{"id":6131,"date":"2013-06-24T23:30:27","date_gmt":"2013-06-25T03:30:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/beginnersheart\/?p=6131"},"modified":"2013-06-24T23:30:27","modified_gmt":"2013-06-25T03:30:27","slug":"wonder-and-loving-strangers-even-mean-ones","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2013\/06\/wonder-and-loving-strangers-even-mean-ones.html","title":{"rendered":"wonder, and loving strangers (even mean ones??) ~"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"image\"<\/a>My grandson — one month old, today! — cries when I hold him. A LOT of the time. It’s embarrassing. Not to mention depressing. I do NOT have this grandmother thing down. Tonight my son & DIL are out to dinner. I have Trinidad. And after a devastating explosion of screaming, he finally let me rock him to sleep. We’re both exhausted…<\/p>\n

So what do I do when he cries? Well, I practice beginner’s heart. Really. I think love at him, try to breathe through my spiralling heartbeat, and rock him gently. Listen to my son & DIL for advice about what works for them. Try to find m own way. And it’s HARD.<\/p>\n

Not because I don’t adore my grandson, obviously. Just today I watched him as we sat outside, in the misty Portland morning. His large eyes followed the watery sunlight, full of wonder. That’s a whole other lesson<\/p>\n

No, it’s hard because I want to fix it. I want to save the day. Make him happy. Instead, I can offer him a bottle of mother’s milk. But he’s way smart enough to realise that I’m not his mother. Or his dad, a close second. And Mom & Dad are \u00a0what he wants. He can go from a sweet puddle on his mother’s lap, or a smiling coo in his daddy’s arms, to a stiff howling monkey prince in mine, arms & legs whirling. Again, talk about embarrassing…(and did I mention depressing?)\"image\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Digression: My son says I like everyone. But he’s crazy :). I do NOT love everyone. No way, not even close. \u00a0I do try to have compassion for them. Even the mean, horrible ones (knowing even as I write this —\u00a0who am I to judge?\u00a0<\/em>But I do. I think people who want to cut education and the arts and help for the less blessed are mean-spirited. Cut war, folks. Cut your salaries, if you make more than $200,000.00 annually. Who NEEDS more than that??<\/p>\n

See? I just go off…<\/p>\n

So today’s post is about how I work on that. Because it’s HARD. Even HARDER than being calm for Trinidad, and not taking a baby’s vagaries personally — just trying to be there, and learn. And I forget ALL THE TIME. What helps most — with Trinidad and the world at large — is\u00a0tonglen.\u00a0<\/em>Breathing — both for Trinidad and for folks I can’t stand. Remembering (in the case of my beloved grandson) that he will grow, and that I’m NOT his mother. I am only who I am, and \u00a0sometimes that’s just not what’s needed. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

\"image\"<\/a>As for folks who make me crazy? Who can’t stand my beliefs, whose values war with my own? Well,\u00a0I can’t stand them either. So I think about how that makes me feel. Because when I breathe for others, what happens is that I really heal myself. Ideally I’m healing all of us, breathing in the pain and dislike and fear that feeds on polarisation. Breathing out compassion, peace. Balance.<\/p>\n

With Trinidad, it’s hard enough. Not because I don’t love him enough ( \ud83d\ude42 ). But because of my own ego, my fears, my baggage. So when I hold him, and he howls, I breathe. Deeply. Steady. Reminding myself that I may not be what he wants, but I can still be here. Full of love, breathing. I think that’s excellent beginner’s heart ~<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My grandson — one month old, today! — cries when I hold him. A LOT of the time. It’s embarrassing. Not to mention depressing. I do NOT have this grandmother thing down. Tonight my son & DIL are out to dinner. I have Trinidad. And after a devastating explosion of screaming, he finally let me…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":398,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[552,15,37,314,265],"tags":[11,1181,1187,262,566,1247,1225],"class_list":["post-6131","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-beginners-heart-2","category-compassion","category-family","category-friendship","category-lovingkindness","tag-beginners-heart","tag-britton-gildersleeve","tag-buddhism","tag-buddhist-blogs","tag-loving-strangers","tag-lovingkindness","tag-tonglen"],"yoast_head":"\nwonder, and loving strangers (even mean ones??) ~ - Beginner's Heart<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My grandson -- one month old, today! -- cries when I hold him. A LOT of the time. It's embarrassing. Not to mention depressing. 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