{"id":5360,"date":"2011-10-04T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2011-10-04T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/?p=5360"},"modified":"2015-11-30T14:46:15","modified_gmt":"2015-11-30T19:46:15","slug":"when-your-workplace-is-toxic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2011\/10\/when-your-workplace-is-toxic.html","title":{"rendered":"When Your Workplace Is Toxic"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, you always have the option of ditching the friend and moving on. However, when the environment in which you make your bread and butter damages your self-esteem and robs you of self-confidence, you can\u2019t exactly walk out… if you want to eat that night.<\/p>\n

What to do?<\/p>\n

More than a few friends have complained to me recently about toxic workplaces and their dilemma of how to live sanely within insane walls. So I thought about this more, consulted some experts, and offer a few suggestions.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

1. Keep the focus on you.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Just like you learn in a 12-step groups for friends and families of alcoholics, the only person you can totally control is yourself, so it\u2019s best to begin there. Theoretically, no one can make you feel a certain way unless you allow them to. Theoretically<\/strong> (because I, for one, would not be able to do this), if your boss screams at you for being incompetent — the biggest idiot she\u2019s ever worked with — you don\u2019t have to claim that insult. You can let it float over your head, missing your brain altogether. I think that just knowing you hold the helm of your sympathetic nervous system (which rings the alarm bells of panic in your brain) is going to give you some relief and empower you.<\/p>\n

2. Schedule daily debriefings.<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you are surrounded with folks who like to list your character defects and have made a pastime of making you feel bad, you are going to have to schedule some \u201creality checks\u201d throughout the day, where you can make your own list of character strengths, and why you are actually overqualified for this dinky little job. If you can\u2019t make that list, then make a self-esteem file<\/a>, where you ask friends to make the list for you. I suppose it\u2019s like being exposed to a cult — after awhile you see everything from their point of view. However, if you are diligent about breaking out of that culture for a few times a day to remind yourself of your own personal values, you are less likely to be sucked into the group philosophy.<\/p>\n

3. Develop a personal renewal program.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Along with your debriefings, you are going to need to develop a personal renewal program. This isn\u2019t an option, writes Robert Wicks, in his book Bounce: Living the Resilient Life,<\/em><\/a> it\u2019s an absolute necessity for your health. He writes:<\/p>\n

We must have a self-care protocol in place that we can employ as a daily guide, while being alert to rationalizations and excuses for not doing it. Not to have such a personal renewal program may court disaster for both our personal and professional lives. It is also, at its core, an act of profound disrespect for the gift of life we have been give.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

What, exactly, qualifies as a personal renewal program? Wicks gives some suggestions:<\/p>\n