{"id":1645,"date":"2010-09-30T07:00:21","date_gmt":"2010-09-30T07:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html"},"modified":"2010-09-30T07:00:21","modified_gmt":"2010-09-30T07:00:21","slug":"just-say-no-10-steps-to-better","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html","title":{"rendered":"Just Say No: 10 Steps to Better Boundaries"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"NO.jpeg\"<\/span><\/p>\n

Up until recently, “No” was dirty word to me. As a stage-four people-pleaser, my vocabulary was rich with affirmatives: “yeah,” “sure,” “okay,” “absolutely,” “no problem.” But my mouth just couldn’t seem to form the consonant-vowel combination required to say “No,” even when “Yes” was simply impossible due to time conficts or just an overdose of stress in my daily life.<\/p>\n

I would get stuck at “Nnnnnnn… alright.” Which meant I was doing all kinds of things that I didn’t want to, have to, or have time to do.<\/p>\n

If you are like me, surrounded by a modest sampling of users, takers, and even well intentioned askers who could zap all your energy if you let them, take heart! Here are a few fun, simple techniques to get your mind and mouth to work in tandem to repeat after me: NO!<\/p>\n

1. Smile and shake your head.<\/strong><\/p>\n

You’ll find this, the most basic form of body language, to be a sweet, nonverbal way to communicate this sentiment: NO WAY.<\/p>\n

2. Fill your calendar<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Fill up your daily planner with prior commitments, like long, hot bubble baths. That way, you can say, “No, sorry, but I have an appointment for that evening.”<\/p>\n

3. Run out the clock.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Distract the person who’s asking for your time, change the subject, and stall until it’s time to say good-bye.<\/p>\n

4. Tape your mouth shut.<\/strong><\/p>\n

You can do this figuratively (or literally!) until you learn how to say: “no,” “nope,” “sorry,” “can’t,” or any other variation. If you don’t say anything, you can’t say, “sure, I’ll do it!”<\/p>\n

5. Let the phone ring<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Just because someone is calling doesn’t mean you have to pick up. An even better method: turn your ringer off. That way you won’t even know that you are saying no!<\/p>\n

6. Post a sign.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Think, “do not disturb,” or “personal time, thanks for understanding!” Project to those around you that you’re in privacy mode.<\/p>\n

7. Press “send.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

After you have finished composing a polite regret to yet another request by a pushy friend.<\/p>\n

8. Walk away.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Put one foot in front of the other until some distance has accumulated between you and the persistent nagger.<\/p>\n

9. Volunteer someone.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Find a better person for the job (namely, someone who has more time than you). If they can’t do it, it’s up to them to say no for themselves.<\/p>\n

10. Hide.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is a stronger version of “post a sign,” and “walk away.” If you’re still feeling tempted by “yes, I can do that” (when you really can’t), build a metaphorical fort around yourself. Become invisible and completely inaccessible until the users are gone.<\/p>\n

* Click here to subscribe to Beyond Blue<\/b><\/a> and click here to follow Therese on Twitter<\/b><\/a> and click here to join Group Beyond Blue<\/b><\/a>, a depression support group. Now stop clicking.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

how to build better personal boundaries<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1645","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\nJust Say No: 10 Steps to Better Boundaries - Beyond Blue<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Just Say No: 10 Steps to Better Boundaries - Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"how to build better personal boundaries\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2010-09-30T07:00:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/import\/imgs\/NO.jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Just Say No: 10 Steps to Better Boundaries - Beyond Blue","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Just Say No: 10 Steps to Better Boundaries - Beyond Blue","og_description":"how to build better personal boundaries","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html","og_site_name":"Beyond Blue","article_published_time":"2010-09-30T07:00:21+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/import\/imgs\/NO.jpeg"}],"author":"Beyond Blue","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html","name":"Just Say No: 10 Steps to Better Boundaries - Beyond Blue","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/import\/imgs\/NO.jpeg","datePublished":"2010-09-30T07:00:21+00:00","dateModified":"2010-09-30T07:00:21+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#\/schema\/person\/47318cdf8063cc052eccff0c99db4e75"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/import\/imgs\/NO.jpeg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/files\/import\/imgs\/NO.jpeg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2010\/09\/just-say-no-10-steps-to-better.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Just Say No: 10 Steps to Better Boundaries"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/","name":"Beyond Blue","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Therese J. 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