{"id":10976,"date":"2015-10-28T19:01:44","date_gmt":"2015-10-28T23:01:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/?p=10976"},"modified":"2015-10-28T19:01:44","modified_gmt":"2015-10-28T23:01:44","slug":"the-names-of-the-dead-are-ghosts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/10\/the-names-of-the-dead-are-ghosts.html","title":{"rendered":"the names of the dead are ghosts"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"via<\/a>
via flickr<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

A couple of weeks ago I upgraded my phone. Which meant shifting contacts. And as there was a major update on my desktop as well, it seemed a good idea to go through my directory. Because people die.<\/p>\n

And it takes YEARS before I can bring myself to ‘delete’ them. And yes, I realise they’ve already been ‘deleted.’ That their names, without phone reception beyond the grave, will never again respond to a call, to a note, to anything at all. I really do get all that.<\/p>\n

Sort of.<\/p>\n

Perhaps because I moved so often\u00a0for so\u00a0much of my life, I have an\u00a0I just haven’t seen\u00a0them\u00a0<\/em>recently\u00a0<\/i>default. So my dearly lamented friend Carol is really just out-of-pocket, not disappeared completely from my life. And Larry, who watched me grow from a giddy 18-year-old to a still giddy, but at least more literate, mother of 2 grown men…? We just aren’t good correspondents. Same with Judy, who sent me cookies & green tea from her\u00a0time teaching in Japan.<\/p>\n

\"via<\/a>
via harney.com<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

None of them are\u00a0really<\/em> gone, I delude myself. Just… hung up doing stuff, as we all get.<\/p>\n

But the truth is that death is, at least for me, an ending. Not a religious beginning, as it is for some. I don’t know what does happen when we die, but as far as I can tell? No one has come back to touch base. Unless you count my own dreams, which I don’t trust at all…. \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n

So I try to assuage my griefs by telling the friends & family I still have how much I love them (my elder son accused me of being ‘gooey’!). I warn them\u00a0mushy moment<\/em>, and try to be as specific as possible. They roll their eyes, and a few (you know who you are!) give me a hug. Mostly they roll their eyes…<\/p>\n

But I know this: that someday, their names will be ghosts in my address book, my contacts file, my cell directory. And I will have to figure out if I’m ready, yet, to do that oh-so-Buddhist ‘letting go’ thing. This time — years after I lost her — I laid Judy to rest, and Larry. Carol, however… Carol is still just out of touch for a while. I can’t quite bring myself to acknowledge we’ll never ride the bus again, and giggle about the characters we meet.<\/p>\n

My advice to you? Take time to talk to the folks you love. They really aren’t invincible, nor immortal. But love, that pseudo-fragile winged creature, almost is. It’s just that there’s no one — even when the ghosts linger in names — to hear our hearts beat at its behest.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A couple of weeks ago I upgraded my phone. Which meant shifting contacts. And as there was a major update on my desktop as well, it seemed a good idea to go through my directory. Because people die. And it takes YEARS before I can bring myself to ‘delete’ them. And yes, I realise they’ve…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":398,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[325,199,380],"tags":[11,1181,1187,262,289,1233,1278],"class_list":["post-10976","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-death","category-letting-go","category-mortality","tag-beginners-heart","tag-britton-gildersleeve","tag-buddhism","tag-buddhist-blogs","tag-death-and-buddhism","tag-letting-go","tag-mortality"],"yoast_head":"\nthe names of the dead are ghosts - Beginner's Heart<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A couple of weeks ago I upgraded my phone. 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