{"id":8527,"date":"2014-05-17T15:46:29","date_gmt":"2014-05-17T19:46:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/?p=8527"},"modified":"2014-05-17T15:46:29","modified_gmt":"2014-05-17T19:46:29","slug":"why-good-manners-matter-even-online","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2014\/05\/why-good-manners-matter-even-online.html","title":{"rendered":"why good manners matter even online"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"etiquette\"<\/a>
via Google<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I’m often apalled by what people say to each other on Facebook.\u00a0 And the comments to online articles? Wow. My Aunt Bonnie would have washed my mouth out with soap!<\/p>\n

So I ask myself: what’s up w\/ folks who are sooo hateful? Are they like that in person? And of course, they’re (usually) not. Because according to at least one researcher<\/a>, folks forget they’re basically thinking out loud.<\/p>\n

It’s what my students and I used to call the ‘underwear’ effect.<\/p>\n

\"good<\/a>
via Google<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Anyone in his or her underwear can put up a website, or comment online. You don’t have to know zip-all about the topic. You just need a computer and a power source, and you too can be a self-proclaimed expert.<\/p>\n

And that’s the problem. We forget (myself included, here!) that we’re NOT experts. Heck, what I know about many many topics could be easily held in an eyedropper! But…that doesn’t mean I won’t have an opinion. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

Opinions aren’t facts, although ideally they start w\/ facts. But especially if they don’t — should they happen to begin in faith or wisdom traditions — then we really<\/em> need to be respectful of each other. I try to remain calm when others disagree with me. As long as they <\/em>don’t make it personal. Because if you try to bolster your opinion by accusing a disagreer of various behaviours (‘vilification’ was the most recent one, because a friend said she didn’t support Paul Ryan’s budget), you are NOT a nice person. And not only will I know that, I”ll probably also decide your position is highly questionable. Unless you’re pretty lucky, and I happen to already know something about it.<\/p>\n

\"kindness\"<\/a>
via Google<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

So here’s a thought: let’s pretend that all online forums are F2F (face-to-face, for those of us who retain our non-digital passports). Let’s treat each other w\/ the respect & courtesy we’d offer a traveler on the bus, or in the airplane seat next to us. Life is hard enough — why not be kind w\/ one another? Even if the person YELLING is an utter idiot (and I use the term advisedly), doesn’t s\/he deserve kindness? Don’t we all?<\/p>\n

Who knows? You might even get your point across… \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m often apalled by what people say to each other on Facebook.\u00a0 And the comments to online articles? Wow. My Aunt Bonnie would have washed my mouth out with soap! So I ask myself: what’s up w\/ folks who are sooo hateful? Are they like that in person? And of course, they’re (usually) not. Because…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":398,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[800,294],"tags":[11,1181,1187,262,801,1363,802],"class_list":["post-8527","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-good-manners","category-kindness","tag-beginners-heart","tag-britton-gildersleeve","tag-buddhism","tag-buddhist-blogs","tag-facebook","tag-good-manners","tag-online-etiquette"],"yoast_head":"\nwhy good manners matter even online - Beginner's Heart<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I'm often apalled by what people say to each other on Facebook.\u00a0 And the comments to online articles? Wow. 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