{"id":487,"date":"2007-09-13T10:45:00","date_gmt":"2007-09-13T10:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/2007\/09\/some-manners-please.html"},"modified":"2007-09-13T10:45:00","modified_gmt":"2007-09-13T10:45:00","slug":"some-manners-please","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2007\/09\/some-manners-please.html","title":{"rendered":"Some Manners, Please"},"content":{"rendered":"

I remember the dinner conversation the night of November 4, 1980:
\n“Please pass the corn.”
\nFive minutes later: “Pass the salt.”
\nMy mom voted for Carter. My dad voted for Reagan. I headed to the bathroom.
\nThat\u2019s how I deal with conflict.
\nI can tell by the shade of Eric\u2019s cheeks when something I don\u2019t want to hear is about to escape. It\u2019s uncanny, the way my bladder fills on cue.
\n“I\u2019ll be right back.”
\nThat\u2019s where I\u2019ve been hiding out the last few days–when the Beyond Blue<\/a> debates (biological vs. spiritual, meds vs. no meds, dark night vs. clinical depression) got a tad testy (on the message boards of “College Depression<\/a>” and “The Dark Night and Clinical Depression<\/a>“)\u2014I\u2019ve been in the bathroom.<\/p>\n


\nThanks to loyal readers like Babs, who, ever so politely, asked both sides to please take their meds\/vitamins\/Chinese herbs\/Xanax and remember their manners.
\nOn the message board of “The Dark Night and Clinical Depression<\/a>,” Babs wrote this:<\/p>\n

The badgering, combative tone this blog has taken is something that I am sad to see develop. A little restraint would be much appreciated. Conversation is not what is happening now — preaching and prosletizing have taken its place. The “in your face” tone in these letters isn’t going to convince anyone of anything.
\nThere are a lot of people who write this blog to have someone to listen to them. They don’t need know-it-all problem solvers whose only interest is their own agenda. Some people use medication — some don’t. Get over it!
\nStart a blog and see how many want to read your rants about the drug conspiracies and bi-polar Jesus. Having a provocative point-of-view is fine with me, but the shouting and repetition is a huge turn-off.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019m glad that she reminded me that Beyond Blue<\/a> is a safe place for many to come to share their stories, somewhere they can be vulnerable enough to voice their beliefs, fears, insights, suspicions–a corner of cyberspace where others will honor that, even if they disagree.
\nIf Beyond Blue<\/a> was just my personal blog, I\u2019d say, “Go at it boys!” because the feisty disputes decrease my work load. All I have to do is set up the train wreck and then sit back and let it happen, like a juicy Jerry Springer show. But this isn\u2019t Jerry Springer (thank God), or even Dr. Phil, or a reality show (however, I must confess that I did collaborate once with a Hollywood producer on a show I dreamed up called “The Playgroup,” where you vote a mom and her kid off every week …. tasteless, I know, but I was desperate for cash), or a form of entertainment along those lines.
\nThis is, as Babs rightfully pointed out, a community of support, after all. And as its people-pleasing, codependent, mentally ill (did I miss anything?) moderator, I have the responsibility of doing what David\u2019s Kindergarten teacher does when her boys eat too many Twinkies and get creative with their weapon use: she takes down their angels for fifteen minutes, during which time they put the scissors, pencils, and rulers back in their appropriate drawers.
\nSome of your angels are in the bathroom right now. They don\u2019t like confrontation either.
\nSo just a gentle reminder to please remember your manners. Because I\u2019d like to come out of the bathroom, too, and eat the rest of my dinner ?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I remember the dinner conversation the night of November 4, 1980: “Please pass the corn.” Five minutes later: “Pass the salt.” My mom voted for Carter. My dad voted for Reagan. I headed to the bathroom. That\u2019s how I deal with conflict. 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