{"id":676,"date":"2017-10-22T14:09:56","date_gmt":"2017-10-22T14:09:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/becausethisisyourlife\/?p=676"},"modified":"2017-10-22T14:10:03","modified_gmt":"2017-10-22T14:10:03","slug":"much-life-negotiation-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/becausethisisyourlife\/2017\/10\/much-life-negotiation-2.html","title":{"rendered":"How Much Of Your Life Is A Negotiation?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You see this everyday.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s at your workplace&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>In your family&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Among your friends&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>And for that matter it&#8217;s everywhere&#8230;even in your own mind.<\/p>\n<p>What&#8217;s interesting and &#8220;mind boggling&#8221; about it?<\/p>\n<p>As much as you may not like it, this is the very thing that does make a difference in how your life turns out.<\/p>\n<p>So instead of avoiding it like the black plague which most people do&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s time&#8230;to not only get a greater appreciation of how it can work for you&#8230;but how you can work it for yourself.<\/p>\n<p>And thankfully&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Because of one man I was able to learn this before my teenage years, even though I didn&#8217;t use it like I do today until my early 20&#8217;s.<\/p>\n<p>What is this all about?<\/p>\n<p>Negotiation.<\/p>\n<p>And more specifically&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Treating life as one big negotiation.<\/p>\n<p>With that said ask yourself&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>How much of your life is a negotiation?<\/p>\n<p><strong>1. Tugs of war<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>From the age of 7 until 20 I lived with my mother and step father Carl. Carl&#8217;s job&#8230;&#8221;headhunter&#8221;&#8230;which back in the 70&#8217;s and 80&#8217;s was referred to as someone who placed people in office type of jobs. And he was good at it.<\/p>\n<p>This is where I first got exposed to negotiating&#8230;because Carl would &#8220;wheel and deal&#8221;&#8230;in a good way&#8230;when it came to getting people jobs.<\/p>\n<p>At first it didn&#8217;t all &#8220;click&#8221; with me what he was doing. Then as time went on and I started working&#8230;it did&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Because each so called &#8220;meaningless&#8221; job I had&#8230;especially the pizza delivery jobs I worked after high school and through college&#8230;gave me the opportunity to negotiate.<\/p>\n<p>There were situations of getting on the phone with people asking where their food was&#8230;why it wasn&#8217;t on time&#8230;and if they can get a discount.<\/p>\n<p>At first it was somewhat intimidating.<\/p>\n<p>However, over time I reverted back to Carl&#8217;s headhunting scenarios and just intuitively knew how to negotiate with people in challenging situations.<\/p>\n<p>And over time this ability to negotiate carried over to other areas of my life.<\/p>\n<p>Take a look in your life.<\/p>\n<p>What do you do when put in a situation to negotiate? Whether it&#8217;s with a family member, a co worker, friend, and even yourself&#8230;how do you go about it?<\/p>\n<p>Are you looking forward to the challenge&#8230;or do you wish you could not do it at all?<\/p>\n<p>However you feel about it understand this&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>No matter what you do&#8230;as you go through life people will try and &#8220;strong arm&#8221; you in different situations. It&#8217;s like being in a tug of war.<\/p>\n<p>In other words&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>People will try and get the &#8220;upper hand&#8221;&#8230;and unless you&#8217;re willing to negotiate in some way you&#8217;ll always have others controlling the situation.<\/p>\n<p>The result&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>You&#8217;ll end up living according to their agenda&#8230;not yours. And they&#8217;ll end up getting what they want, while you&#8217;ll end up reducing the likelihood of getting what you truly want&#8230;while having your life controlled by others.<\/p>\n<p>Naturally&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>There are ways to change this&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>There are ways you can &#8220;negotiate&#8221;&#8230;even if at first you despise the thought of it&#8230;while at the same time creating a &#8220;win win &#8221; situation for you and those involved.<\/p>\n<p><strong>2. From backstage to onstage<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Earlier I mentioned that negotiation in your life takes place everywhere&#8230;even places you wouldn&#8217;t think of at first.<\/p>\n<p>Case in point&#8230;at rock concerts.<\/p>\n<p>As you may know I used to go to rock concerts&#8230;particularly heavy metal ones.<\/p>\n<p>And it was here where I used &#8220;negotiation&#8221; to get backstage passes on a regular basis.<\/p>\n<p>Now to most people this wouldn&#8217;t seem like a big deal.<\/p>\n<p>To me it was important&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Because&#8230;one&#8230;it gave me a chance to chat with various rock stars while seeing how they conduct themselves&#8230;and also getting &#8220;inside their head&#8221; at what makes them tick&#8230;what helped them succeed in what they love doing.<\/p>\n<p>And two&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>It helped refine my &#8220;negotiation skills&#8221; while also willing to possibly get rejected when asking for the backstage passes.<\/p>\n<p>In other words it gave me the courage to be persistent and resilient&#8230;and to not fear being rejected if someone were to say &#8220;no&#8221;&#8230;which did happen a few times.<\/p>\n<p>Now why am I bringing this up?<\/p>\n<p>Because there is carry over from one area of life to another when it comes to negotiating.<\/p>\n<p>Therefore&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>In your own life, it&#8217;s wise to get into the habit&#8230;even at the smallest of situations&#8230;to think in terms of negotiating.<\/p>\n<p>This is what in essence will allow you to go from backstage to &#8220;onstage.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>It will give you the courage to &#8220;step up&#8221; and ask for what you want&#8230;the courage to be persistent&#8230;and the courage to have a &#8220;plan B&#8221; in case things don&#8217;t go your way at first.<\/p>\n<p>And naturally&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>It dramatically increases the probability of getting what you want.<\/p>\n<p>Now of course there&#8217;s one other incredibly important part in making this all work for you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3. Sealing life&#8217;s deal<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m sure you know that during any negotiation there&#8217;s two sides&#8230;your side and what you want&#8230;and the side of others and what they want.<\/p>\n<p>Along with this you&#8217;ll obviously get agreement and disagreement at times.<\/p>\n<p>In addition&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>There&#8217;s also two sides to the entire situation you&#8217;re negotiating about&#8230;the positives and negatives, benefits and drawbacks of how the negotiation turns out.<\/p>\n<p>And by knowing this, whether things go your way or not during a negotiation you&#8217;ll know that there&#8217;s an equal amount of positives and negatives&#8230;pleasure and pain&#8230;happiness and sadness attached to the result.<\/p>\n<p>Why is this important?<\/p>\n<p>Because it gives you the courage and guts to be persistent and resilient when it comes to negotiating.<\/p>\n<p>Plus&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>It also gets you &#8220;off your butt&#8221; to want to negotiate in the first place.<\/p>\n<p>This is all part of &#8220;sealing life&#8217;s deal.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>And here&#8217;s something else to remember&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>You will come across people&#8230;to include family members&#8230;who will not like the idea of you negotiating&#8230;they won&#8217;t like it when you &#8220;push the envelope&#8221; when looking to come to a fair agreement that benefits all involved.<\/p>\n<p>And that&#8217;s ok.<\/p>\n<p>Because when you do &#8220;push the envelope&#8221; the probability of getting what you want is high&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>While the people who don&#8217;t&#8230;and get offended&#8230;end up just settling&#8230;which keeps them stuck with what seems like no way out.<\/p>\n<p>This was the mentality that got me the backstage passes.<\/p>\n<p>This is the mentality I&#8217;ve used to get on the hundreds of radio shows I&#8217;ve been on.<\/p>\n<p>This is also the mentality I teach in my Breakthrough to Achieve program&#8230;as well as every product, program, and coaching I do with people.<\/p>\n<p>And the reason for this is because it guarantees that you&#8217;ll get the results you want.<\/p>\n<p>You see&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Any time you&#8217;re looking for the &#8220;easy&#8221; life what ends up happening&#8230;you get the hard life you&#8217;re looking to avoid.<\/p>\n<p>It all goes back to what you&#8217;ve heard many times&#8230;in order to go beyond where you&#8217;re currently at, it&#8217;s vital that you stretch beyond your comfort zone.<\/p>\n<p>Arguably the best way to do this&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>By treating your life as a negotiation.<\/p>\n<p>And lastly&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>You have what I&#8217;m calling the invisible negotiation which goes like this&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;You&#8217;ve got to be willing to walk away from the deal in order to get the deal.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>This is just another way of saying to &#8220;not settle&#8221; in any situation.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s not about settling.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s about a win win for all involved.<\/p>\n<p>And certainly the same is true when it comes to you.<\/p>\n<p>You never have to negotiate about the brilliance and magnificence of who you are&#8230;especially just to please others.<\/p>\n<p>Instead&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Honor what makes you the special person you are that contributes tremendous amounts of value to the world.<\/p>\n<p>The result&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>It raises your self worth&#8230;the self worth of others&#8230;and demonstrates even more how important of a person you are.<br \/>\n10:08 AM 10\/22\/2017<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You see this everyday. It&#8217;s at your workplace&#8230; In your family&#8230; Among your friends&#8230; And for that matter it&#8217;s everywhere&#8230;even in your own mind. What&#8217;s interesting and &#8220;mind boggling&#8221; about it? As much as you may not like it, this is the very thing that does make a difference in how your life turns out.&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":556,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-676","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How Much Of Your Life Is A Negotiation? - Because This Is Your Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How Much Of Your Life Is A Negotiation? - Because This Is Your Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"You see this everyday. 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