{"id":9845,"date":"2015-01-28T16:20:37","date_gmt":"2015-01-28T21:20:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/?p=9845"},"modified":"2015-01-28T16:20:37","modified_gmt":"2015-01-28T21:20:37","slug":"some-periods-you-just-breathe-through","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/01\/some-periods-you-just-breathe-through.html","title":{"rendered":"some periods you just breathe through…"},"content":{"rendered":"
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At times like this, I don’t know what I’d do w\/out\u00a0tonglen<\/a><\/em>. When I’m grieving for a loved one’s unhappiness, or breathing through my own, I remember: all over the world there is suffering.<\/p>\n

I know – how hokey is that? But you know what? It helps. Every time, it saves me. This week several dear friends had very bad news — each different, each devastating: loss, critical health issues… The dark threads of life’s tapestry, as I said the other day<\/a>. Law suits, and battling greed that victimises the helpless, are\u00a0never easy. Make the victim a beloved family member, and it’s even harder.<\/p>\n

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So practicing tonglen<\/em> — breathing deeply into my own grief & pain, and remembering all the people in the world who share that kind of pain — is a way of at least feeling I”m not wallowing. I acknowledge how much this hurts, damn it! And then? I remember that I can breathe for those others, and use my pain as a way to do so. Taking on a bit of their grief, and breathing out comfort — even joy — for them. Whether it’s loss of a loved one, life-altering illness, an ugly court battle…whatever, I can take the heavy lead of that sorrow, that hurt, and perform a kind of alchemy. Turn it to the warm gold of comfort.<\/p>\n

It’s not easy, I know. But right now, as I breathe through a very hard few days, I’m grateful. NOT for the pain (I’m no masochist!), but for this practice taught by so many wisdom traditions. Years ago, as a \"compassion\"<\/a>very young woman, I remember reading one of my favourite authors — the English Catholic Elizabeth Goudge. She spoke of ‘offering up’ our pain, a venerable Christian tradition. It’s the same thing, I suspect. Transmuting the base metal of pain & grief into the honeyed gold of love.<\/p>\n

Because love is what animates\u00a0tonglen<\/i>. As it’s love that grounds compassion, which is really another word for sharing another’s grief. And it’s love that says — your grief is mine. We are far more alike than different, each of us caught in this very human web of suffering, wishing things weren’t the ways they are\u00a0…<\/p>\n

And as I contemplate unattachment — that elusive Buddhist quality of not clinging to what\u00a0should<\/em> be — I realise just how far away my attainment of it is. I’m sooo not okay w\/ the grief of my loved ones. I want to FIX IT. So\u00a0tonglen\u00a0<\/em>is a wonderful gift. No, I can’t\u00a0reeaaaalllly<\/em> fix it. But I can breathe for you, each of you. And that’s a start.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

At times like this, I don’t know what I’d do w\/out\u00a0tonglen. When I’m grieving for a loved one’s unhappiness, or breathing through my own, I remember: all over the world there is suffering. I know – how hokey is that? But you know what? It helps. Every time, it saves me. This week several dear…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":398,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,30,397,157],"tags":[11,1181,1187,262,1185,1250,1193,1281,1225],"class_list":["post-9845","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-compassion","category-grieving","category-love","category-tonglen","tag-beginners-heart","tag-britton-gildersleeve","tag-buddhism","tag-buddhist-blogs","tag-compassion","tag-gratitude","tag-grieving","tag-love","tag-tonglen"],"yoast_head":"\nsome periods you just breathe through... - Beginner's Heart<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"At times like this, I don't know what I'd do w\/out\u00a0tonglen. 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