{"id":1911,"date":"2009-07-16T09:00:59","date_gmt":"2009-07-16T09:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html"},"modified":"2009-07-16T09:00:59","modified_gmt":"2009-07-16T09:00:59","slug":"try-not-to-care","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html","title":{"rendered":"The Secret Is Not to Care"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"flames<\/span>
\nI’m speculating here but I think that we freak out less about decisions–big and small–when we get to a point in our lives when we simply care less about things. That’s what Gretchen Rubin recently wrote in a wonderful post called “The Secret Is Not to Care.” <\/a>She writes:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A friend told me this story, and I’ve never forgotten it, though the following anecdote about G. Gordon Liddy may not, in fact, be true; I’ve never verified it. According to my friend, Liddy once held his hand over a candle flame until his flesh burned. Someone asked, “What’s your secret?” and he replied, “The secret is not to care.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\n

I think about this phrase constantly: “The secret is not to care.” Because if I don’t want to let certain things make me unhappy, the secret is not to care.<\/p>\n

I think this “secret” is important, because while we can’t exercise complete control over the things we care about, we can take notice, remember that some of our concerns are idiosyncratic, and try to master them where appropriate.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This rings true for me. Ironic as it is, one of the most peaceful moments I experienced was talking to my friend Mike Leach from my hospital room in Johns Hopkins psych ward.<\/a> I remember him telling me to care less … about everything except loving Eric, my kids, and a friend or two. That’s it. He said. There’s my job. Nothing else matters.<\/p>\n

I go back to that moment so often. When I wrap myself in a tizzy over the best career move or a decrease in blog traffic,<\/a> or about a major social etiquette faux pas–have had millions of those lately. I tell myself to simply care less.<\/a> (But not so much that I burn my flesh. Sorry, but that’s just stupid.)<\/p>\n

Try Gretchen’s Happiness Project Toolbox by clicking here.<\/a><\/p>\n

* Click here to <\/a>subscribe to Beyond Blue<\/a><\/b>!<\/a><\/i> And <\/i>c<\/i><\/a>lick here to follow Therese on Twitter<\/b><\/i><\/a>. And <\/i>click here to join Group Beyond Blue<\/b><\/i><\/a>, a depression support group. Now stop clicking.<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m speculating here but I think that we freak out less about decisions–big and small–when we get to a point in our lives when we simply care less about things. That’s what Gretchen Rubin recently wrote in a wonderful post called “The Secret Is Not to Care.” She writes:   A friend told me this…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1911","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Secret Is Not to Care - Beyond Blue<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Secret Is Not to Care - Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I’m speculating here but I think that we freak out less about decisions–big and small–when we get to a point in our lives when we simply care less about things. That’s what Gretchen Rubin recently wrote in a wonderful post called “The Secret Is Not to Care.” She writes:   A friend told me this…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2009-07-16T09:00:59+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/import\/imgs\/flames%20candles.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"The Secret Is Not to Care - Beyond Blue","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"The Secret Is Not to Care - Beyond Blue","og_description":"I’m speculating here but I think that we freak out less about decisions–big and small–when we get to a point in our lives when we simply care less about things. That’s what Gretchen Rubin recently wrote in a wonderful post called “The Secret Is Not to Care.” She writes:   A friend told me this…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html","og_site_name":"Beyond Blue","article_published_time":"2009-07-16T09:00:59+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/import\/imgs\/flames%20candles.jpg"}],"author":"Beyond Blue","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html","name":"The Secret Is Not to Care - Beyond Blue","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/import\/imgs\/flames%20candles.jpg","datePublished":"2009-07-16T09:00:59+00:00","dateModified":"2009-07-16T09:00:59+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#\/schema\/person\/47318cdf8063cc052eccff0c99db4e75"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/import\/imgs\/flames%20candles.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/import\/imgs\/flames%20candles.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/07\/try-not-to-care.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"The Secret Is Not to Care"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/","name":"Beyond Blue","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Therese J. Borchard","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#\/schema\/person\/47318cdf8063cc052eccff0c99db4e75","name":"Beyond Blue","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/45c\/45c6e619a20a364bd981e9dda64eaa02x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/45c\/45c6e619a20a364bd981e9dda64eaa02x96.jpg","caption":"Beyond Blue"},"description":"Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet.com. She is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist. You may find her at her personal blog, her website, or you may follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.","sameAs":["http:\/\/thereseborchard.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/author\/tborchard"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1911","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1911"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1911\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1911"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1911"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1911"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}