{"id":6323,"date":"2012-02-14T06:00:56","date_gmt":"2012-02-14T11:00:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/?p=6323"},"modified":"2012-01-07T19:15:21","modified_gmt":"2012-01-08T00:15:21","slug":"rewire-your-brain-for-love-an-interview-with-marsha-lucas-ph-d","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2012\/02\/rewire-your-brain-for-love-an-interview-with-marsha-lucas-ph-d.html","title":{"rendered":"Rewire Your Brain For Love: An Interview with Marsha Lucas, Ph.D."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I thought I\u2019d feature an interview with a very cool licensed psychologist and neuropsychologist that I was lucky enough to meet in person at a book signing back in September. Marsha Lucas, Ph.D.,<\/a> has been practicing psychotherapy and studying the brain-behavior relationship for over twenty years. Prior to entering private practice, she was a neuropsychologist on the faculty at the Emory University School of Medicine. In other words, she was probably one of those persons in grade school that was taken aside and given more challenging work, while the rest of us (at least the one writing this blog) struggled through the regular assignments.<\/p>\n

Her newest book, \u201cRewire Your Brain for Love,\u201d<\/a> is a fascinating read because she delves into how the human brain works \u2013 or fumbles \u2013 in relationships. In other words, she explores how we developed our current relationship wiring, and, if part of that is contributing to toxic relationships, how to modify it through mindfulness meditation.<\/a> Lucas shows how a short meditation practice can result in seven key relationship benefits, including communication with yourself and others, an enhanced ability to handle fear, and being more emotionally authentic and resilient.<\/p>\n

I have to be honest. I still really struggle with meditation. I\u2019ve talked to my psychiatrist more than a few times about this, and she has consoled me that there are many forms of meditation. She thinks swimming qualifies. And THAT I can do. It forces me to breathe is a structured way, like meditation, but allows me to move as I am doing it. Something about sitting still just does not seem to work.<\/p>\n

So it is my pleasure to feature this interview with Dr. Lucas<\/a>.<\/p>\n

1. Marsha, what does mindfulness have to do with relationships? Aren\u2019t relationships about interaction and isn\u2019t meditation something you do by yourself?<\/strong><\/p>\n

You\u2019ve got an excellent point! After all, most people don\u2019t say, \u201cI\u2019m so lonely, so heartsick \u2013 I\u2019m so eager to have a partner \u2013 I know! I\u2019ll go sign up to learn meditation!\u201d But here\u2019s the synapse \u2013 the connection: Our brains are wired \u2013 or not \u2013 for healthy relationships. If, like so many people, yours is not, you can improve that wiring through the simple practice of mindfulness. Research from Harvard, UCLA, and so on have shown that changes happen in the brain when you practice mindfulness, in areas that have to do with better emotional resilience, healthier empathy, quicker recovery after an argument. I talk about those changes in terms of seven \u201chigh-\u00ad?voltage\u201d relationship benefits.<\/p>\n

2. You say that we can we \u201crewired for love.\u201d Do you mean that literally? Will a \u201crewired\u201d brain show up differently on an MRI?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes, there are actual changes in the connections and pathways in the brain. One of the ways that researchers look at this is, in fact, on what\u2019s called a \u201cfunctional MRI\u201d (fMRI for short), in which they\u2019re able to see the areas of the brain that are most active during certain tasks \u2013 like meditating; or in experienced meditators, they can look at how different parts of the brain react to, say, the sound of a crying baby. They can also measure the size of brain areas in people who meditate and compare them to non-\u00ad?meditators. Overall, the changes are seen in areas that are deeply involved in the seven high-\u00ad? voltage benefits.
\n\"\"<\/a>
\n3. You prescribe mindfulness as the antidote to the Big Enemy. What is the Big Enemy in relationships?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Big Enemy is autopilot. The mind is a wonderful thing. But when it goes on autopilot, we\u2019re it\u2019s captive. If you\u2019ve ever heard words come out of your mouth that you knew were not from your heart, your deepest, best part of yourself; if you\u2019ve ever been in an argument with your partner, where you knew that the worst of you was interacting with the worst of them \u2013 getting out of the habit of autopilot is for you. Mindfulness meditation rewires your brain so that your autopilot isn\u2019t running \u2013 and ruining \u2013 your relationship.<\/p>\n

4. Is your work about helping people find a new relationship or is it also about improving an existing one?
\n<\/strong>
\nMany of the people I see in my psychotherapy practice are coming in on their own \u2013 some are single, but some are in a relationship and having a hard time \u2013 but their partners aren\u2019t willing to come in to therapy. I also see couples who, despite their best efforts (sometimes already having tried couples\u2019 counseling), are going round and round the same old problems. The practice of mindfulness changes the neural pathways that result from mindfulness practice \u2013 and better neural pathways are the path to better relationships. That\u2019s true for those who are in a relationship, or those who want to be.<\/p>\n

5. What exactly are the benefits of mindfulness meditation?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the best way I\u2019ve found to summarize the impact of mindfulness practice on relationships:<\/p>\n

.\ta) Better management of your body\u2019s reactions
\n.\tb) Regulation of your \u201cfear\u201d response
\n.\tc) Greater emotional resilience
\n.\td) Increased response flexibility
\n.\te) Improved insight or \u201cself-\u00ad?knowing\u201d
\n.\tf) Healthier empathy and attunement \u2013 to yourself and others
\n.\tg) A perspective shift from \u201cme\u201d to \u201cwe\u201d <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve found that the growth of these seven acquirable skills \u2013 that\u2019s important: we can acquire these! \u2013 has such potent impact on our relationships with others that I call them the seven \u201chigh-\u00ad?voltage\u201d relationship benefits of mindfulness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I thought I\u2019d feature an interview with a very cool licensed psychologist and neuropsychologist that I was lucky enough to meet in person at a book signing back in September. Marsha Lucas, Ph.D., has been practicing psychotherapy and studying the brain-behavior relationship for over twenty years. 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