{"id":1560,"date":"2009-04-07T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-04-07T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue\/2009\/04\/real-simple-learn-how-to-say-n.html"},"modified":"2009-04-07T09:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-04-07T09:00:00","slug":"real-simple-learn-how-to-say-n","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/04\/real-simple-learn-how-to-say-n.html","title":{"rendered":"Real Simple: Learn How to Say No"},"content":{"rendered":"

Real Simple has a good, practical article on how to say “no.”<\/a> Not that I intend to follow any of the advice. But Duke Robinson, author of “Too Nice for Your Own Good” <\/a>lays out a few awkward situations, and how you can break free of getting stuck doing something, or paying for something you don’t want to. The one on saying “no” for the sake of your wallet was good for me, since recently I’ve been in that uncomfortable position where I have to tell friends that I can’t afford to eat at the elegant bayside restaurant. The cheap diner will do just fine, thanks. Here is Robinson’s advice for that situation.<\/p>\n

Request: A friend in need asks for a Trump-worthy loan.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\n

What You Should Say:<\/strong> “I wish I could, but as a rule, I don’t lend money to friends.”<\/p>\n

Why It Works:<\/strong> It’s clear that you are not singling out this person as untrustworthy.<\/p>\n

Why You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty:<\/strong> Lending any amount of money can cause problems, says Don Gabor, a communications trainer and the author of “Words That Win”<\/a>: “It can change the nature of your relationship if the person doesn’t pay you back.”<\/p>\n

How to Avoid the Situation in the Future:<\/strong> Never lend money to friends and you won’t get a reputation as a walking, breathing ATM.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Another tricky money situation …<\/p>\n

Request: A coworker wants you to chip in $25 for a gift for a colleague you wouldn’t recognize at the watercooler.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\n

What You Should Say<\/strong>: “Oh, I’ve never really had a conversation with Sam. I think I’ll just wish him a happy birthday in person.”<\/p>\n

Why It Works:<\/strong> Chances are, the person taking donations has no idea how close you are (or are not) with the intended recipient. By clarifying the nature of your relationship — and emphasizing your intention to get to know the person better — you come across as thoughtful rather than cheap.<\/p>\n

Why You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty:<\/strong> “A gift isn’t a gift if it’s an obligation,” say etiquette writers Kim Izzo and Ceri Marsh, authors of “The Fabulous Girl’s Guide to Grace Under Pressure.”<\/a><\/p>\n

How to Avoid the Situation in the Future:<\/span> If workplace gift giving is getting out of hand, take the lead in restoring sanity by circulating a card before someone can break out the gift-donation plate. Make sure others know you don’t expect anything on your birthday.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

To read about the other situations, check out the full article by clicking here.<\/a><\/p>\n

To read more Beyond Blue, go to http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beyondblue<\/a>, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

To subscribe to “Beyond Blue” click here.<\/a><\/p>\n

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Real Simple has a good, practical article on how to say “no.” Not that I intend to follow any of the advice. But Duke Robinson, author of “Too Nice for Your Own Good” lays out a few awkward situations, and how you can break free of getting stuck doing something, or paying for something you…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1560","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"\nReal Simple: Learn How to Say No - Beyond Blue<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beyondblue\/2009\/04\/real-simple-learn-how-to-say-n.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Real Simple: Learn How to Say No - Beyond Blue\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Real Simple has a good, practical article on how to say “no.” Not that I intend to follow any of the advice. 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