{"id":5093,"date":"2011-05-25T07:30:19","date_gmt":"2011-05-25T11:30:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/?p=5093"},"modified":"2011-05-11T09:56:17","modified_gmt":"2011-05-11T13:56:17","slug":"6-reasons-why-its-good-to-be-a-loser","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2011\/05\/6-reasons-why-its-good-to-be-a-loser.html","title":{"rendered":"6 Reasons Why It’s Good to Be a Loser"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"6It was impossible to miss the white sign that hung over the wall of Saint Mary\u2019s high school lacrosse field yesterday. The thing was as tall as our two-story house with letters as big as construction cranes. With just one word: \u201cProm?\u201d On the hill behind it stood an adorable high-school junior with red roses. It would have been a perfect scene right out of a Jennifer Aniston movie… had she said yes. Ouch.<\/strong> So the poor guy packed up the humongous sign and his roses, and walked to his car with his chin buried in his chest.<\/p>\n

I wish I could have run up to him and said, \u201cThis experience will make you stronger in the long run \u2026 trust me.\u201d Because that’s not just a shallow attempt at consolation. It\u2019s absolutely true.<\/p>\n

John Grohol wrote a great piece the other day, \u201cBe the Unpopular Kid\u201d <\/a>about how those of us who were not prom queens or football quarterbacks fare well in the world, perhaps better than our popular counterparts, because we have learned life skills that cheerleaders haven\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Looking back, I\u2019m glad that I was an acne-ridden loser in junior high with a popular twin sister.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Yes, it’s true… it built character. I learned that self-assurance is available to anyone who can develop a strong sense of self in the midst of meanness and stupidity. And I don\u2019t think it\u2019s merely a coincidence that my more intelligent, interesting, and successful friends wore the big L on their foreheads during the first two decades of their lives.<\/p>\n

We really ought to celebrate our loserhood. Here are six reasons why.<\/p>\n

1. We are realistic.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Unpopular folks have low expectations, which is a very<\/strong> good thing, because they never take anything for granted. It\u2019s kind of like a boy from a third-world country walking into a supermarket to find 30 different kinds of cereals. Whoooahh! Now had the boy been brought up on the Kennedy compound with a driver who delivered him to the front door of the store so that he didn\u2019t have to amble his way out to the parking lot, poor thing, then that boy is not going to fare so well as soon as he has to go grocery shopping for the first time in college. With a budget of $5.<\/p>\n

2. We are resilient.<\/strong><\/p>\n

In a great piece called \u201cWhat Makes Us,\u201d <\/a>blogger Erika Napoletano explains why high school losers are resilient among other things: \u201cYou can kick us time and time again and we\u2019ll find ways to hide, morph, adapt and thrive.\u201d Resilience not only serves a person well for her emotional well-being, but can be the difference between success and failure in the professional world. Just like the Japanese proverb says, \u201cFall seven times, get up eight,\u201d a person who doesn\u2019t let the personal blows prevent him from pursuing his goal is the winner in the end.<\/p>\n

3. We are independent.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Popular people depend on the praise of their \u201csubjects.\u201d If you take away the loyal people who answer to them, they are not popular. So, essentially, they are a slave to others and popular opinion. Now the loser, by contrast, is completely independent. He doesn\u2019t have to rely on anyone to say what he can and can\u2019t do. If playing a trombone (like John Grohol,<\/a> sorry John) is considered a very loser thing to do, he can do it anyway, because he can’t really become any more unpopular. I suppose it\u2019s like being the least popular presidential candidate. That person can push any agenda he wants, because no one really cares about him. He\u2019s free!<\/p>\n

4. We are compassionate.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know if a prom queen would have felt a pang in her heart yesterday when that poor guy walked away rejected. But anyone who has ever experienced a similar kind of humiliation certainly would. Because, as American author Frederick Buechner, writes, \u201cCompassion is sometimes the fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else’s skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too.\u201d At my old workplace, I bonded with a fellow twin who was on my administrative team. We formed an \u201cugly twin club” and laughed about all the mean comments we had been told over the years.<\/p>\n

5. We are humble.<\/strong><\/p>\n

There is nothing uglier than arrogance. And few things are as endearing as humility. The virtue of humility lies at the heart of our humanity. It is the instrument with which we bond with each other. Every leader, in order to gain the trust of the people, must speak with humility. Every friend. Every classmate. Anyone who wants to connect with someone other than himself must operate with humility. Says Nelson Mandela: \u201cGreat peacemakers are all people of integrity, of honesty, but humility.\u201d<\/p>\n

6. We are resourceful.<\/strong><\/p>\n

When there is no one to sit next to at lunch, you learn to be creative and resourceful. Consider all the ingenious schemes that Greg Heffley designs in Jeff Kinney\u2019s bestselling book series \u201cDiary of a Wimpy Kid.\u201d<\/a> They fail, of course, leading to even more embarrassment. But if we follow the kid to adulthood, I\u2019m sure that he will be CEO of some company, or a senior software design specialist, or a really rich Hollywood screenwriter. Because his brain was trained very early on to think out of the box.<\/p>\n

Originally published on PsychCentral.com.<\/a><\/p>\n

* Click here to subscribe to Beyond Blue<\/b><\/a> and click here to follow Therese on Twitter<\/b><\/a> and click here to join Group Beyond Blue<\/b><\/a>, a depression support group. Now stop clicking.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It was impossible to miss the white sign that hung over the wall of Saint Mary\u2019s high school lacrosse field yesterday. The thing was as tall as our two-story house with letters as big as construction cranes. 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