{"id":9817,"date":"2015-01-22T22:04:50","date_gmt":"2015-01-23T03:04:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/?p=9817"},"modified":"2015-01-22T22:09:13","modified_gmt":"2015-01-23T03:09:13","slug":"more-on-time-and-acceptance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/01\/more-on-time-and-acceptance.html","title":{"rendered":"more on time (and acceptance)"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"the<\/a>
the author’s<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I was thinking today about how much I dislike meditating. Not the actual act, but the resistance I have to just doing it. KNOWING that sometime during the day, I should take out the time to sit down and breathe. Now really: how\u00a0hard<\/em> is that??<\/p>\n

Hard. As hard as adult tonsillectomies. As hard as graduate school. As hard as anything the didn’t involve someone actually dying. And I’m maybe only 1\/4 kidding…<\/p>\n

Unlike preparing for my niece’s shower<\/a>, I can’t seem to get in to the idea of meditation. Believe me, I\u00a0know\u00a0<\/em>the benefits: health, peace, happiness. Focus, clarity, love.\u00a0ad infinitum.\u00a0<\/em>But I still can’t make it ‘fun.’<\/p>\n

So today, I read some on meditation. Wondering how to meet this resistance w\/ compassion. Treating our own selves with understanding & sympathy is, as I’ve written many times, hard. But resisting the basic building block of Buddhism?? I don’t get to do that. ‘Just do it’ is one option, of course. That’s\u00a0what happens many days. Still, I’d like to understand just\u00a0why<\/em> this is so difficult for me (even though all the lit says it’s hard for everyone, I’m sure I’m the worst one ever… \ud83d\ude42 )<\/p>\n

Part of it is that I’m not used to having time. I squander it, I know — sit in the sun on the deck, when it’s even a bit warm, and just bask in the light. Eat poetry<\/a>, as Mark Strand said. Colour w\/ pencils, bake, drink tea. Daydream. These all seem so very important. And so they are. And there’s time, now, for all of this. Which has never ever been the case. Maybe I can accept that.<\/p>\n

Acceptance is the key. I need to work on accepting my unloveably fallible resistance. Because how weird is resisting the resistance, as my guided meditation the other reminded me? That’s what I’m doing, I realise (it only took me 3 days of resisting to figure this out!). And to accept something you don’t like about yourself is a whole other level of ‘letting go.’<\/p>\n

What is there in your life that you resist? What would happen if you just said,\u00a0yep. That’s really really hard, and I hate it.\u00a0<\/em>And then forgave yourself for feeling cranky, but STILL DID the thing that caused you all the crazy?<\/p>\n

I’m not sure what will happen. But that’s my goal this next few months: let go of resisting the resistance, and just accept that I’m not happy about meditating. And\u00a0still do it.\u00a0<\/em>We’ll see what happens.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was thinking today about how much I dislike meditating. Not the actual act, but the resistance I have to just doing it. KNOWING that sometime during the day, I should take out the time to sit down and breathe. Now really: how\u00a0hard is that?? Hard. As hard as adult tonsillectomies. As hard as graduate…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":398,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[699,199,256,935],"tags":[1342,11,1181,1187,262,1387],"class_list":["post-9817","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-acceptance","category-letting-go","category-meditation","category-resistance","tag-acceptance","tag-beginners-heart","tag-britton-gildersleeve","tag-buddhism","tag-buddhist-blogs","tag-resistance"],"yoast_head":"\nmore on time (and acceptance) - Beginner's Heart<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I was thinking today about how much I dislike meditating. Not the actual act, but the resistance I have to just doing it. 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