{"id":157,"date":"2007-03-22T18:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-03-22T18:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/2007\/03\/sorry-wrong-number.html"},"modified":"2007-03-22T18:00:00","modified_gmt":"2007-03-22T18:00:00","slug":"sorry-wrong-number","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2007\/03\/sorry-wrong-number.html","title":{"rendered":"Sorry, Wrong Number"},"content":{"rendered":"

I dialed a number the other day, and got the following recording:<\/p>\n

“I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”<\/p>\n

Not really. I mean, I didn’t get that on a voicemail. My twin sister e-mailed it to me because she knows that I am constantly struggling with boundary issues.<\/p>\n

Even in the psych ward, where you’d think you could take a brief vacation from relationship complications, I had to deal with Frank, the mentally-disabled teenager who insisted that we hook up at the mall after we both were discharged.<\/p>\n

One afternoon in OT (occupational therapy, or “recess” in a psych unit), he told me I looked like Jennifer Lopez<\/a>, which is as accurate as saying O.J. Simpson<\/a> is Mel Gibson’s<\/a> identical twin (there is nothing Hispanic about this Irish-English-Swedish-German chick). A few minutes later, as I was painting my ceramic butterfly, he handed me an ad for Gerber<\/a> baby food in “Parenting<\/a>” magazine.<\/p>\n

“That’s what our baby would look like,” he said.<\/p>\n

I took a deep breath. “Frank,” I responded, “I’m very flattered by your interest in me. Truly I am, because I enjoy your company very much. But while I’m here, I really need to concentrate on not killing myself. Do you understand?”<\/p>\n

After the nurses gave him a time-out, that boundary issue was settled.<\/p>\n

Currently I’m trying to retract some well-intentioned but irresponsible words I spoke a few months ago, when I gave my bleeding heart a voice (never a good idea). <\/p>\n

A lady who lives behind me has severe arthritis and is in a lot of pain. She also suffers from depression. One day I took her out to lunch, gave her a big hug and said, “If you ever need to talk, come on over.”<\/p>\n

So she did. Almost every day. I began driving her to prayer group and on errands, responsibilities I didn’t need on top of packing 20 working hours into ten hours of child care, taking my mother-in-law out once a week, volunteering at the kids’ school, driving the kids to all their play dates and activities, and attempting to say hello to Eric every once and awhile.<\/p>\n

As usual, my body scolded me–I got sick–and advised that I erect some boundaries ASAP before I catch something more serious than a cold.<\/p>\n

Did I march over to the woman’s house and tell her, “I’m sorry, but what I really meant was that you are more than welcome to come knock on my door once or twice a month and stay for about a half hour”?<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

“Kids, we have a new policy when someone comes to the door,” I said as I pulled down the blinds to the window in the foyer. “We wait until mommy peeks out of the kitchen window to see if it’s safe to answer it. Understood?”<\/p>\n

“So that we don’t open the door for any bad people?” David asked. <\/p>\n

“Well, kind of like that,” I answered.<\/p>\n

This is the pansy’s way of erecting boundaries. But, like the phone message my sister sent me, it does the trick.<\/p>\n

P.S. There really is a rejection hotline. If you meet someone and don’t want to see that person again, give him or her this number: (703) 912-1725<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I dialed a number the other day, and got the following recording: “I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. 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