{"id":2549,"date":"2011-03-29T10:15:26","date_gmt":"2011-03-29T10:15:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/?p=2549"},"modified":"2011-03-24T15:52:00","modified_gmt":"2011-03-24T19:52:00","slug":"the-pepper-lady-what%e2%80%99s-your-obsession-really-about","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2011\/03\/the-pepper-lady-what%e2%80%99s-your-obsession-really-about.html","title":{"rendered":"The Sugar Lady: What\u2019s Your Obsession Really About?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>One of the most difficult parts of my recovery from depression and anxiety is the obsessions that can accompany a period of instability. Just when I think I\u2019ve reached a plateau of relative peace, something happens\u2014usually involving a mistake, weakness, or character defect of mine (that is, I’m a tad short of a perfect performance)\u2014and I can\u2019t let go of the obsession.<\/p>\n

Thankfully, I have very good friends repeat to me. \u201cIt\u2019s not about that. Trust me. The obsession is about something else.\u201d<\/p>\n

But while you are in that space you think they are just saying it because they are quite sick of you babbling about this one thing that has you ate up inside.<\/p>\n

Now when the tables are reversed, I can see it clear as day. <\/p>\n

When a friend of mine couldn\u2019t stop measuring his fence in the backyard, obsessing about whether or not it would meet inspection, I gently nudged him and suggested that maybe the fence wasn\u2019t the issue. Maybe the fence symbolized something else in his life that he was fretting over. When the fence obsession died down a little, he could see that.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m in that obsessing phase again. As much as I try to let it go, it\u2019s like the fence. I get out my measuring stick, adding the numbers over and over again, just like I used to do as a kid with OCD and a rosary. One more prayer and I will feel better. And so the endless cycle of obsession and compulsions went.<\/p>\n

I think it was after I repeated something like 20 times to my friend yesterday that she finally said. \u201cLet me tell you a story.\u201d<\/p>\n

There was this priest who headed a five-day retreat that I attended a few weeks ago, and he told the Story of the Sugar Lady. <\/p>\n

One day at the grocery, he picked up some sugar and there was a beautiful woman doing the same. They exchanged smiles, and she went on her way to check out. The priest followed her. Even out to the parking lot. He was mesmerized by her.<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t stop there. He would go back to the same store, to the sugar section, hoping to see her again. He began dreaming about her. He could not get her out of his mind no matter how hard he tried.<\/p>\n

He finally discussed it with his spiritual advisor. \u201cWhat do I do? I cannot let go of this obsession!\u201d <\/p>\n

The spiritual advisor said to him, \u201cIt\u2019s not about the Sugar Lady. That\u2019s obvious. What you need to do is find the holes in your life\u2014the empty pockets that are sources of suffering for you. Do that and when you come back, we will talk more about the Sugar Lady.\u201d<\/p>\n

He began to identify a few areas in his life where his needs clearly weren\u2019t met: his community life, sources of fun and recreation, a connection to family, etc. Once he identified them, he felt a tremendous sadness over him\u2026a kind of grief that took him by surprise. <\/p>\n

So he returned to the spiritual advisor with the heaviness in his heart. <\/p>\n

\u201cNow,\u201d the spiritual advisor said, \u201cgive this to God.\u201d <\/p>\n

As he asked God to take this pain from him, he felt a lightness and freedom that he hadn\u2019t felt in weeks. But the hard work was just beginning. He made a plan to try to fill in, as best as he could, the areas in his life that were barren. <\/p>\n

And he never thought about the Sugar Lady again.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If I think about it, it makes perfect sense that I would be going through a period of obsessions right now. My work life has just been turned upside down, and with the economy still affecting Eric\u2019s profession so much, we are under a substantial amount of stress. Eric is doing great as the \u201cmom\u201d of the house, but it\u2019s been a considerable adjustment, as it has for me taking a back seat to the kids\u2019 activities and carrying the pressure of producing income from a writing career (a phrase you don’t hear much). <\/p>\n

So, inspired by the Story of the Sugar Lady, I\u2019m in the process of poking around to find the various parts of my life that are in need of some filling. Thankfully I have help. From my friends and therapist and doctor and twin sister. Because what is obvious to them is not so much to me. However, unlike the priest, I\u2019m not waiting to have my list completed before giving it to God. <\/p>\n

Because I’d like to be done thinking about the Sugar Lady before tomorrow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of the most difficult parts of my recovery from depression and anxiety is the obsessions that can accompany a period of instability. Just when I think I\u2019ve reached a plateau of relative peace, something happens\u2014usually involving a mistake, weakness, or character defect of mine (that is, I’m a tad short of a perfect performance)\u2014and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2549","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-inspiration-and-prayer","category-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Sugar Lady: What\u2019s Your Obsession Really About? - Beyond Blue<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2011\/03\/the-pepper-lady-what\u2019s-your-obsession-really-about.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Sugar Lady: What\u2019s Your Obsession Really About? - Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"One of the most difficult parts of my recovery from depression and anxiety is the obsessions that can accompany a period of instability. 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