\u00adment, just think of your least favorite food or person.\u201d*<\/p>\n

Recently, I have started to think that nearly all our per\u00adsonal, social, and soci\u00adetal prob\u00adlems are closely linked to our exces\u00adsive and irra\u00adtional attach\u00adments. Then there are those insults and brick\u00adbats that pass for polit\u00adi\u00adcal dis\u00adcourse in this country\u2014don\u2019t get me started.<\/p>\n

To be sure: up to a point, emo\u00adtional \u201cattach\u00adment\u201d is crucial\u2014without it, we would never form last\u00ading rela\u00adtion\u00adships, or under\u00adtake dif\u00adfi\u00adcult projects. It is its rigid\u00adity and inten\u00adsity that deter\u00admines whether or not a par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar attach\u00adment is patho\u00adlog\u00adi\u00adcal. As a psy\u00adchi\u00ada\u00adtrist, I have seen thou\u00adsands of patients whose suf\u00adfer\u00ading is, in part, the result of their irra\u00adtional attach\u00adments. Of course, severe psy\u00adchi\u00adatric illnesses\u2014major depres\u00adsion, schiz\u00ado\u00adphre\u00adnia, bipo\u00adlar dis\u00ador\u00adder, and others\u2014have strong bio\u00adlog\u00adi\u00adcal and genetic fac\u00adtors \u201cdri\u00adving\u201d them. It would be wrong and sim\u00adplis\u00adtic to explain these con\u00addi\u00adtions as mere instances of \u201cexces\u00adsive attachment.\u201d<\/p>\n

But even in these severe ill\u00adnesses, inap\u00adpro\u00adpri\u00adate attach\u00adment rears its head. For exam\u00adple, the indi\u00advid\u00adual with para\u00adnoid delu\u00adsions is exces\u00adsively attached to the idea that he or she is being tar\u00adgeted, mon\u00adi\u00adtored or per\u00adse\u00adcuted. The per\u00adson with obsessive-compulsive dis\u00ador\u00adder is exces\u00adsively attached to the per\u00adfor\u00admance of some anxiety-neutralizing rit\u00adual, such as check\u00ading the gas stove fifty times a day.<\/p>\n

And what is the solu\u00adtion to our exces\u00adsive attach\u00adments, in every-day life? The Bud\u00addhist mas\u00adter, Ajahn Chah (1918\u201392) finds the answer in the con\u00adcept of anicca (or anitya). This is usu\u00adally trans\u00adlated as \u201cimper\u00adma\u00adnence\u201d or \u201cuncer\u00adtainty.\u201d Ajahn Chah believed that much of our suf\u00adfer\u00ading stems from our unwill\u00ading\u00adness to accept the imper\u00adma\u00adnence of all things. Sure, we often hear the expres\u00adsions, \u201cNoth\u00ading lasts for\u00adever\u201d or \u201cEasy come, easy go\u201d\u2014but how many of us have really under\u00adstood the impli\u00adca\u00adtions of imper\u00adma\u00adnence? How many of us ever pause to con\u00adsider our own mortality?<\/p>\n

As Ajahn Chah notes, the Bud\u00addha taught us \u201c\u2026to look in the present and see the imper\u00adma\u00adnence of body and mind, of all phe\u00adnom\u00adena as they appear and cease, with\u00adout grasp\u00ading at any of it. If we can do this, we will expe\u00adri\u00adence peace. This peace comes because of let\u00adting go\u2026\u201d (from every\u00adthing arises, every\u00adthing falls away).<\/p>\n

Just imag\u00adine how pol\u00adi\u00adtics in this coun\u00adtry might change, if par\u00adti\u00adsans on all sides could \u201clet go\u201d of their rigid ide\u00adolo\u00adgies. Imag\u00adine how the ani\u00admos\u00adity between reli\u00adgious groups would dimin\u00adish. And imag\u00adine how our every\u00adday unhap\u00adpi\u00adness might melt away, if we could detach our\u00adselves from our own pre\u00adcon\u00adcep\u00adtions and prej\u00adu\u00addices. To put it a bit more humor\u00adously, con\u00adsider the advice of Rabbi Rami Shapiro: \u201cDon\u2019t take life so seriously\u2014it\u2019s only temporary!\u201d<\/p>\n

*Adapted from E. Bayda, At Home in the Muddy Water: A Guide to Find\u00ading Peace within Every\u00adday Chaos.<\/em><\/p>\n

Artwork by the talented Anya Getter.<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The following is a guest blog from one of my favorite psychiatrists, Dr. Ronald W. Pies, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Tufts University School of Medicine. An old eth\u00adnic joke tells the story of the grand\u00admother who is walk\u00ading on the beach with her young grand\u00adson. Sud\u00addenly, she looks around and sees the boy a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6338","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mental-health","category-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\nRonald W. Pies M.D.: Getting Detached from Our Unhealthy Attachments - Beyond Blue<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/01\/ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ronald W. Pies M.D.: Getting Detached from Our Unhealthy Attachments - Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The following is a guest blog from one of my favorite psychiatrists, Dr. Ronald W. Pies, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Tufts University School of Medicine. An old eth\u00adnic joke tells the story of the grand\u00admother who is walk\u00ading on the beach with her young grand\u00adson. Sud\u00addenly, she looks around and sees the boy a…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/01\/ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-01-20T11:30:07+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-01-08T02:09:27+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/2012\/01\/anya-attachment1.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Ronald W. Pies M.D.: Getting Detached from Our Unhealthy Attachments - Beyond Blue","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/01\/ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Ronald W. Pies M.D.: Getting Detached from Our Unhealthy Attachments - Beyond Blue","og_description":"The following is a guest blog from one of my favorite psychiatrists, Dr. Ronald W. Pies, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Tufts University School of Medicine. An old eth\u00adnic joke tells the story of the grand\u00admother who is walk\u00ading on the beach with her young grand\u00adson. Sud\u00addenly, she looks around and sees the boy a…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/01\/ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments.html","og_site_name":"Beyond Blue","article_published_time":"2012-01-20T11:30:07+00:00","article_modified_time":"2012-01-08T02:09:27+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/2012\/01\/anya-attachment1.jpg"}],"author":"Beyond Blue","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/01\/ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/01\/ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments.html","name":"Ronald W. Pies M.D.: Getting Detached from Our Unhealthy Attachments - Beyond Blue","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/01\/ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/01\/ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/2012\/01\/anya-attachment1.jpg","datePublished":"2012-01-20T11:30:07+00:00","dateModified":"2012-01-08T02:09:27+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#\/schema\/person\/47318cdf8063cc052eccff0c99db4e75"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/01\/ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/01\/ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/01\/ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/2012\/01\/anya-attachment1.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/2012\/01\/anya-attachment1.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/01\/ronald-w-pies-m-d-getting-detached-from-our-unhealthy-attachments.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Ronald W. Pies M.D.: Getting Detached from Our Unhealthy Attachments"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/","name":"Beyond Blue","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Therese J. Borchard","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#\/schema\/person\/47318cdf8063cc052eccff0c99db4e75","name":"Beyond Blue","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/45c\/45c6e619a20a364bd981e9dda64eaa02x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/45c\/45c6e619a20a364bd981e9dda64eaa02x96.jpg","caption":"Beyond Blue"},"description":"Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet.com. She is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist. You may find her at her personal blog, her website, or you may follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.","sameAs":["http:\/\/thereseborchard.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/author\/tborchard"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6338","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6338"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6338\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6340,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6338\/revisions\/6340"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6338"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6338"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6338"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}