{"id":1643,"date":"2009-03-11T10:41:51","date_gmt":"2009-03-11T10:41:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/2009\/03\/continuing-a-friendship-after.html"},"modified":"2009-03-11T10:41:51","modified_gmt":"2009-03-11T10:41:51","slug":"continuing-a-friendship-after","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/03\/continuing-a-friendship-after.html","title":{"rendered":"Continuing a Friendship After Losing a Baby"},"content":{"rendered":"

The video post on Monday<\/a> and other posts on friendship this week<\/a> have inspired and uncovered lots of topics I hadn’t thought of … like how to continue a friendship after losing a baby.<\/a> I have heard from my friends without kids that it is VERY difficult to maintain a friendship with someone who has just given birth to a baby, because that baby is so central to the person’s like, and such a source of pain to the other friend. Monica LeMoine of Exhale magazine pens a beautiful piece about that very subject. To get to her piece click here.<\/a> Thanks to Christina Gombar whom I interviewed on the topic of infertility<\/a> for bringing it to my attention. I have excerpted the beginning.<\/p>\n

Recently, my husband and I were invited to the birthday party of
\nKelly, the daughter of our close friend Cara. “Kelly’s First Birthday
\nBash!” said the Evite in cheery orange font. At first, I checked the
\n“yes” box, for who wouldn’t want to hang out by a sunny poolside
\nand gobble Cara’s homemade cake with a bunch of jubilant kids and
\nadults, all in celebration of a beautiful blue-eyed toddler’s turning
\none!
\nBut then I saw on the invitation that another mutual friend, Nina,
\nwas also going to be present, and suddenly the event seemed less
\nappealing. Nina, who I hadn’t seen or spoken to in months, would
\nbe bringing her handsome, brown-haired son Rilo, about to turn one
\nhimself. “Rilo is looking forward to seeing his older woman
\ncelebrate her first, amazing year,” Nina wrote in her Evite response.
\nOh, barf, I thought to myself.
\nReading this seemingly benign comment – even just seeing Nina’s
\nname on the guest list – instantly made a cloud of gloom and anger
\nbegin to spread in the core of my belly. Not anger at Nina or her
\nson, both completely innocent parties in all this, but anger at the
\nwhole world for singling out me to treat unfairly. Anger at myself
\nfor being unable to let go of old feelings of resentment and self-pity,
\noutdated worries, obsolete fantasies of the person I thought I’d be
\ntoday but had failed to become. I had thought I was over all of these
\ndark feelings, having moved on with my life, but I guess not.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

To continue reading click here.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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