{"id":10135,"date":"2015-03-24T17:27:10","date_gmt":"2015-03-24T21:27:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/?p=10135"},"modified":"2015-03-24T17:27:10","modified_gmt":"2015-03-24T21:27:10","slug":"the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/03\/the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose.html","title":{"rendered":"the family you have, the family you choose"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"the<\/a>
the author’s<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I am very lucky: I have a relatively large network of family. Three sisters, a brother-in-law who’s great, lots of nieces & nephews, even two aunts still living.<\/p>\n

I also have a large family-of-the-heart: BFFs, ersatz brothers, cousins, and just folks who feel like family. Each as different from the others as gardenias from roses, but all necessary to me.<\/p>\n

This past few days, my ‘brother’ has been in town, w\/ his wonderfully funny & creative wife (my ‘sister-in-law’), and their astoundingly smart, witty, and beautiful three daughters. We were able to get together each day of their short trip, and I was happier than…teddy bears? What IS the happiest of beings, anyway? (I’m banking on domestic cats, myself…)<\/p>\n

More seriously, the family we choose — those friends we love as dearly as if we shared bloodlines — are perhaps more important than those we ‘have.’ To paraphrase Robert Frost,\u00a0family is who has to take you in<\/em>. I know: it doesn’t always work that way. But there is a kind of explicit responsibility that blood dictates, for most of us. We don’t badmouth family — even if they’re as mean as crimped snakes.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
the author’s<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Whereas the family we choose? Each time we meet, it’s a gift — given from love & shared memories and passions. How cool is that? My brother-of-the-heart, and his dear dear wife, are the perfect examples. I’ve known him all my adult life — he introduced me to my beloved, in fact. And she is the wife I would have chosen for him, had I been all-wise and all-powerful. Their three girls almost convinced me to adopt, even though I knew in my heart that I was really too old & tired for a baby, however wonderful. These girls, let me tell you, are darn near perfect.<\/p>\n

All five of them remind me how much happiness — and being w\/ people whom you love — influences your state of being. After a day w\/ the group, I’m a better person: trying to learn to be more friendly, more caring, more of a listener, and less of a story-teller (I soooo love stories!). And I can do that — although not well! — best w\/ my families. The good news is that no matter how giddy or caffeinated I am, they do take me in. I\u00a0ove them all dearly. And the best news of all? They love me back.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am very lucky: I have a relatively large network of family. Three sisters, a brother-in-law who’s great, lots of nieces & nephews, even two aunts still living. I also have a large family-of-the-heart: BFFs, ersatz brothers, cousins, and just folks who feel like family. Each as different from the others as gardenias from roses,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":398,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[11,1181,1187,262,1195,975,976],"class_list":["post-10135","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family","tag-beginners-heart","tag-britton-gildersleeve","tag-buddhism","tag-buddhist-blogs","tag-family","tag-family-of-choice","tag-family-of-the-heart"],"yoast_head":"\nthe family you have, the family you choose - Beginner's Heart<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I am very lucky: I have a relatively large network of family. Three sisters, a brother-in-law who's great, lots of nieces & nephews, even two aunts\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/03\/the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"the family you have, the family you choose - Beginner's Heart\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I am very lucky: I have a relatively large network of family. Three sisters, a brother-in-law who's great, lots of nieces & nephews, even two aunts\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/03\/the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Beginner's Heart\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-03-24T21:27:10+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/files\/2015\/03\/Mckees-us-philbrook-2-2014-300x260.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Britton Gildersleeve\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"the family you have, the family you choose - Beginner's Heart","description":"I am very lucky: I have a relatively large network of family. Three sisters, a brother-in-law who's great, lots of nieces & nephews, even two aunts","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/03\/the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"the family you have, the family you choose - Beginner's Heart","og_description":"I am very lucky: I have a relatively large network of family. Three sisters, a brother-in-law who's great, lots of nieces & nephews, even two aunts","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/03\/the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose.html","og_site_name":"Beginner's Heart","article_published_time":"2015-03-24T21:27:10+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/files\/2015\/03\/Mckees-us-philbrook-2-2014-300x260.jpg"}],"author":"Britton Gildersleeve","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/03\/the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/03\/the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose.html","name":"the family you have, the family you choose - Beginner's Heart","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/03\/the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/03\/the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/files\/2015\/03\/Mckees-us-philbrook-2-2014-300x260.jpg","datePublished":"2015-03-24T21:27:10+00:00","dateModified":"2015-03-24T21:27:10+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/#\/schema\/person\/b4348bfbe2223c0ec325db830aa95f52"},"description":"I am very lucky: I have a relatively large network of family. Three sisters, a brother-in-law who's great, lots of nieces & nephews, even two aunts","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/03\/the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/03\/the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/03\/the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/files\/2015\/03\/Mckees-us-philbrook-2-2014-300x260.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/files\/2015\/03\/Mckees-us-philbrook-2-2014-300x260.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/2015\/03\/the-family-you-have-the-family-you-choose.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"the family you have, the family you choose"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/","name":"Beginner's Heart","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Britton Gildersleeve","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/#\/schema\/person\/b4348bfbe2223c0ec325db830aa95f52","name":"Britton Gildersleeve","description":"Britton Gildersleeve is a 'third culture kid.' Years spent living on the margins - in places with exotic names and food shortages - have left her with a visceral response to folks \u2018without,\u2019 as well as a desire to live her Buddhism in an engaged fashion. She\u2019s a writer and a teacher, the former director of a federal non-profit for teachers who write. She believes that if we talk to each other, we can learn to love each other (but she's still learning how). And she believes in tea. She is (still) working on her beginner's heart ~","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/author\/brittongildersleeve"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10135","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/398"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10135"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10135\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10142,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10135\/revisions\/10142"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10135"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10135"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/beginnersheart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10135"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}